2018, Fearless

Fear is a great motivator. It stifles our light and often keeps us from doing really meaningful work merely because of the off-chance that something bad may happen. When we look at someone else’s fears we don’t always see the validity of them and wonder how in the world they are letting something so hypothetical stop them from living their lives; however, our own fears feel very real and valid because they are scenarios that could really hurt us.

I have a small arsenal of writing that I have done but kept to myself because I’m afraid to share it for one reason or another. In 2017 the word I chose for the year was, “strong,” and I feel like despite some tricky circumstances, I have been able to live up to what this word means. Going into 2018 I want my word of the year to be Fearless. The dictionary defines this word as,

Fearless: adj, “without fear; bold or brave; intrepid,”

but I think when you break it down the word simply means, “fear less.”


Fear in life is inevitable. It can be a healthy feeling, as it keeps us from doing stupid things, however it can also keep us from reaching our full potential. Think of how much you could accomplish in life if you didn’t base so many decisions on fear. The times I have moved forward with actions despite being afraid of the outcome I think my writing has been much more dynamic, raw, and real than when I am merely trying to come up with content.

This is the opposite of what I want to do right now. I’ve had a few things happen that make me want to crawl back into my shell and hide, and the last thing I want to do is continue creating posts that reach deep down into my heart to spill words on these pages for anyone in the world to read. This year I’ve learned that people don’t always want what’s best for you, and their intentions can be malicious and manipulative. I’ve learned that not all women want what’s best for other women, and my heart has hurt because of it. Something else I’ve learned, though, is that it’s really easy to look at the bad in situations. For some reason it seems to be human nature to hone in on the negative. Knowledge is power, and after taking my first step of realizing this, I have learned that the majority of the people who read this blog are kind, caring, and genuine. They want what is best for me, and they don’t have any ulterior motives from reading the diary I keep online. One person in over a thousand should not dictate the way I share my life, and most of us are here to cheer each other on and make every journey easier by being there for each other. This is a time for celebration, and I am so, so excited about my future with Robert, and with writing all about my life and the content of my heart.

So here’s to diving in head and heart first, fearless.

Stop Making Excuses

Something humans do a lot is try to rationalize and make sense of the world around us. This often includes other people, and the dating world. Analyzing dating is such a fun thing; in fact, I often do it on this blog and really look forward to hearing about new situations so I can try to get into someone’s head and figure out why they behave the way they do.

One thing I’ve seen over and over again in the dating world is people trying to make excuses for others’ behavior. Whether it’s giving them an excuse to misbehave, or trying to justify their actions, there is sometimes too much forgiveness for someone who just isn’t the right fit for you. Today I want to target some of those examples and help some of those struggling with this to realize they don’t have to know why someone is behaving inappropriately; instead, just find a person who will treat you well right off the bat.


Example 1:
You’ve been talking to a guy for awhile and he is chronically “bad at texting you back.” 

Whether it’s game day or he’s working, I think about 95% of millennials have their phone with them the majority of the day. I know there are the exceptions to the rule, but if someone really likes you they’re going to want to connect with you — or at least make you feel secure with the amount of time they are willing to give to you. If you’re seeing him on a regular basis and he’s bad at texting you that’s one thing, but if he just isn’t stepping up to the plate to make plans and doesn’t connect with you on your phone, move on. There are a million reasons he might not be texting you, but all of them are irrelevant if he’s not going to give you the care you want and deserve in a relationship.

Example 2:
He isn’t romantic and doesn’t seem to speak your love language. 

This is a little more complicated. Have you talked your guy about this? You definitely don’t have to have the same love language as someone to make a relationship with them work, but to have a healthy and fulfilling love life you might have to put extra work into figuring out what makes your partner feel loved. If you’ve had conversations about your heart and don’t see a real effort being made to change that have actions to back up the words that are being said, take a step back and reevaluate. Actions speak volumes louder than words, and it’s very important to be with someone who prioritizes taking care of your heart, mind, and soul. Changing behaviors and being more aware can take time — so be patient — but it also takes a lot of hard work and effort. You’ll know if your partner isn’t putting work behind their words, but if they are, that is an amazing quality to have in a significant other.

Example 3:
You’ve been dating for awhile and he’s still too scared or broken to commit. 

If you’re looking for a relationship but the person you’ve been seeing isn’t, chances are the timing isn’t right for you two. I typically don’t buy in to “timing” being the sole reason for a relationship not working out — I think if someone cares about you with all their heart they can make things work despite having a lot of other things going on in life — but there are people who genuinely won’t work because of when they meet. This doesn’t mean y’all won’t be together in the future, but don’t hold out for that. If you want companionship, don’t waste your time with someone who isn’t ready unless you’re really actually fine with waiting for them. People can be unpredictable, especially if they are living in a confused state of mind and trying to figure themselves out. Step away and revisit the relationship if the opportunity comes up again, but in the meantime keep your options and heart open to what the world has to offer.

These examples are fairly general, and I think many of us could at some point relate to something similar. My point in this post is to stop wasting your time in the dating world, and start dating smarter. When you take care of your heart and mental health while shopping around for a partner, you are increasing your dating stamina and making room for the right person to step into your life, rather than exhausting yourself with all the wrong people. This makes the dating world a lot less painful, confusing, and frustrating, and allows you to cut out a lot of the games that are often started when playing the field.

I’m At An 8

This month I’ve had a very rude awakening about just how much physical therapy helps me. As someone with POTS and EDS, I have lots of chronic pain, particularly in my upper body and limbs. Whenever you go to the doctor or physical therapist, they ask if you can rate your pain scale from 1-10, 10 being completely unbearable. I’ve had very wide ranges, but the more I am able to go into the office and have hands-on work done, as well as doing my monitored strength and mobility exercises, the better I typically feel.

This article about exercising and living with EDS is well written and super-relatable. My insured PT visits ran out this month and I’ve only been a little over a week without care, but my pain levels have quickly shot up to an 8. I can’t focus on anything entirely because of how much everything hurts, and I can’t do the activities I’ve worked up to because of how much it hurts my shoulders and arms. Sleep is the only thing that relieves my pain right now, and I need to get back to my therapy sessions as soon as possible so that I don’t lose the progress I’ve worked so hard to get. It’s so frustrating living in a body that depends so heavily on doctors and working out the right way, but the thing that is the most difficult isn’t the time or effort put into all of this; rather, it’s the expense and toll this unwanted illness takes on myself and my family. I’ve always tried to remain positive and focus on the good in my life without allowing myself to dwell on the fact that it’s not fair for a young twentysomething to be sick, however it’s a lot more difficult when I feel like everything in the healthcare world is working against me. I don’t want to debate politics on this blog — ever — but one thing I do want to touch on is that I very strongly believe that people with disabilities should be cared for and given as much help as necessary to have as much of a chance at normalcy as possible. “Normal” hasn’t been attainable to me yet, but I feel blessed enough to not constantly have sharp, intense pain that I am grateful for the help I do get through physical therapy.

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In the meantime, I’m going to continue to do the best I can by doing my gentle stretches, mobility exercises, and managing the pain the best I can until January comes when I can get back in a normal routine. I have a pretty big doctor’s appointment today, and am hoping to get some relief from my pain tomorrow, so if you could say a little prayer for me that would be amazing. I’ll be back on this little corner of the Internet soon, but wanted to write a quick update about what’s been going on lately since I haven’t been great at keeping y’all updated. Love and hugs to you all.

Enjoying Engagement & Wedding Planning

I should start this by saying no, we don’t have a date yet, and no, we haven’t done any concrete planning. It was hilariously overwhelming when Robert and I announced we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together how quickly the questions about specifics came. It’s kind of nice that we got engaged over Thanksgiving because instead of doing a ton of planning right off the bat, we are just enjoying the holidays together and being excited at the thought of everything. There are a few things we know we want to do for sure, but those are sweet little details that I will save until after the big day.

In the meantime I have a few really neat surprises up my sleeve that I’m excited to eventually reveal to Robert. I’ve thought about getting engaged to him before and what I wanted to do to make this time — and the big day — special for him, and I am really stoked to start making some of these daydreams a reality. He hates surprises and this is going to be the first he’ll be hearing of this, but trust me babe, these are going to make you really, really happy. Nothing too crazy, but a few special details that I know you’re going to love. Surprises are kind of my jam, so he knows that marrying me means that even if he’s not totally into getting little surprise presents or going on spontaneous dates, he’ll be marrying that part of me, too.

Anyway, I got my fitted ring in yesterday and I absolutely love it. Robert did an amazing job picking out something for me, but more than that I think it’s so sweet and romantic that it makes me think of him every time I look at it. I never realized just how much you look at your hands throughout the course of the day, but I’m super sentimental, so jewelry has always felt special because of the thought you know someone puts behind getting it. I’ve always worn something that he’s given me, whether it’s the beautiful bracelet he got for my birthday our first year dating or his dog tags under a cozy oversized sweater. Now I have something I get to wear every single day, no matter what, and it’s a really neat feeling.

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Other than all of that, I don’t have a lot of major updates, but I do have a lot of new posts coming up! I know I’ve been a bit MIA, but it’s been the perfect storm of busy between getting engaged, having the holidays upon us, celebrating my birthday, and having a few winter weddings to attend. I am so excited to share more of my life and feelings with y’all, and thank you to everyone who’s been so excited, supportive, and wonderful during this exciting time. I’m right here cheering all of you on, whether it’s with blossoming relationships, new jobs, exotic travels, or serving others with little acts of kindness every day. I love you all so much and am so blessed to be able to write about things that make hearts happy.

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I took this picture about five minutes before Robert proposed, and it’s one of my favorite things now. I can’t wait to go back to New York with him and continue to celebrate life together. 


Hi Single in The Suburbs family!

You might have noticed that I’ve been gone for a little over a week now… Well that’s because I’ve just been busy getting engaged! Robert asked me to marry him last week in New York City, and I have been so excited since. I wanted to share the news with some of my close friends before announcing it to the world, but now that everyone knows I can’t wait to share some of the story with y’all.

Two Christmases ago I would’ve never guessed that I would be spending the end of 2017 engaged. Actually, I kind of take that back, because two years ago was the first time Robert and I said we loved each other. All my friends knew from the start that my relationship with Robert was different than anything I’ve had before. Our hearts combined are a once in a lifetime love, and I’m so excited to have him by my side for forever.

This weekend is a little crazy because it’s my mom’s birthday and then mine, but I’ll be doing a lot of writing next week to give you guys the scoop. ❤