Today was one of the Monday-est Mondays. There are some days and things I’m going to remember about this quarantine. Many of them have been good actually, and I feel really blessed to be married to my favorite person who can love me from wherever we are. Today, though, I’ll remember how hard I cried. I’ll remember how cool the night air felt on my skin when I took the trash out to the curb, and then how beautiful the stars looked when I happened to look up. I think that might have been God telling me that everything is going to be okay. He knows I like stargazing and that I find comfort in knowing no matter where in the world my loved ones are, they’re looking at the same stars as me at night.
I’ve mentioned before that I am really bad at remembering details (Like, bad enough that you don’t want me to witness a crime unless you’re the person committing it), but my memory going back to feelings is definitely above average. I can think back to being at the airport for Robert’s first deployment and feel the way my heart seemed like it was being ripped out of my chest. I can think back to how nervous I was the first time I told him I loved him and feel the flutters of anticipation and excitement again. I remember the joy I felt for so many of our biggest moments together, and relive it every time I read a blog post or think about everything we’ve experienced. I remember how genuinely surprised and excited I was about my friends showing up for a surprise fifteenth birthday party. I remember the feeling of going to 7-11 and getting spoiled enough to pick two treats after school — usually a little bag of barbecue chips and a Slurpee, unless there happened to be a tropical Skittles shipment in. Then it was always tropical Skittles. I remember the peacefulness I felt on every family beach vacation we took, and the excitement of our special trips to Disney. Tonight I’m thinking back to September and the vacation Robert and I took to St. Lucia before his work took off this year. It was so carefree and perfect. I want to go back.
This quarantine, I’ve felt so much love. So. Much. I am crying writing about it now — oh gosh. I need to stop. I’ve made some really fond memories, despite all the uncertainty and weirdness that is surrounding all of this. I’ve had some anxiety here and there, but held tight to loved ones and been able to push through these 26 days while still being so joyful and content. Day 26 is the most difficult so far. I know I’m lucky about that, though.
I need to remember how lucky I am that we all have our health still and keep praying for the people who don’t or are fighting this battle for us. I’m tired right now, but we’re all getting through this together. It’s weird how many people can all relate to each other’s feelings right now. A lot of people seemed to have a very Monday-y Monday.