Thank U, Next

Ask Krista


A guy I’ve been seeing for a month just ghosted me. I’ve called a few times and reached out, but he hasn’t replied to any of my messages. How do I get ahold of him? We had great chemistry and I think we would be great together.

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Short answer: Don’t.

Okay, here’s the thing. If someone ghosts you, you should not want to get ahold of them. Let me try to convince you to come to my side if you’re not here already. Ghosting is a cowardly move in the dating world. When I was doing the whole online thing it was difficult to reply to every single message, but if I had any level of meaningful connection with someone and chatted with them long enough to know their last name, social security number, and what kind of dog they had, I made sure to at least reply to their message if they asked me on a date — even if I didn’t feel like we were a match or didn’t want to go. It’s really difficult turning someone down, but if you see something that is on your list of deal-breakers it is so much kinder to gently let someone down than it is to keep them holding on to hope that maybe, just maybe, your phone got lost or you got kidnapped and that’s the reason you’re not replying to their messages.

I guarantee if someone ghosted you, more than 9 times out of 10 it’s because things aren’t going to work out between the two of you. Whether they have rekindled a romance with an ex, aren’t ready for more of a relationship, or just don’t see it working out with you, none of that is your business or even matters. This just means you get to move on faster to find someone who could be the right fit for you. Ghosting is actually often a blessing in disguise because it puts you in a situation where you absolutely have to get over someone who isn’t going to be a long-term fit. Moving forward, don’t lose sleep over the people who aren’t texting you back or don’t follow up after a great date. You just weren’t a match, and you deserve someone who knows your worth without having to explain it to them.

The one time I do think ghosting is healthy is if someone isn’t treating you well or during a breakup. For example, I ghosted someone I found out was good friends with an accused murderer after some of my own FBI-grade research, and I stopped talking to anyone who made me feel uncomfortable or like their intentions weren’t pure. I also don’t think it’s typically a good idea to stay friends with your ex right after a breakup while some sort of feelings are still there, and if you want to revisit getting to know them as a friend at a later date, you can do so, but for the most part I think blocking and deleting exes after a breakup is a good way to go.

So next time someone up and disappears on you, turn up the volume, channel your inner Ari, and move on to the next one.

Should I Drive To Him?

Ask Krista


I met a really great guy online, but he lives in a different city than me. Should I offer to drive to him for our first date? I don’t want to seem high-maintenance. 

Absolutely not! My situation was a little different in that I physically cannot drive further than a few miles from my home, however I never drove to a guy for the first date. I believe guys need to step up and be a gentleman, especially in the beginning stages of a relationship. It can sometimes be hard figuring out who to go out with when there are so many options, however the driving rule is a really good way to weed people out.

Let me ask you a question. Are you worth driving for?

My answer to this question was “yes” because I know that I am caring, thoughtful, and often selfless in a relationship. I know that whoever ends up dating me is getting a good deal, and that someone who is willing to put in extra effort to meet up with me is likely caring and will be a gentleman, which is a great base to build a relationship upon. You often get more out of the things in life that you have to work for, and by setting the standard a little higher you could be weeding out people who aren’t ready for a relationship just that much easier.

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The dating culture is a bit strange now because anyone can get a hookup anytime they want. You may not be able to find love at the flick of your finger, but you can find lust, and you can find physical intimacy. There’s a reason Tinder is known as a “hookup app,” even if there are plenty of people who use it for dating, too. By creating standards for your dates before you meet up, the dating world becomes a lot less stressful because you are able to recognize who is — and isn’t — looking for the same things as you. If you are looking for a long-term relationship, odds are that the guys who want the same thing will be more likely to drive further to meet up than the ones who just want a one night stand.


Guys — What do you think about this advice? How far would you drive for a girl on a first date, and do you think this is a reasonable thing to ask? 

Girls — You’d be surprised at how many guys don’t bat an eye at driving distances to meet up for a date. It’s not because they feel obligated to; it’s because they want to go on a date with youThis means we should treat them well and be honest after a date if we aren’t feeling it, rather than ghosting or leading them on. Respect and kindness are a two way street, and I think that this is fair.