Krista The Cougar

I just had something very confusing happen to me.

Since I’ve been single a lot of people have been trying to set me up with their friends (And sons, and nephews, and brothers, etc. — I guess I am not the only one who likes matchmaking).

Anyway, I was a bit surprised when a particular friend said she had the perfect person to set me up with, but I’m always game for meeting a perfect guy. Or really, a perfect human for that matter, as I would have a million questions about life for them. I’m sure a perfect person would give incredible advice.

Theo James
Theo James is the only man I can imagine being perfect. British, unbelievably handsome, and he sings and plays the guitar.

She set everything up, and we met at a local coffee shop.

Soon after meeting we both realized we didn’t have a lot in common. Why? Because he was twenty! This was a borderline illegal setup.

I’m only 24, and many of the guys I have been talking to have been 28. It’s still just four years, but anyone out of college knows what a difference the age gap this gentleman and I shared looks like versus the age gap of two people in the postgraduate world. He is smack in the middle of his undergraduate experience and cannot yet experience alcohol legally, and I am quickly getting over going to dive bars. He is excited to turn 21 next month, and I think getting carded is just a nuisance (I know I look like I’m 18, but I promise I am legal!).

Luckily he and I both realized the hilarity of the setup, and we ended up talking about my experience at George Mason and how he could manage to have a great study abroad experience like I did. We are friends now, and although I will not be helping him get his hands on alcohol, we might pull a few pranks on his roommates together.

Today’s lesson: Most people are terrible at setting others up; it’s not just me.

Taking A Turn In The Hot Seat

Here is the full review my date wrote about me. I did not edit any of the content, and just added a couple of asterisks to offer a few clarifying comments. Enjoy!

Phase 1: Planning

When setting up a date with Krista, a couple things need to be taken into account.For starters, all of us that have read her blog know that she cannot parallel park (See: “Wrecking my Date”). This would be an issue if she were to come to my neck of the woods in Arlington. So I had three options:

1. Make the drive out to Fairfax and meet her on her home turf (Not likely — the guy should always maintain the upper hand in these situations and keep his date her on her toes).
2. Find an appropriate/easy place for her to park in Arlington.
3. Ignore her concerns, have her parallel park, and poke fun or even take a video of her as she turns red from embarrassment while onlookers laugh at the parking job she is attempting.

Being a half decent guy, I went with option two* and gave her directions to a free parking garage right by the location of the restaurant. Option two was a success (Although I would be lying if I told you I did not seriously consider option 3).

The second thing to consider when planning a date with Krista is that she by all accounts seems to be a pretty good person. Because of this, I am again presented with a couple options. I could (A), show her a nice time, be a gentlemen, etc., etc., blah, blah, blah, or (B), acknowledge that she is looking for stories to write about on her blog, and give her the best worst date story I could possibly come up with. Unfortunately for Krista and her blog, I decided against trashing the date because she is a legitimately good person and I probably would have felt guilty going with option “B.” Although for the record, I was tempted going into this to give her that experience of a lifetime date that she would likely talk about for quite some time… “You’re never going to believe what this guy did on this horrible date I went on” type of stuff.

*Editors note for accuracy: This was not on our first date; we met up in Arlington a different time. I was not desperately chasing after Robert!

Phase 2: The Date

The date began smoothly. We talked about the usual first date stuff (i.e. what do you do, tell me about your family, college, etc.). We had spoken about some of this stuff prior to actually meeting up. One of our topics of conversation pre-date was the fact that we both went to George Mason University. We actually spoke quite a bit about this prior to our date. However… Krista got into talking about how she went to George Mason shortly after we sat down. I responded “Yes I remember discussing this.” She nodded her head and continued on about how she used to go to this diner place on campus. I said, “Yes, I know the place, because I used to go there.” She nodded her head and kept talking about certain things about Mason that I already knew about because, again, I went there too. After about 5 minutes of nodding my head and acknowledging a couple times that I knew what she was talking about, because I shared many of the same experiences, she stopped and asked, “Wait, did you go to Mason?!” I, for probably the 6th time, politely responded “Yes!” I wish I could have taken a picture to show you how red her face got.

A few minutes later we were telling each other funny stories about our pasts. I shared a few about pranks that my cousin and I pulled on some people growing up, and I had Krista laughing pretty hard. Then I asked her to share a funny story.

This was one of my favorite parts of the date.

Krista started going into detail about more memories from college (Uh oh, too much George Mason content. She’s starting to sound like the band camp girl from American Pie. This one time, at Mason…**). The problem with her funny story, however, is that Krista apparently likes to laugh when she tells funny stories. She was almost in tears. I’m not even going to get into a lot of detail about the content of the story, which included her and a friend putting some cupcakes (I could only assume chocolate cupcakes) in the toilets of the female bathrooms and then watching the reactions of everybody as they came out of the restroom. That was pretty much the entire story, but it took quite awhile to tell because Krista couldn’t stop laughing the entire time. Her laughing made the story ten times funnier, and it was pretty cute too.

Outside of these hilarious conversations, the date went without any issues. We covered many topics, joked with each other, and had solid conversation. After dinner we walked around outside and continued to talk. Finally the time came to walk her to her car. As we were walking into the dark, fairly empty garage, I recognized how uncomfortable this situation could be for a girl on a first date. To lighten the mood, I looked her in the eyes, remembered the “bun kiss” she experienced a few dates prior, and told her in the most serious tone I could, “Just so you know, I don’t kiss on a first date.”

Despite seeing the look of disappointment in her eyes after I told her that, I stood by my principles, gave her a hug, and watched her drive off.

I cannot write about her drive home, so you’ll have to ask her about that. All I know is that her phone (which is also her GPS) died at the start of her drive and she had to somehow deal with
that issue to navigate back to her house. ***

**I haven’t ever seen that movie, so I don’t get the reference, but figured y’all might still enjoy it.
***I will have to tell this story another day, as it was quite the adventure.

Phase 3: After Action Review

The final phase of the Krista experience is to make sure you complete a full, thorough report of all issues and concerns from the date and annotate them in a format you can clearly present to Krista. For me, that consisted of going back to my apartment and taking about an hour or so to write everything down from the date. A couple things were addressed in this post. Still others were not, but I can promise you that they were presented to Krista for her review. ****

Today’s Lesson: Do not shy away from Krista because of her potential to seriously harm your good name with her blog. Fire it right back at her. Let Krista know that if she acts up or steps out of line, she too will end up on her blog.

****For the record, this is a joke. I did not cut anything!

Turning The Tables: Review Of A Date With Krista

I told you guys I would be getting someone to review me as a date, and this ended up being perfect. A little background on this gentleman without giving away his identity: We met on OK Cupid and I showed him my blog long before we met up. After going out and hearing about some of the things I am planning to work on, he told me that he would like to write a review of our date. This was great because I was able to be myself without feeling like I’d be analyzed later and ended up getting an honest, accurate review.

I didn’t change anything that he wrote, with the exception of a few very small grammatical things. He wrote such a detailed review that this will have to be a small series of posts to make everything fit. So without further ado, here is what he wrote about me:

I have spent some time over the past few weeks reviewing Krista’s blog, “Single in the Suburbs,” and have decided that it is time to give Krista a little taste of her own medicine. She has been searching for somebody to write a post about what it is like to go on a date with her, and I am here to deliver. This is for all the men past, present, and future that have, or surely will, fall victim to her blog.

Note: Please keep in mind that this is not being written by a Journalism or English student, but by a much lesser individual with a different (minimal) skill set. If you have issues with any spelling, grammar, or content, please take it up with the editor.

A Krista date needs to be completed in three phases in order to properly account for the entire Krista experience. These phases include:

1. Planning. A Krista date must be planned accordingly to get the full Krista effect.
2. The Date. Make sure you have appropriate dialogue and do not say anything to
incriminate yourself (see: “Tinder, Take One!”). Krista likes at least some
of the attention, and believes it is awkward if you speak directly to insects. Noted.
3.  A proper after action review of the date is necessary. It is vital to tell Krista everything that she can improve upon. Do not hold anything back. I jotted down almost three pages of notes at the completion of the date.

Screen Shot 2015-10-20 at 9.05.58 PM
Every date must include some sort of large, messy dessert.

I would love to offer commentary about a few of the things he wrote about (Like, explaining that I’m not as weird as he makes me sound in some of the parts), but I’m going to refrain because this is all written from my date’s perspective and I need to respect that.

I will be posting part two tomorrow evening, so come back for the story then!

A New Beginning

I’ve learned something really important from my old relationship and for my new ones moving forward.

Once again, this kind of breaks my heart that I ever thought like this, but in my long-term relationship I thought it was “normal” for guys to not be as emotional or care as much about your relationship.


While guys might not wear their heart on their sleeve as often, I have found that there are so many men who want to spend their free time with me, and want to talk on the phone and want to make me happy and treat me well. They enjoy planning dates that they know I’ll really love and appreciate, and genuinely enjoy hearing about how my day went.

One thing casually dating people has taught me is that there are so, so many guys out there. Just like girls, they are all very different from one another. If one of them you really like doesn’t text you back or take initiative, don’t fret. You can and will like someone else one day who’s heart will skip a beat when they see your name pop up on their phone. You’ll meet someone who isn’t afraid to wear his heart on his sleeve for you and who will make you feel loved and secure.

Please don’t settle for a less than stellar relationship just because you think it’s the norm.

Please know that there are so many different people in the world, and that someone will love you the way you want and deserve to be loved. It’s not normal to have to fight for your significant others’ attention. There are people who want to just give it to you freely.

That still blows my mind, but in the best way imaginable.

Today’s lesson: Don’t waste your time on people who don’t value spending time with you. You are special, you are important, and you deserve someone who makes you feel like that.