Tag: blind date

Dating Is A Numbers Game

~ kristalauren ~ 13 Comments

As unromantic as it sounds, finding your forever and always person is all about giving people chances and dating, dating, dating. One piece of important advice I give to all of my friends is that dating is a numbers game. The more people you go out with, the more people you won’t hit it off with, but the greater chance you have to find the person who is right for you.

Some common complaints I hear about dating are:

  • “Online dating doesn’t work for me. I’ve been on two Match dates and they were both nightmares!” Well, maybe that just isn’t the right site for you, but honestly about 1 in 8 dates are going to likely be duds that won’t even turn into a second date. Sometimes you’ll have more bad dates, sometimes you’ll have a few good ones in a row. Giving up after only a few chances, though, isn’t going to be the attitude that helps you to meet someone great.
  • “I don’t want to tell people we met online. I want our story to be better than just meeting on a dating app!” I don’t get this. At all. Who cares how you meet someone amazing, as long as you do? When Robert and I tell people how we met we start off by saying that we met online, but then we immediately jump into our first date story about how he almost stood me up, then how when we did actually meet that I was more interested in petting a cute dog I found outside the restaurant than greeting him. I love our story so much, and we have so many fun moments to sprinkle into it that “OK Cupid” is only a sentence in the story of how we met.

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  • “There isn’t anyone cute near me. Guys here are lame.” Unless you live in a teeny tiny area, this is an enormous statement for the entirety of the young adult population where you live. First, pictures can be deceiving. I have a few friends who I absolutely know would make great matches, but they’re unwilling to even give someone a chance because of a few Facebook photos. Sometimes attraction can’t be felt over a computer screen, and although I think it’s an incredibly important component of a great romantic relationship, I think giving someone a chance — even just a 1 hour date — could be a game-changer for you. If a friend wants to set you up, give their match a try! After all, there’s a reason you came to mind when they decided to pair you with your date. The very worst-case scenario is that you wasted an hour or two of your entire life on someone you’re never going to see again. Then, if the same friend tries to set you up again you can politely decline if it was really that bad. Having an open mind can be such a great asset to the dating world.
  • “I don’t want to do the casual dating thing; I want an exclusive relationship!” Okay. 99% of the time that’s not going to work. Unless you turn a friendship into a relationship, odds are you’re not just going to meet Mr. Right on the street and realize that the two of you are perfect for each other. You have to be casual at some point in your relationship; you aren’t supposed to know right off the bat whether someone is going to be your new significant other. Sometimes people will tell you that they knew right after meeting someone that they were going to marry them, but that’s a rare miracle in the dating world. You typically become more drawn to someone as you get to know more about their heart and values, and it takes time to really get to the nitty gritty of someone’s true personality. I totally know that dating around is exhausting and can be a chore, but you rarely get beautiful things in life without working hard for them.

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Today’s Lesson: Your dating motto for 2018 should be, “It’s just a date.” Stop overthinking dating and start taking chances on things that scare you, and open up your mind to the possibilities around you. I strongly believe there is more harm to being close-minded than being too picky with who you choose to spend your dates on. Be careful, and be smart, but open up your dating pool to some people you might not typically go out with. Then, watch how your dating life transforms through the lessons people teach you and as others begin to open their hearts up to you.

It’s Just A Date.

~ kristalauren ~ 13 Comments

I talk to a lot of people who really want a boyfriend but don’t think going on a bunch of dates sounds very appealing. This is a tough predicament, as I think the most surefire way to get a bomb bae is going out with a handful of people and then making an educated decision on who you should commit to.

Dating is essentially a numbers game. The more people you go out with the more crappy dates you go on, but the more likely you are to meet someone who is a really great fit for you. Think about it this way. If you go out with 4 people and try to pick one, you could find that person, but the chance becomes better when you up the number of people you go out with.

I’ve asked friends why they don’t want to spread out and date more people, and here are some of the most common answers I’ve gotten (And my reasons why I think they can ignore them):

“I don’t want to lead anyone on.”
Okay, I agree with this 100%; leading people on isn’t nice and doesn’t feel good when you’re on the receiving end… But honestly the first few dates you go on with someone is just a very surface-level “getting to know you” stage, so you can’t possibly lead someone on by agreeing to a first date with them, as there aren’t huge expectations from a first date. There aren’t many people who go on a first date and are immediately like, oh my gosh, she’s the one for me! If he does do that there’s likely something a little bit “off” and he should probably re-evaluate the way he’s approaching dating. A first date is really just very similar to going into a job interview — you ask and answer questions to see if you would even be a good fit for one another.

“First dates are so awkward.”
This can also be very true. The more dates I go on, though, the more I get comfortable with sitting through the awkwardness. “Practice makes perfect” rings very true for dating. If nothing else you are just collecting data about people and learning what you do and don’t want in a future relationship. There are so many different people in the world that you should know what’s out there before committing to something for the long-term and wondering then.

“It’s not fair to date a bunch of guys at once. I like to focus on one person.”
Umm, I don’t think a lot of guys look at dating this way. Dating around is a completely normal and healthy thing. This gets skeezy when you are exclusive with someone and seeing other people, but before you are in a committed relationship you are able to test the waters with a few people at the same time. Keeping communication open and honest with all parties is important, but odds are if you are going out with multiple guys at once they are doing the exact same thing with other girls. That’s not because they’re a “bad person,” but they, like you, are trying to find the best fit for them. This is great for both of you, as you want someone who will fully understand and appreciate the incredible person you are — sometimes it takes going out with the wrong people to appreciate the right one.

“The right person will come into my life when the time is right. I’m just waiting on God (or fate) to bring him my way!”
So. Much. No. I agree that God has a great plan for me, which totally includes a wonderful significant other, but just like my dream job a guy is not going to plop right into my lap out of nowhere. I have to put in work to get results and just because I am working towards a goal does not mean I am not trusting God to put the right people in my path to get there. I understand some people meet their significant other as a complete fluke and I think that’s totally amazing, but the vast majority of people have to put in some sort of effort to meet someone. Not only is it rare for a guy to ask me out organically, but it all goes back to the numbers game of dating more people to get to meet the right one. I do believe God has a plan for my life, but some of His plans for me have been things I have received as a result of an action I took to get there. He is so much more powerful than I am, and if I’m going in the wrong direction I trust Him enough to steer me back on the right track in a different way.

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All of this being said, the best way for me to date may not be right for you. What do y’all think? Do you agree or disagree with me? Sound off in the comments!

Ghosted By A Girl

~ kristalauren ~ 4 Comments

I think I’ve mentioned in the past that I love to play matchmaker; I don’t know why. Part of it is definitely just that I love romance. I am a hopeful romantic, in that I do think that there are beautiful love stories out there, and I would be so happy to help people find one of their own.

The only problem is that I am apparently not very good at it. I don’t know if it’s because I never know the people I am setting up well enough to know their “type,” or if I just don’t have a large enough group of people to pull from. Regardless, I have never helped a match get to a second date.

I recently thought I found the perfect match. I was far more excited than either of the parties involved were, as I thought it might be the start of something great for both of them.

Nope. I was 110% wrong.

They made plans for a date, and went out for brunch. Apparently the guy had a pretty good time, but something went wrong on the other end of things.

Not only did the gentleman I set up get ghosted, but I got ghosted when I asked her how the date went too! Like, how bad of a matchmaker do you have to be to get ghosted by your “clients?”

Today’s lesson: Leave the matchmaking to the professionals. People go to them for a reason… Unless you don’t want to pay anyone, then feel free to ask me to set you up. I’m 0 for 4, but am still totally up for the challenge.

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Holding Up A Hookup

~ kristalauren ~ Leave a comment

I went on one of the most hilarious dates in awhile last week.

Any of you who really know me know that I don’t do hookups. I’m pretty open about that, and have that information on all of my online profiles, just to be super clear before anyone even sends me a message so they know that they’re not going to have a fling with me.

Tinder has a hookup reputation, but I honestly think there are just so many people on there that not everyone is looking for a strictly physical relationship. Most of the guys I have met up have actually seemed to be quite the opposite; many of them are super fast to try to DTR as something serious (I’m also not having that, haha).

Anyway, this was the first fellow who was really not on the same page as me. He must have not read my bio whatsoever because he basically told me I was sexy (lies! I know what I am and it’s closer to “cute”) and that we should go back to his place.

I had to explain that I’m not into that, and after he pushed it a lot more I told him that I would just end up frustrating the heck out of him, and that I wasn’t going to change my values for anyone; I told him we were just definitely not a good match.

He immediately shut down and asked the waitress for the check as soon as he could get her attention. He told me that he didn’t want to seem like a jerk, but that we didn’t really have a reason to stay.

It was really funny how quickly the conversation fizzled out after we had been having such a normal time before. He said it was a shame that we didn’t have a chance at working out, as he had enjoyed our date, and that I would regret not taking him up on his offer.

Today’s lesson: Always be honest with what you’re looking for with online dating. Although it can be an awkward conversation to have, you get better at it (Trust me, I don’t feel uncomfortable talking about this stuff at all anymore — it just took some practice!) and you save both parties from a frustrating situation. You can go your separate ways and find what you are looking for.

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You Are Wonderfully Made

~ kristalauren ~ 1 Comment

People’s reactions to my last post inspired me to talk about something that I think is very important.

Your “success” in the dating world does not define your worth.

Your dating life might vary vastly than many of your friends, but one thing is certain:

The inability of someone else to recognize your value does not mean it’s not there. We all have such uniquely beautiful and wonderful things to add to the world, and I think individuals have the ability to make a positive difference in the lives of others.

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I was really surprised to get messages from people trying to console me or make the guy who turned me down sound like a jerk. He just wasn’t into me. Honestly, it’s not a big deal and really doesn’t reflect anything on his or my character. Most people you meet won’t be a love connection and that is perfectly fine. There are plenty of other fish in the sea, and my hope is that there is just one very special person who will work out for the long run.

I hope everyone realizes that each and every one of you has value greater than your weight in gold. I genuinely believe this, and don’t want you to think you did something that just didn’t measure up for someone if they don’t reciprocate your feelings for them. They just aren’t right for you. You deserve someone who loves and appreciates all that you have to offer!

Today’s lesson: No matter how amazing you are, not everyone is going to want to date or be friends with you. That makes the people you are close to in your life even more special!

Krista The Cougar

~ kristalauren ~ 2 Comments

I just had something very confusing happen to me.

Since I’ve been single a lot of people have been trying to set me up with their friends (And sons, and nephews, and brothers, etc. — I guess I am not the only one who likes matchmaking).

Anyway, I was a bit surprised when a particular friend said she had the perfect person to set me up with, but I’m always game for meeting a perfect guy. Or really, a perfect human for that matter, as I would have a million questions about life for them. I’m sure a perfect person would give incredible advice.

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Theo James is the only man I can imagine being perfect. British, unbelievably handsome, and he sings and plays the guitar.

She set everything up, and we met at a local coffee shop.

Soon after meeting we both realized we didn’t have a lot in common. Why? Because he was twenty! This was a borderline illegal setup.

I’m only 24, and many of the guys I have been talking to have been 28. It’s still just four years, but anyone out of college knows what a difference the age gap this gentleman and I shared looks like versus the age gap of two people in the postgraduate world. He is smack in the middle of his undergraduate experience and cannot yet experience alcohol legally, and I am quickly getting over going to dive bars. He is excited to turn 21 next month, and I think getting carded is just a nuisance (I know I look like I’m 18, but I promise I am legal!).

Luckily he and I both realized the hilarity of the setup, and we ended up talking about my experience at George Mason and how he could manage to have a great study abroad experience like I did. We are friends now, and although I will not be helping him get his hands on alcohol, we might pull a few pranks on his roommates together.

Today’s lesson: Most people are terrible at setting others up; it’s not just me.