Tag: boyfriend

Thoughts On The Bachelor Finale

~ kristalauren ~ 23 Comments

I am very confused after watching The Bachelor finale.

First, did anyone else think it was weird how dressed up Cassie got last week just to break up with him? Like, we had lashes, extensions, and one of the prettiest dresses we’ve seen all season. They toasted and seemed happy and then she said she wasn’t going to stay. It only got weirder when Colton said he wanted her to be at the end of all of this, and Cassie said she needed to let him get engaged. He pushed it further and told her they didn’t have to get engaged; he was happy to just date her and go at her pace. She still left.

I’m sorry, but if I was falling for a guy and he says he wants to commit to me I would be stoked! I wouldn’t be worrying about whether or not I’d get to the point of engagement. That’s always done after dating awhile in the real world anyway. The beginning stages of the relationship are when you are giddy all the time and have butterflies just thinking about the other person. It is not supposed to be hard; I don’t understand why it was impossible for her to want to be with him. Oh, unless, of course, she just didn’t like him. Because honestly at that point you often know whether or not you’re interested in someone enough to just date them. Even if she just kind of liked Colton, it seems like giving dating a shot in the real world wouldn’t be very difficult. It’s freaking crazy if she liked him at all and decided to leave after all of that. If he’s saying he chooses her over both the other girls who are an almost sure thing, he must be genuine in his feelings, so go ahead and give it a shot. This made me wonder if she had someone waiting for her on the outside or something…

Cassie’s lack of emotion during the breakup really confused me, and I still wonder if Colton mainly chose her because he was just so excited by the chase. Before that I always felt like Hannah G was going to win the whole thing, and I think there’s a chance she might have if she had gotten a final date with him. I think Colton might have confused anxiety with butterflies, and been more afraid of losing Cassie because it felt like it was out of his control. If he could get her to wait and date him a little longer, maybe he could prove to her that they were supposed to be together.

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Photo Credit: Instagram @ColtonUnderwood

Then when Colton showed up at her hotel room, she looked surprised and almost annoyed that he was barging in on her. She had said that she was excited to go home and see her family; Colton ruined everything when he came back and made her stay with him longer. Any other season of The Bachelor or The Bachelorette, we see people squeal or jump into each other’s arms because they’re the last one standing, or even just excited about a big date. We don’t see a lot of physical signs from Cassie that she likes Colton. Even when they kiss it’s just kind of awkward.

Despite the producers trying to edit things to make the storyline interesting and something people will enjoy watching, I think we saw enough raw footage and realness to get the idea that Cassie not only isn’t in love with Colton, but she also may just not really be that into him at all. She questions several times how “real” their connection could be, and her head seems to be spinning from confusion. Here’s what I know from experience: The beginning of a relationship should not be this difficult! The beginning is when you’re in the honeymoon stages and so excited about the possibilities, and just spending time with this new amazing person you met. It shouldn’t be filled with this much fear and borderline dread. She keeps saying she needs to be “sure of how she feels,” but in the beginning of a relationship you’re still just learning about each other and whether or not you’re compatible for the long haul. That’s what all of this is about, and what it would have been like for Colton and Hannah G, or Colton and Tayshia, had he picked either of them. It just makes no sense to be this confused, especially when you’ve made it all the way  to top 3.

So, was this Cassie’s way of trying to be the next Bachelorette? I don’t have an answer to that, but it does seem kind of suspicious. People often know after a few dates whether or not they want to keep seeing someone and pursue them further. Colton offered this option to Cassie, and she walked away from it completely. She didn’t seem to want to be exclusive with Colton, even in a very casual relationship like what he offered when he told her that he broke up with the other girls on the show. It’s strange that she didn’t mention all of these reservations before traveling all the way to Portugal to be in the top 3. Right?

Later we see Colton and Cassie on their final date, and it is so cringeworthy hearing Colton gush so much about someone who might just not be into him. Cassie later discloses that she’s not sure if she’s ready for a relationship, let alone an engagement, and it makes you wonder why she even went on the show in the first place. Like, you know that the Bachelor is hopefully looking for a future wife, right? Shouldn’t you be at least ready for a relationship if you’re going to go on the show? I understand not wanting to get engaged at the end of it all, but if you don’t like him enough after a few dates, just leave. Several other girls had already, after all!

She says,

“It’s not being in a relationship with you, I’m not concerned about that. I think just being in one in general is like, a commitment, and that scares me…”

She goes on to talk about her past relationships and says that you “don’t have the freedom to be you anymore” when you’re in a relationship, which is why she’s been so distant from Colton. I’m sorry, but then why did you go on The Bachelor? I think therapy helps this kind of problem so much more than a television show that is created to be entertaining and sometimes completely messes with someone’s edit. I am not saying this to be mean, but none of it adds up!

Okay, so maybe Cassie just got a weird edit. You never know what the producers want the fans to see, and I do think we need to take this all with a grain of salt despite my obvious thoughts on the matter. In all honesty, I don’t dislike Cassie. I just don’t really feel like I know very much about her, and I really do not think she really likes Colton very much. If she does, I think it’s because he grew on her, not because she really cared deeply for him while she was on the show. My main argument is just that you do not let someone who you love deeply walk away from you so darn easily. I mean, we all saw what Colton did to be with someone he loved. He dumped two really great girls to the point where he had no one, and went all-in with someone who had already left him once. Cassie had it much easier in saying “yes” to the relationship and tried every which way to get out of it. I don’t think this will last, but prove me wrong, Cassie and Colton.

Do you agree or disagree with my take on the finale? I have seen mixed opinions on it, and was so surprised that I had so many after watching it. I think Chris Harrison was right this time — it was the most dramatic finale yet. 

Single For Valentine’s Day

~ kristalauren ~ 3 Comments

My favorite holiday is this week! I am so excited that we only have two days until Valentine’s Day, but I am well aware that a lot of people are either dreading the day or just not looking forward to it. Valentine’s Day has always been one of my favorite days of the year — despite being single for many of them. It’s great having a holiday that’s just meant to show how much you love the people in your life.

Here are an few fun ideas of things to do if you are single this Valentine’s Day:

1. Treat yourself to a massage. Couples massages are great, but you don’t need a date to have a relaxing day. If anything going alone just means you can take your time and enjoy the sauna and other amenities a spa has to offer before your treatment.

2. Binge watch a show and order delivery. This was one of my favorite things to do to relax when I was living on my own in New York. I loved watching Gossip Girl with a pizza from Joe’s and top it all off with a cupcake from Sprinkles. Now, there are a million different murder mysteries on Netflix, The Office and Parks and Rec both have great Valentine’s Day episodes, or there’s always The Hallmark Channel for hopeless romantics.

3. Splurge on expensive truffles. One of the best things I’ve gotten for Valentine’s Day was an enormous box of Godiva truffles. I used to think they were overpriced (And I mean, they totally are), but it’s worth it for a one-time thing.

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4. Go dessert hopping by yourself or with a friend. Check out Yelp for the highest-rated places and taste a few things from each of them. Bring a box to keep the leftovers for the next day!

5. Deliver Valentines to your friends and family. Valentine’s Day has always been a day to celebrate the ladies in my life. My mom and I have always gone all-out for this pink and red holiday, and several of my friends like celebrating it with me, too! I usually celebrate a few different days to get all of my Galentines in, but it’s also a lot of fun to see friends’ faces when you deliver something on February 14th.

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A few Valentines from last year!

So whether or not you have a date this Thursday, make it a day to just love yourself and splurge a little. It’s always so much fun to have things to look forward to in life, and Valentine’s Day is a great excuse to just be excited about all of the love you have in your life. I hope you all have a fantastic day, and feel free to tell me what you’re going to be doing in the comments!

Dating In A Technology-Saturated World

~ kristalauren ~ 12 Comments

Love is difficult enough on its own, but when you add our little black screens to the mix, things become just that much more complicated. First, let’s talk casually dating. There are a million different apps and websites you can use to meet people. Making a choice — or three — of what you want to use can dictate the kind of people you will meet. There is a dating app for everyone, whether you are looking for a farmer, a fellow vegetarian, or someone who loves Disney just as much as you do. This is great because it takes searching high and low out of the equation and sets you up with a partner who has at least some of the same interests that you do. Even using the more standard dating websites makes finding a partner a little easier because there are usually questions to answer that calculate what percent of a match you are with someone, which saves the smalltalk and goes straight for some of the biggest deal breakers like religion, smoking, or even what kind of family someone wants.

The dating culture now is different than it ever has been before because we have endless options. It is so easy to go out with a person, see a flaw you don’t like, and think, “Well, on to the next one!” when you have access to thousands of profiles online. Odds are there’s someone who fits the bill of exactly what you want, right? The problem with this rationale is that there is no such thing as a perfect person. We live in a time where if something is broken, we don’t fix it — we just get rid of it and upgrade. It isn’t worth the effort of learning how to jump over a hurdle or adapt to a new way of using something; it is far easier to just throw away a broken object than it is to put the time and effort into making ours work again. The same goes in the dating world. Far too often, as soon as someone learns about an issue, they decide to move on to find a different person without said problem. This turns into a vicious cycle in embarking on the search for perfection which, in this world, does not exist.

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Now let’s touch on solid relationships. The little black box certainly doesn’t make finding a partner easy, but once you’ve gotten one they work their little plastic butts off to make everything a little more complicated, despite their initial intention of making life easier for us. Instead of reaching to hold their partners in the morning, people reach for their phones. Rather than sitting together at the dinner table they sit on the couch in front of a television. Hours upon hours each week are spent on Facebook and scrolling mindlessly through Instagram. This whole new age of technology has greatly changed the course of our lives — for better and for worse.

At the end of the day, despite what it sometimes seems, we own technology — it does not own us. We can make our own decisions on how to use it to better our lives and enrich our relationships instead of harming them. I like using my little silver laptop to type words onto a screen and share them on here with you all. I like playing Super Smash Bros and Fortnite with my husband, and I like that I can shop no matter how I’m feeling and that there are people who will drive to my house with a piping hot pizza if I use my phone to order one. Technology is great as long as you know when to use it and how to continue to connect with your loved ones in person. This is why I harp so much on the importance of quality time spent with loved ones, rather than just time. It can be so easy to think you are pouring into others when you spend so much time with them, but if that time isn’t spent wisely it won’t really make an impact on their heart.

I still haven’t finished making my resolutions for the year, but one of them is that I am going to be more cognizant of how often I am using my phone and to put it away more when I am with my loved ones. I am going to invest more time in journaling and having heart-to-heart conversations, and be more productive about reaching my goals for this year. What are your resolutions for 2019?

The Story of Robert And Krista

~ kristalauren ~ 7 Comments

Robert and I have been meaning to update our wedding website for awhile now, as we wanted everyone attending to know a little about each of us since there will be people on both sides who don’t know us as a couple.

We talked about what we wanted to include — how we met, when we knew we wanted to marry each other, and what we want our future to look like — but after that we each went to our own computers and wrote. It was kind of hilarious to see how similar each of our answers were, so I am going to keep all of the content, even though it’s a bit redundant.

Whether you are a guest who is here for the first time to see who we are as a team, or you’ve been a reader since my Single in The Suburbs days, I hope you enjoy!

How We Met

Robert’s Story

Krista and I originally set our first date for a Friday evening. Unfortunately on the Friday that we had our date planned, I found out that I had been selected for a deployment I volunteered for. In addition to this, I was ordered to go on active duty immediately in Staunton, Virginia to help prepare the unit for the deployment.

Because of these life-changing circumstances and the fact I would be relocating immediately, I sadly canceled the date and went out for a last celebration with co-workers.

About two weeks later, there was an issue with funding my position and I had to return to Northern Virginia until the situation was resolved. I texted Krista that I would be home for a couple weeks and that I had been regretting not meeting her the first time. For whatever reason, Krista decided to give me another chance at a date.

We finally met at Ozzie’s Italian restaurant. I will always remember the moment I met her. I walked up to Krista (she was petting somebody’s dog), and I said hello to her. She looked up at me, said “hi!”, and immediately returned to petting the dog.

After finally accomplishing one of the hardest missions of my life –pulling Krista away from the dog — we had dinner. We shared a bunch of stories, had a lot of laughs, and then we went on a walk around the shopping center. I still remember the things we laughed at along the walk that probably wouldn’t make sense to anybody besides the two of us. We had an instant connection.

As those last couple weeks in Northern Virginia passed, Krista and I went on a number of other dates. Our connection got stronger every day, and all of a sudden I found myself wondering how I could get out of the move to Staunton (about two and a half hours from where Krista lived). I didn’t, but came back to NOVA every weekend, and my first stop was always Krista’s house. We spent the majority of every weekend together until I was deployed.

Krista’s Story

Robert and I were supposed to go out to dinner for our first date, but a few hours before we were going to meet up he sent me a text saying that his friends surprised him for his last day of work with a cocktail hour. I was actually relieved because I got to stay home and eat pizza with my family instead of making a bunch of smalltalk with a guy.

A few weeks later he messaged me to see if he could have a second shot at a date. I don’t know why I said yes to going out with someone who was getting ready to leave the country and had flaked on me once before, but it is one of the two most important times I’ve said “yes” to something. My third will be in September.

Our first date was the best first date I’ve ever been on. We went to Ozzie’s Italian restaurant, and I remember getting a text from Robert saying that he would be an hour late because of traffic. I was still at home, so I got to watch another episode of The Office before getting ready to go, but in hindsight this is hilarious because since then the tables have turned and I’m the one who is chronically late. You set the bar low, Robert!

Anyway, when I finally got there, I found a cute dog sitting underneath a bench right outside the restaurant. I was excited that Robert still wasn’t there because I got to play with the little fella! I was unintentionally a bit rude at our introduction — not because I wasn’t happy to meet Robert — but because the dog under the bench was irresistibly adorable. To this day he still sends me pictures of puppies when he sees them, and knows that by saying, “look, a dog!” I will always squeal in excitement.

We exchanged funny dating stories and learned more about each other, and by the time we finished dinner I didn’t want the date to end. We took a short stroll outside, and I was surprisingly disappointed when he dropped me off at my car to go home. It didn’t take long, though, for Robert to text me that he had a nice time, and my heart felt warm and full. Little did I know the guy I went with on my best first date with would turn into the man I would one day marry.

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When We Knew

Krista’s Moment

I remember the moment I first knew I loved Robert. It was when he was in Staunton, and we had been talking on the phone for a few hours after work — as usual. I had such a hard time not saying those three little words to him before we hung up the phone that night. I resolved to tell him the next time I saw him in person, but it didn’t quite work out that way. That is one of the stories I have chosen not to share, though, and is still one of the most heartwarming moments I’ve had.

I’ve had lots of moments throughout our relationship where I’ve felt like Robert was the one for me, so I can’t pinpoint an exact day or time. Once would have been realizing how much I missed him while he was on his deployment. An earlier moment was when he told me to listen to the song She’s Everything by Brad Paisley. He told me that the song reminded him of me, and I forever have a beautiful love song that feels like it was written just for me. We were recently apart for a few weeks because Robert had military training to attend, and I played the song for my family when they were asking about our mutual love of Brad. I realized my mistake quickly as I started tearing up in front of everyone. A tear slipped down my cheek and onto the floor, and my heart missed the guy who has become everything to me, even though we were only apart for a short time.

Little moments that made me love Robert more than I could have ever imagined have happened when we were playing Super Smash Brothers in his Arlington apartment, the time I surprised him with a prank “birthday party” in November (his birthday is in March) and all he could do was turn red and take it while I laughed, when he reviewed a date with me for my blog, and every single trip we took together in his blue Ford F-150. I loved him more when he tried to win a Minion toy from the movie theater claw game, when he got Junior Mints stuck to his jeans from my movie candy stash and walked around the parking lot looking like a crazy person, and every time he cooked me dinner or sent a little green text. Robert is kind, thoughtful, caring, and absolutely hilarious. I knew my single life was short-lived after a few dates with Robert, and even though the timing wasn’t what I felt like I wanted, I quickly became grateful for every extra day I got to spend with Robert because I met him when I did. I wouldn’t trade any day I spent with him for the world, and feel so blessed that we found each other.

Robert’s Moment

One of my favorite memories with Krista was the first time I told her I loved her. It was in-between her birthday and Christmas. We were hanging out in my apartment in Arlington, and I could tell that there was something on her mind. As she fumbled through her words, I could see where her conversation was headed, and I wanted her to know that I felt the same way. I told her I loved her and from that day, I was sure that she was the one for me.

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Robert proposed at the top of Rockefeller Center in NYC

The Deployment

Robert’s Perspective

During the entire time of us getting to know each other and beginning dating, the looming deployment was always on both of our minds. It sucked. It was something that I had wanted to do for a long time, but I kept feeling that the timing couldn’t be worse. However, I had an obligation, and I was going to do what I signed up for.

Krista was the most amazing girlfriend a soldier could have on a deployment. We talked at every opportunity we had, she sent a ton of care packages, and she was always there to chat when things were stressful. She kept me sane, excited, and happy for the duration of my 9+ months overseas, and I could not have done it without her. By the end of the deployment, I realized it actually could not have come at a better time. Our relationship somehow grew stronger, and there was no question that we were meant for each other.

Krista’s Perspective

The deployment was the most difficult thing I’ve had to do in life, but it was also so worthwhile. I love that we only got closer during that time, and that Robert still prioritized our relationship while he was 6,500 miles away. If you follow my blog you have probably seen the dozens of posts I wrote about him while he was away, and I have even more thoughts scribbled throughout letters and journals.

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I liked giving Robert silly little gifts with his care packages. I gave him this little “Love Bug” before he left, and he traveled all over the Middle East with it because he knew it would make me laugh whenever I saw a snapchat with the little pink bug in it.

Our Future Together

Krista’s Dreams

I am so excited about our future together. One thing I love about us is that “quality time” is both of our top love language. This means we enjoy going grocery shopping and running errands together, and always make spending time together a priority. Whether we are enjoying a Blue Apron meal and watching Big Brother and The King of Queens, or going on a little adventure out of town, our hearts feel full at the end of the day because we spent it together. I can’t wait to move in to Robert’s home and make it just a little more girly. I think married life is going to give me a lot to write about, and I am ready to take the next step together hand in hand. Robert is my best friend, my partner in crime, and always makes me laugh — no matter what else is going on in life. If I listed every single thing I was excited for, I would have to write an entire book, but what I’m most excited about is having the other half of my heart by my side for the rest of my life. I know there are so many great adventures in store for us, and I cannot wait to see where our next step takes us.

Robert’s Dreams

I cannot wait to spend the rest of our lives together. There are so many things I’m looking forward to, it’s hard to come up with a list. I guess the first thing that comes to mind is all the small things that add up into one great thing. Cooking together, going on walks, going to the movies, etc. Then there are the larger things, like the many dogs she continues to tell me that we will have one day.

Krista is the best thing that has ever happened to me, and I look forward to the many decades we will spend together.

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How To Grow — Or Kill — A Relationship

~ kristalauren ~ 2 Comments

We only have two posts left about 1 Corinthians 13, and today’s is going to be a little lengthy, so hang in there!

“Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth.”

Sadly, there is a lot of evil in the world, some of which isn’t even thought of being that way. We are going to keep this post a little simple, though, and focus on the Bible by remembering the seven deadly sins. Pride, envy, gluttony, sloth, greed, wrath, and lust are categorized as the “seven deadly sins.” These are all things that can possibly kill beautiful relationships. I could have a lengthy conversation about how each of these can completely destroy two hearts that are bound together, but today I am going to focus on the three that feel the most prevalent.

We don’t really use the word “gluttony” very often, but according to Dictionary.com it means, “Excessive eating and drinking.” When we think of this word, we think of someone who cannot stop eating, and Bruce in Matilda* comes to mind as someone who eats to the point of being gluttonous. Instead of using the traditional definition of gluttony, however, I want to dig deeper into the reason gluttony is considered one of the seven deadly sins. The key word in the definition is, excess. “Eating and drinking” is in no way a harmful behavior. We need to eat to survive, and a glass of wine can be a great treat at the end of the day. Anything in excess can be incredibly damaging, though, especially to a relationship. The most prominent things I can think of today that people enjoy to excess would be videogames, television, alcohol, or even work. It is heartbreaking just how many girls I see in wedding groups talk about how their future husband won’t pay attention to them because he is too focused on Call of Duty or another game of the sort. I have seen countless people asking for advice on how to get their loved one out of the house and to take care of them half as much as they do their Playstation or Xbox.

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I had to sit and think of excessive habits before writing them on this page, and “work” was an interesting thing to include because many people would argue that if someone works hard, it can’t possibly be a negative attribute. A quote that has always stuck with me is,

“No one on his deathbed ever said, ‘I wish I had spent more time on my business.'” -Arnold Zack

Living in the suburbs outside of Washington, DC has been an interesting way to grow up because so many people here prioritize status, money, and power above relationships. Even in school we were always pushed to take as many high level classes as we could manage without breaking — and then some. We were encouraged to play a sport every single season and maintain extracurriculars that would “help us get into a good college one day.” Even in the younger grades I had several hours of homework after spending all day at school. Never once did my high school mention that spending time with family was important, or that having close friendships would be what remained after school was all done with. Doing something meaningful and productive in the world is so important, however the influence you have in the lives of the individuals you come into contact with on a daily basis is just as important.

Greed is something that is a really obvious detrimental trait in a relationship, as it is linked to selfishness. A lack of contentment is the easiest way to lead an unhappy life, and constantly wanting more for yourself will secure a spot with all the other people who can’t focus on the present and always just want more.

Lust is one of the most obvious relationship-destroyers. When I think of “lust,” I think of Hollywood, and I think of society’s normalization of objectifying women. Movies are filled to the brim with sex, nudity, and innuendos, and whether you like it or not, we are conditioned to think that sex isn’t always a private moment between two people who care about each other. It is something that we see every day in magazines, on television, and on unsuspecting webpages, and it is no longer considered “shocking” when someone poses without any clothing on for millions of people to see. Relationships fall apart every single day because one — or both — parties believe they can do better and find someone new and exciting to pursue. Lust is one of the deadly sins because love cannot be sustained through lust. Love is fed through hearts and souls, and a beautiful body is never going to keep a relationship happy and healthy. If anything, love gives a beautiful new set of lenses to view your partner through, and gives a healthy physical component through knowing what is deep down in someone’s heart.

*Side note: When I was a kid, we saw Matilda in theaters and had to leave because I was terrified of the chokey. In hindsight this was a kind of sick movie, hahaha!

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“Love rejoices in the truth.”

Two of my favorite words in the English language are “love,” and “rejoice.” They both make my heart flutter with joy, and always have something positive attached. Truth is the key word in this sentence about love, though. “The truth” is the direct object of the sentence, which means it is the reason love is rejoicing. Your love is able to be excited because of having an open and honest connection. Trust is the very basic necessity of a strong relationship; without it there is no foundation to build love upon. Something I really love about my relationship now is that I haven’t ever questioned whether or not I am being lied to. I know my significant other is someone who is always going to be upfront and honest with me, and that has given me such an enormous level of security that I want every single person to be with someone that they first and foremost trust. The world is not a perfect place, which means the truth can sometimes hurt or be difficult to deal with, however love becomes much easier when it is centered around truth. True love doesn’t keep secrets and can grow and really flourish with truthfulness.

Our last post will finish Corinthians with,

“[Love] always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”

We will dissect each of these, and talk about why I think it’s important the verse ends with, “always perseveres.” Thank you for keeping up with this little segment, and I can’t wait to finish this chapter about a beautiful favorite wedding Bible verse.

“Don’t Settle” Isn’t Always Good Advice

~ kristalauren ~ 14 Comments

I think something we’ve all heard from our friends and family is don’t settle for a mediocre relationship. Some of us have friends who haven’t really been in a relationship before because they haven’t found anyone worth spending time on dating. I was that girl for close to two decades. Granted, I don’t think the first thirteen years of life are typically reserved for dating, but you get it — I was definitely a late bloomer.

Today I’d like to play the devil’s advocate, though, and pose a different argument.

Could you possibly be too picky in the dating world?

I am a firm believer in not dating someone who clearly goes against one of your deal breakers. I am also a firm believer in only having a few of those, though. Things that you absolutely cannot live with — or without — constitute as deal breakers. Religion, priorities, lifestyles, and location are all things that are very real deal breakers.

I have seen some really amazing people pass over potential dates for really superficial or minuscule traits. Whether it’s a hairstyle and something about a person’s looks, or an unrelatable hobby, I see great people get ditched for small differences all the time. I’m a huge advocate for the “it’s just a date” philosophy, and I think you are far more likely to miss out on a wonderful person by being incredibly strict with your dating criteria, rather than being open to going on a few potentially bad dates.

The reality of the world is that you are never going to find someone who is absolutely perfect. Every single person on this earth is going to be different than you in one way or another, and if you say “no” to everyone who has some sort of quirk, you’re never going to find anyone who is exactly the same as you are. To be honest, if I met myself I think I’d be bugged by plenty of things. I am chronically late (but working on it!), I can be high-maintenance — especially with my medical needs — I need words of affirmation to feel like my work is valid, and I have a fairly sensitive heart with the people I love most. When you can overlook my flaws, though, I have a good heart. I am patient, I love deeply, I know how to put someone else’s needs above my own, and I try to be there for anyone who needs a friend. My purpose feels like it is to make others feel less alone in the world,  which is why I write so often about my honest thoughts and feelings.

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I want to encourage you to look at your deal breakers and reevaluate what you find is important in a relationship. If you swipe left on people for their fashion sense or because they seem to have one or two different interests, I challenge you to change your ways for just one month. Give guys you ordinarily wouldn’t a chance, and go on a few dates with people who aren’t quite “your type,” and just treat dating as a fun little activity with no pressure to find Mr. Right. There’s a reason people so often say they met their significant other when they weren’t looking — it’s so much easier to date when you don’t feel pressured to find your perfect match. Your heart becomes open to finding beautiful love when you don’t have your guard so high up and when you can just relax, be yourself, and have fun.

If you decide to start dating around, please let me know how it goes! I love hearing all of your stories. 

Single And So Ready To Settle Down

~ kristalauren ~ 10 Comments

Do you feel lonely this winter? Are you sick and tired of being single and seeing a-million-and-one proposals, weddings, and budding new relationships all over social media?

You are not alone.

I know it feels like it sometimes, but something I think is so important to remember is that the people who are super-single, frustrated with dating, or ready for marriage and a family but still looking for their partner in crime are not posting on Facebook about this. They are actually likely the majority on your friend list, but they’re a silent majority.

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If you feel frustrated for being single, don’t beat yourself up. Just because your heart wants companionship doesn’t mean something is wrong with you. We are built to love and be loved. That desire is so, so normal. Sure, there are people who never get married and still feel fulfilled, but the reality of it is most people eventually find love with a romantic partner and decide to tie the knot at one time or another. It’s not wrong to dream about having a life with someone you haven’t met yet, and it actually is okay to be actively seeking a relationship, as long as it’s not taking over your entire life.

Did you know that this is the first time in American history that more women are having children in their thirties than in their twenties? Yup — and that’s not just me trying to be comforting — check out the facts right here. The mean age of women going through their first pregnancy is now 28, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. This is largely in part because they are also settling down later in life than they have in the past.

So if you’re reading this and in your late twenties or thirties and feel a little left out in the love department, remember that you are not running late, and you are not the minority. Often it’s the loudest people we notice the most, and that can craft an image in our heads of what we should be doing in our lives or what the majority looks like. Our perception becomes skewed based on the people who are making announcements, and we forget about those who are sitting in silence. People who are staying still or even struggling are far less likely to speak up about it. Those who haven’t yet found their special person just aren’t rambling about that on every Facebook and Instagram post.

I do think it’s important to keep up activities that you enjoy other than dating while you’re “shopping around” for the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, and it’s crucial to keep things as lighthearted and fun as possible in order to protect your heart until you know someone well enough to give them it one little piece at a time. You know how everyone always gives the annoyingly cliched advice that you’ll find the right person when you aren’t looking for them? This is often true — as I think opportunities pop up that we would never had dreamed up for ourselves — but I also think it’s great to keep putting a conscious effort into going after what we want, even if that’s a relationship. So go create a dating profile or sit next to the guy you’ve been crushing on from afar. Even though things often start happening when you stop worrying, it can never hurt to put yourself out there and be the very best version of you to prepare for the adventure of a lifetime with someone one day. Until then, though, remember that you’re never alone, and that there are so many people who can empathize with any struggles or frustrations that you have. Despite every human being incredibly unique from the next, our struggles are surprisingly so very similar.

Taylor Swift Is My Spirit Animal

~ kristalauren ~ 13 Comments

I’ve never been able to relate to the whole spirit animal thing. I don’t think there’s really an animal that I can compare my personality to. I wish I could just make it simple and say a dog, but I don’t think anyone can really say that; dogs are just too good for us.

Taylor Swift is someone I can completely relate to in so many different ways, though, so I’ve adopted her as my spirit animal.

That’s such a funny sentence because if you look at her life compared to mine it couldn’t be more opposite. She is in the public eye and has 105 million followers on Instagram, compared to my account just scraping the surface of 1,000; far more people read the songs that journal her feelings than these blog posts. Taylor has all the money in the world to spend on whatever she wants, owns my dream apartment in Manhattan, and gets to utilize the best makeup artists in the world for anything from red carpet events to just going to the gym. She has celebrity BFFs and can meet whoever she wants, but her heart still beats like a normal human being’s. She still has the exact same feelings as us, and articulates them so darn well that you forget what her reality is. Love or hate her, you have to admit Taylor is the queen of feelings and can bring them out in our lives despite living in very different circumstances.

I listen to Taylor Swift to get inspiration for different blog posts and they help me bring back feelings when I need to describe how I felt at any given time in my life. If you asked me about any of my experiences, I could tell you which Taylor song I was obsessed with in any significant chapter of my life.

For my first breakup I listened to, “All Too Well” on repeat — mainly because I loved one of the last lines of the song. It reminded me that broken promises aren’t something that make for a lasting relationship, and even though the song didn’t sing the tune that I would fall in love again, I knew that there was something bigger and better to come. “Begin Again” was the song that offered hope that I would one day meet someone who loved me despite the hardships that life might throw our way, and that I might not actually know what true love is yet.

Meeting Robert and falling in love with him confirmed that to me, and “Enchanted” soon became my new favorite song. He doesn’t know it (Until now, that is), but sometimes when I feel like my heart is going to overflow with love I’ll dance around my room and sing it at the top of my lungs. I think about the countless times he picked me up before he went overseas and drove me to and from his little apartment in the city just to have a little bit of time together. I remember how I felt when he wondered aloud how he met someone so compatible to his own heart, and I remember thinking about how he didn’t know quite how strongly I felt about him because I had my guard up. I blushed when he told me how he felt, and I tried my best to bottle up the words, “I love you” that were just dying to spill out. I remember the day I couldn’t contain myself anymore and decided to tell him how I felt. There hasn’t been a day we haven’t said those three little words since.

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When we started doing long distance for his deployment, the song “Ours” really touched my heart. I remember driving to my favorite local coffee shop one day and pulling to the side of the road to cry when that song came on the radio, as it brought up so many of the delicate feelings I had been having since he left several months before. I still can’t watch the music video without tearing up a little.

The really difficult feelings from my past have disappeared, but I can still remember them all so well. My heart remembers feelings the same way minds keep track of numbers, dates, or formulas. I don’t try to; I’m just programmed to rely on my heart more than anything. This is why I want so badly to reach out and let other people know that the hard emotions that you want to forget will disappear one day and be a distant memory. I want to share my experiences about falling in love and caring deeply about people because that’s what makes life so worthwhile, and we can all have those kind of feelings in our lives if we’re willing to put ourselves out there and risk getting hurt. Love is the one thing in the world I think is worth risking everything for, and when you find the person who’s heart beats to the same rhythm as yours, all the pain and heartache from your past begins to disappear. 

Stop Making Excuses

~ kristalauren ~ 2 Comments

Something humans do a lot is try to rationalize and make sense of the world around us. This often includes other people, and the dating world. Analyzing dating is such a fun thing; in fact, I often do it on this blog and really look forward to hearing about new situations so I can try to get into someone’s head and figure out why they behave the way they do.

One thing I’ve seen over and over again in the dating world is people trying to make excuses for others’ behavior. Whether it’s giving them an excuse to misbehave, or trying to justify their actions, there is sometimes too much forgiveness for someone who just isn’t the right fit for you. Today I want to target some of those examples and help some of those struggling with this to realize they don’t have to know why someone is behaving inappropriately; instead, just find a person who will treat you well right off the bat.

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Example 1:
You’ve been talking to a guy for awhile and he is chronically “bad at texting you back.” 

Whether it’s game day or he’s working, I think about 95% of millennials have their phone with them the majority of the day. I know there are the exceptions to the rule, but if someone really likes you they’re going to want to connect with you — or at least make you feel secure with the amount of time they are willing to give to you. If you’re seeing him on a regular basis and he’s bad at texting you that’s one thing, but if he just isn’t stepping up to the plate to make plans and doesn’t connect with you on your phone, move on. There are a million reasons he might not be texting you, but all of them are irrelevant if he’s not going to give you the care you want and deserve in a relationship.

Example 2:
He isn’t romantic and doesn’t seem to speak your love language. 

This is a little more complicated. Have you talked your guy about this? You definitely don’t have to have the same love language as someone to make a relationship with them work, but to have a healthy and fulfilling love life you might have to put extra work into figuring out what makes your partner feel loved. If you’ve had conversations about your heart and don’t see a real effort being made to change that have actions to back up the words that are being said, take a step back and reevaluate. Actions speak volumes louder than words, and it’s very important to be with someone who prioritizes taking care of your heart, mind, and soul. Changing behaviors and being more aware can take time — so be patient — but it also takes a lot of hard work and effort. You’ll know if your partner isn’t putting work behind their words, but if they are, that is an amazing quality to have in a significant other.

Example 3:
You’ve been dating for awhile and he’s still too scared or broken to commit. 

If you’re looking for a relationship but the person you’ve been seeing isn’t, chances are the timing isn’t right for you two. I typically don’t buy in to “timing” being the sole reason for a relationship not working out — I think if someone cares about you with all their heart they can make things work despite having a lot of other things going on in life — but there are people who genuinely won’t work because of when they meet. This doesn’t mean y’all won’t be together in the future, but don’t hold out for that. If you want companionship, don’t waste your time with someone who isn’t ready unless you’re really actually fine with waiting for them. People can be unpredictable, especially if they are living in a confused state of mind and trying to figure themselves out. Step away and revisit the relationship if the opportunity comes up again, but in the meantime keep your options and heart open to what the world has to offer.

These examples are fairly general, and I think many of us could at some point relate to something similar. My point in this post is to stop wasting your time in the dating world, and start dating smarter. When you take care of your heart and mental health while shopping around for a partner, you are increasing your dating stamina and making room for the right person to step into your life, rather than exhausting yourself with all the wrong people. This makes the dating world a lot less painful, confusing, and frustrating, and allows you to cut out a lot of the games that are often started when playing the field.

WE ARE ENGAGED!!!!!

~ kristalauren ~ 23 Comments

Hi Single in The Suburbs family!

You might have noticed that I’ve been gone for a little over a week now… Well that’s because I’ve just been busy getting engaged! Robert asked me to marry him last week in New York City, and I have been so excited since. I wanted to share the news with some of my close friends before announcing it to the world, but now that everyone knows I can’t wait to share some of the story with y’all.

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Two Christmases ago I would’ve never guessed that I would be spending the end of 2017 engaged. Actually, I kind of take that back, because two years ago was the first time Robert and I said we loved each other. All my friends knew from the start that my relationship with Robert was different than anything I’ve had before. Our hearts combined are a once in a lifetime love, and I’m so excited to have him by my side for forever.

This weekend is a little crazy because it’s my mom’s birthday and then mine, but I’ll be doing a lot of writing next week to give you guys the scoop. ❤