From Girlfriend To Fiancée

Wow, the past few months have been crazy in the best way.

Robert and I got engaged in November and I had plenty of time to breathe and enjoy our new titles as “fiancée” and “fiancé” (Side note: did you know that the word differs in spelling for a man and a woman? Two “e’s” mean the word is for a female, and just one makes it male). Now that I’m in month five of being engaged I want to tell you all how everything has been and what kind of advice I have for people when they first get engaged too.

First, one thing I did that I would absolutely do over and over again is that I kept the engagement off social media for a little over a week. It was so special having this little secret with Robert and all my loved ones, and it made that time so memorable and easier to live in the moment. Rather than getting hundreds of calls, texts, and well wishes online, we were able to hold hands and be quietly excited at the thought of getting to marry each other one day in the near future. It felt a lot more intimate and all of the new changes had time to sink in before announcing our new status to the world.

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Second, I recommend actually searching for venues after taking a few weeks to let everything sink in. My initial response to the dozens of “Have you set a date?!” question was, “I am just taking some time to enjoy being engaged.” While that is all fine and dandy, I knew I wanted to get married in the fall. We got engaged in the winter, and wanted a fall wedding. Had I started right away I would have had about a year to plan, whereas I knocked off about a third of that to just sit back and relax. Luckily, everything on that front has worked itself out and I’m really happy with the way our plans are materializing, but the Washington DC area is super competitive, even in the wedding industry. If you want to get married on a certain date or time of year, you should keep that in mind while figuring out how long you are going to be engaged and when to start planning.

Third, there is no right or wrong timeline. Some engagements are short, others are long, and there are a million in between. Figure out what you think is right, then just go for it! Planning such a big event is definitely a new and unique challenge, but it’s also a lot of fun once you stop dipping your toes in the water and just jump into planning. Luckily, all of the research I’ve done in college and assignments I had at Seventeen are really paying off, because it takes a lot of work to find the right vendors to create a big event like this.

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Finally, enjoy second of being engaged and make sure to still go on date nights and do things outside of planning your wedding. Time goes by so fast, and before you know it you’ll be a husband or wife instead of just a fiancé(e)!

June Is For Weddings

I’ve been incredibly busy the past couple of weeks because I’ve had to save all of my energy for weddings! It’s crazy how I had only been to a couple of weddings before this year — now I’ll have been to four this year alone.

26 is a funny age because half of your friends are engaged or married, the other half are super-single. I wanted to write a little note of encouragement to each type of person, as I know there are highs and lows associated with each.

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To my married friends: I am so happy that you found your person! I always hear that the first year of marriage is the hardest. I’m no expert on this, but I would assume it’s a huge adjustment suddenly sharing everything with your significant other. Having to re-budget finances and learn how to save together, sharing living quarters with someone new, and fighting for the last cookie in the pantry are a few that come to mind. Be kind and patient with one another — and to yourself — and always remember why you choose to love each other first every day. It takes time to adjust to big changes, so it’s normal that you might be feeling a bit overwhelmed after the excitement wears off. You’ll get the hang of it soon enough, but in the meantime make sure you still have the time to go out on dates and continue to speak your spouse’s love language to them.

To my engaged friends: Congratulations! I’m sure you’re incredibly excited and overwhelmed with planning a wedding, but remember that your wedding is just one day out of forever. My hope is that you are incredibly excited to celebrate with your friends and family because you just cannot wait to spend the rest of your life with the most special person you’ve ever met. Try to enjoy your time being engaged and don’t stress too much over the little details for your big day. Remind yourself that this time is such an exciting one to bond and continue to learn about your fiancee, and make time to enjoy one another amidst all of the chaos wedding planning ensues.

Remember, though, that marriage doesn’t fix things. Signing your name on a piece of paper with another human being and moving in with them or having children won’t make you closer or communicate better. If you feel in your gut that the decision you’re about to make isn’t right, please take a minute to reevaluate. Seek counseling if you need to get an outsider’s opinion on your relationship. Breakups are tough, but it’s so much better to have a few months of grieving the loss of a relationship than spending your life with the wrong person — or going through an incredibly painful divorce in the future.

To my single friends: You are not alone. I know sometimes it feels like everyone around you is having a really easy time navigating the dating/relationship world, but always try to keep in mind that although you may see a million and one social media posts about great relationships, the other singles out there are just quieter. People don’t typically post things like, “I’m currently not in a relationship!” or “Doing nothing in my PJs by myself this weekend!” If you want to get married one day, your time will come. Celebrate healthy relationships with your friends now, and one day they’ll be excited to celebrate with you!

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I’ve felt so lucky having such a great date to take to weddings this year.

Today’s lesson: We are all on different schedules in life and you can’t always plan when people come into your life. Try to enjoy each stage to it’s fullest. One thing I’ve learned is that time is something you can never get back, so try to look at the positive things about today so you can feel like you fully appreciated each stage in life.