My Resolution To Be Fearless

We are over 4 months into the new year and I decided to reevaluate how I am doing on my resolution to fear less in my everyday life. I wouldn’t quite say I am failing, but I’d give myself a “C” on this front, and I am not okay with that.

Having a lifestyle blog for anyone in the world to read is a little nerve-wracking, but the fact that any of my friends, family, and acquaintances can read about some of my deepest feelings and thoughts is a whole lot scarier than strangers following along my journey. My best friends know what kind of beautiful, fearful, and thoughtful desires are in my heart, but putting it on paper for those who don’t know me very well makes everything feel a whole lot more intimidating. Ink is permanent and words are sometimes interpreted by readers differently than the writer intends.

I know people like to talk about what others are up to sometimes. I do think about 99% of my readers are kindhearted amazing people who genuinely want what’s best for me, so despite having a good number of readers on this little online space, I believe it’s safe to share my heart with you all. I also know how easy it is to make snap judgments about others on social media, though. This blog showcases a small piece of my life, despite my best efforts to share meaningful things with y’all, and it can be difficult when friends make an assumption based on one, three, or a dozen little posts from a couple days of life. Feelings can be long and drawn out or incredibly fleeting, and I write a lot about both. 

After thinking about it a lot, I’m not going to say I’m done with being afraid — because I’m totally not, and there will be times I won’t share a lot of what’s going on in my life — but I am going to use the next few months to put a lot out there and cross off some of my goals without worrying so much about what other people might think. I will continue to work to “fear less” every day so that one day I might be able to call myself “fearless” in pursuing my dreams.

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2018, Fearless

Fear is a great motivator. It stifles our light and often keeps us from doing really meaningful work merely because of the off-chance that something bad may happen. When we look at someone else’s fears we don’t always see the validity of them and wonder how in the world they are letting something so hypothetical stop them from living their lives; however, our own fears feel very real and valid because they are scenarios that could really hurt us.

I have a small arsenal of writing that I have done but kept to myself because I’m afraid to share it for one reason or another. In 2017 the word I chose for the year was, “strong,” and I feel like despite some tricky circumstances, I have been able to live up to what this word means. Going into 2018 I want my word of the year to be Fearless. The dictionary defines this word as,

Fearless: adj, “without fear; bold or brave; intrepid,”

but I think when you break it down the word simply means, “fear less.”

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Fear in life is inevitable. It can be a healthy feeling, as it keeps us from doing stupid things, however it can also keep us from reaching our full potential. Think of how much you could accomplish in life if you didn’t base so many decisions on fear. The times I have moved forward with actions despite being afraid of the outcome I think my writing has been much more dynamic, raw, and real than when I am merely trying to come up with content.

This is the opposite of what I want to do right now. I’ve had a few things happen that make me want to crawl back into my shell and hide, and the last thing I want to do is continue creating posts that reach deep down into my heart to spill words on these pages for anyone in the world to read. This year I’ve learned that people don’t always want what’s best for you, and their intentions can be malicious and manipulative. I’ve learned that not all women want what’s best for other women, and my heart has hurt because of it. Something else I’ve learned, though, is that it’s really easy to look at the bad in situations. For some reason it seems to be human nature to hone in on the negative. Knowledge is power, and after taking my first step of realizing this, I have learned that the majority of the people who read this blog are kind, caring, and genuine. They want what is best for me, and they don’t have any ulterior motives from reading the diary I keep online. One person in over a thousand should not dictate the way I share my life, and most of us are here to cheer each other on and make every journey easier by being there for each other. This is a time for celebration, and I am so, so excited about my future with Robert, and with writing all about my life and the content of my heart.

So here’s to diving in head and heart first, fearless.

POTS And The Election

No, I did not mean to write POTUS and am not writing about a connection between Barrack Obama and this election. I wanted to share a personal experience of mine (shocker!) in hopes to bring anyone worried about the outcome just a little bit of comfort.

Sometimes life doesn’t go the way we plan. In fact, sometimes we find ourselves in a living nightmare, and wonder how in the world our life could ever get back on track. Three and a half years ago (basically an entire Presidential term!) when I got diagnosed with POTS I felt like the world was crashing down around me, and I had absolutely no control. I was terrified, felt alone, and wished I had taken more time to explore my faith.

The day I felt like I was having a heart attack and thought I was certainly going to die changed my life forever. The really incredible thing about this, though, is that I am alive and well almost four years later. Although my life has had some pretty major ups and downs, I am a stronger, kinder, more empathetic, and an all-around better person because of the struggles I have gone through.

There are very polarized opinions this election. I have never felt a divide as fierce with my brothers and sisters in America as I do today. Tomorrow, though, we will have a new President, for better and for worse. Some might rejoice at the news, others feel devastated, and still others indifferent. One thing I think is crucial for us to do now more than ever, however, is stay united as Americans and as human beings. We all want what is best for this beautiful country, we just have different ideas of getting there. No matter what happens, Hilary Clinton, Donald Trump,  or I’ll even throw in a shoutout to Gary Johnson (Or is he certainly out? I am writing this before I go sit and watch election coverage with my fried rice) will not have the final say in whether or not we stay united as a people. WE DO. WE ARE THE PEOPLE OF THE UNITED STATES.

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We have had incredible people and less than stellar ones in and out of this beautiful home for decades and we have survived as one of the greatest nations in the world. No matter what happens tonight we will remain strong and united as long as we, the people, choose to be.

My point in saying all of this is that whoever is getting ready to move in the White House tomorrow is not up to us as individuals. Our beautiful country put someone there, and we just have to accept it. Instead of worrying yourself sick, I encourage you to turn to Jesus with your fears. When I got POTS I was terrified and felt like I didn’t have anyone to turn to because my faith was so shaky. I still have a really long way to go in terms of trusting God with my own life and salvation, but I do realize there is a higher power who is looking out for each and every one of us, whether or not you even believe in Him! This is something that matters so much. We all are only human, and it can be scary to think about, but our time here is limited.

The next four years we will handle whomever is thrown at us. We will get through this as a nation, and I am confident that no matter what we can come out of this even stronger and more united than we were before if we can manage to work on ourselves as individuals to better our country as a whole. After all, the United States is made up of exactly that — 325,000,000 individual human beings.

I lived through one of my biggest fears and ended up growing from it in ways I never could have if my life had gone in a different direction. I really hope Americans will do the same, too.