Thursday, Day 22

This morning I wrote about how shockingly well I am handling all of this. Tonight, I’m crying about it. I think this is kind of typical of everyone right now.

I’m sick of being stuck inside and am dying to go on a normal date, missing my family and friends, and would love to be able to look forward to the beach this summer — or even just spending some time outside. I am scared for the health and well-being of loved ones and strangers alike. I am dying to go to Trader Joe’s to get my usual favorite snacks, and I don’t want to keep seeing how different life is by watching the news. It all feels like a weird dream. The beginning of this feels so long ago now.

All of this is incredibly confusing. Like, how did we get to a point where people can’t go outside? Anyway, this morning I wrote a much more lighthearted draft, and want to still offer some of that sentiment, even as a comfort to myself right now.

First, I have done the whole quarantine thing before — or at least it felt similar to me. When I first got sick with POTS I could barely sit upright, much less go do my normal activities. I created a new normal that gave me as much joy as I had in my 22 years before getting sick. It wasn’t always easy and I often missed things about having a healthy body, but I was still able to be happy, despite the earth-shattering change. This change was actually even bigger than the pandemic feels because I was so used to being an athlete and out in the world, but literally could not leave the couch or go from floor to floor in the house more than once in a day. Now I at least can stand up to cook, go to the basement to exercise, and play hide and seek with my dog. Lesson one, you can have joy in the face of adversity.

Another thing POTS taught me is that circumstances change. That’s lesson two of learning to deal with a life-shattering change. The first year I was so sick even going to the grocery chore was a difficult to impossible task (read: me lying on the aisle floor until I could stand again without passing out). Over time I was able to run errands. Then I could go out to dinner. Then I worked my way up to doing things like trips with friends or walking around the beautiful city of DC. I still can’t run or anything, but I can walk for an incredibly long time without feeling dizzy, my pain is decreasing astronomically, and I can drive for an hour at a time! I’ve really come a long way. My new normal did keep changing, and I’ve been able to work with it every step of the way. Things change, and even if they’re slower than you’d like, you learn a lot of lessons along the way and can still be joyful.

Finally, the most important thing in life will always be your loved ones. For this I am sure (Insert Nunzio voice here, Robert).

I’ve always known this, but having any kind of health scare definitely changes your outlook. It’s funny because I do definitely think taking things for granted is in our nature. When I was really sick I always thought I would never take little things for granted if I was lucky enough to get better, but sure enough, things like going out on walks with my dog weren’t aren’t appreciated and I haven’t taken advantage of the fact that I can do yoga now. It’s weird being so separated from everyone, and I think this experience will change the way we spend time with others. I hope we are more present and cut more time out of the day to be with people, and take the time out of the year to travel and visit our long distance friends and family.

Anyway, I think we all need to remember that this is going to ultimately be just a blip in our lives if we can all come together and support each other. I pray that we can get things under control sooner rather than later, and that we can all be tough together. I know this isn’t easy, but I feel like it will be similar to my past experience in that we will appreciate more in life, worry less about trivial things, and learn to be joyful through every stage in life. There are a few things I’m incredibly grateful for right now, and I know I’m being looked out for and taken care of, which is really comforting in this strange time. I hope you can find some things you’re thankful for in this transition time, too!

Friends: S1, Episodes 2 And 3. Ross Is Still A Creep.

I’m on the second episode of Friends and ready to laugh a little tonight. I think I’ll be doing quite a few recaps during the end of the basketball and hockey seasons. Thank goodness we aren’t one of those families who watch a lot of baseball or I’d be screwed!

The episode starts off fast. The friends are all talking about how important kissing is to women. Relatable.

Ross is at his job right now. He’s with some cave people and his boss and oh my gosh he is boring with a capital “B.” Here comes his ex wife! (Or at least one of them anyway) He hates that she looks great. OH MY GOSH wait she’s pregnant. Is it Ross’ baby?! This show doesn’t waste any time.

Monica is really freaking out about her family coming. Now Rachel lost her engagement ring. I’m a little bored. The jokes just aren’t landing with me right now, and the fake laughter is getting on my nerves. Chandler isn’t being very funny but put his hands on his hips and tried so hard to deliver some of his jokes.

Rachel thinks her engagement ring is in the lasagna Monica made. Now I’m craving Italian food. They’re digging through it and Phoebe found it just as Ross announced he’s going to be a father. He’s also wearing a buttondown shirt made of jeans material and a purple striped tie. Was this ever a normal look?

Is it just me or does Ross stare off into the distance a lot? I’m sorry, but he’s so annoying. I digress.

I just zoned out for a few minutes while Monica and Ross had dinner with their family. It was kind of boring, but Ross had to announce that he got his ex wife pregnant, so I guess that was maybe pertinent to the show.

Now he’s sweeping for Rachel at the coffee shop. He’s trying to be cutsey and it was annoying at first, but it’s very back and forth for me. Okay, I lied. I’m just trying to be nicer about Ross, but it doesn’t feel authentic.

Rachel is just chilling with Dr. Farber now. She’s wearing overalls and looks kind of cute. Weren’t those supposed to come back into style this season or something? I would be all over that tbh. Doctor Farber is a weird dude. He went on his honeymoon to Aruba (yay!) with Rachel’s best friend.

Ross is at the OBGYN with his ex wife and her girlfriend now. They’re trying to come up with a name for the baby. Now they’re seeing her in the sonogram.

I’m still bored.

Let’s just power through to the next episode. Season 1, Episode 3: “The One with The Thumb.”

Okay, Ross just landed his first joke with me and he’s charmed me enough to make me laugh out loud. He’s talking about his childhood dog going to live on “The Milner’s farm,” which obviously doesn’t exist. I like his hilariously pure innocence in this instance, and he’s moved up maybe a point in my book.

Friends S1E1 Recap

Welcome to my first recap of Friends! There will be spoilers, but since everyone and their mom has already seen this show a thousand times over, I don’t feel the need to say that before every review. Soon, everyone in America will have seen the show Friends, and I’ll feel a lot less alone in not getting normal 90s references. Okay, starting my live recap: NOW.


Wow, what the heck is up with everyone’s hair?! I am literally 20 seconds into the show and they all have insane volume and shine. I’ve never seen anything like it! I don’t think their hair is normally like this, but I could be wrong. Go back and watch the episode because this is crazy and they all have to be wigging out. Joey looks like he’s in a 90s punk band or channeling Pete Wentz.

Courtney Cox and Chandler are sitting next to each other and don’t even know they’ll be married one day. Ew, and what the heck is up with the way Courtney treats her brother?! I remember them being all creepy in another episode. “You OK, sweetie?” she asked as she gently touched his hand. I do not like the chemistry between these two actors. They make Friends have a hint of Thrones, if you catch my drift.

OMG. Ross is already complaining about being single. “I don’t want to be single, I just want to be married again.” What is his deal?! He’s already blown through a wife (or two, or three) by the first episode?! Yikes. I know he’s known for getting married a bunch, so I guess they needed to get the first out of the way before the series even begins.

Rachel just walked in in a wedding dress! Ahh I don’t know anything about this storyline. Was she married once already too? She might be perfect for Ross if she can knock out a couple others before she and Ross get together.

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Photo Credit: NBC

Courtney Cox’s name is Monica! That’s right. I don’t know why I forgot that. Now she’s wearing an outfit with suspenders. I feel a little weird about them.

We’re watching the friends watch television while Rachel shrieks on the phone with her dad. It’s kind of boring right now tbh, but I’m hoping this episode is all just telling us about the characters and stuff.

Joey is hitting on Rachel. I have a feeling these characters will all kind of cycle around dating each other. It’s not very realistic that they’d all be able to be friends after that, but I think it’s going to be one of those kinds of shows.

Phoebe is my favorite character right now. She pulled out a bunch of her eyelashes on accident and then sang a song from The Sound of Music while Rachel was having a panic attack. I think she’ll be a pretty funny character, but not everyone’s cup of tea.

Rachel is crying on the phone now. I honestly am so annoyed at the show and it’s not very funny yet. Since it’s the pilot I’m going to keep pushing forward, though. I think it’ll get good.

Monica is on a date with a guy who looks really familiar. Some sort of nineties dad or something who is kind of a doofus in a show. I can’t for the life of me remember what movie, but it was something along the lines of The Parent Trap.

Ew! Ross is complaining AGAIN. He’s so whiny. I know I’m being harsh because his heart is broken, but I told you it was going to be hard for me to give Ross a chance. Ok, calm down Krista, he’s grieving. Ew!! But now he’s talking about wanting to ask a girl out again right after ending his marriage. “Even if I had the nerve, who would I ask?” ROSS. TAKE A BREAK FROM WOMEN AND LET YOUR HEART HEAL. Goodness gracious; he really cannot just be by himself.

Monica is kissing the 90s dad in front of everyone now. They all watched creepily and it felt like they were acting for a play on Broadway with their exaggerated stances. Then Joey of all people tries to act cool when she comes back to the table to join them. I think he’s a player and supposed to be the “cool guy” on the show, but he’s just giving me brunette Draco Malfoy vibes. His outfit is really cringeworthy too. Black pants and some sort of jeans-y fabric muscle shirt. I need to keep in mind this is the 90s and maybe he was cool and stylish. I just have a hard time believing it.

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Same straight side swoop.

Now Monica is upset that it turns out the 90s dad is a player. Phoebe decides to offer to rub her feet in a coffee shop, and Ross stares at her longingly. SHE’S YOUR SISTER, ROSS. Please don’t act like the Lannisters.

EW!!! Ross is trying to flirt with Rachel. Get away from her!! He’s making me so mad right now guys. I can’t. NOW HIS ARM IS AROUND MONICA. NOW SHE KISSED HIM BEFORE BED LIKE IT’S NORMAL. I wish I could make this font bigger because I was just double shocked and am not well.

Ew. He’s splitting an Oreo with Rachel now. Okay actually he’s being a little cute. He’s saying he used to crush on her in high school. I didn’t really realize they knew each other before. Wait, no, he ruined it. He just asked if it would be okay if he asked her out sometime. Ross, you need to take some time for yourself, don’t bring Rachel into your messy life right now! No wonder he has been married six million times; he forces himself to move on way before he’s ready. He was literally just talking about how he didn’t know who he’d ask out and that was when it was obvious it could be Rachel.

Chandler was barely in this episode and I think I remember liking him in a few episodes. He was just kind of boring, but got a dumb joke at the end.

Hmm overall not impressed with this first episode of Friends, but I think most of us usually feel this way about the pilot of a TV show. To their credit, they need to set all the characters up and start the storyline somewhere. In my defense, they made Ross really freaking annoying in the first episode, so if this trend continues it’s maybe not my fault for knowing spoilers. Who is your favorite character on Friends, and if the answer is Ross, please explain and defend him. I’m going to give this show a season and see what it’s all about, then we’ll go from there.

Friends Season One, Episode One

Now that Game of Thrones is over, I decided to start a new series that I’m also incredibly behind the curve for — Friends. 

I somehow never really cared to watch it growing up, but I’ve seen a few episodes here or there recently and was surprised at how funny I thought it was. Particularly, the episode where Ross/Joey gets a spray tan (They both have dark hair and it’s hard to tell them apart rn). I cried I was laughing so hard! I hope there are plenty of other hilarious moments like this, because honestly it was one of the best episodes of anything on TV.

Ross! It was Ross. Okay, I also automatically hate Ross because I know all about “the break.” Maybe I’ll change my opinion once I start the series and I’m going to try to have an open mind, but ew. He’s so needy and skeezy. Like, if I was with a guy and we took a break, I would not want him back if 1) He literally could not be alone for a day without going out and desperately trying to find someone to help ease his pain. Life is hard enough as it is; you want a significant other who can handle pain without needing to lean on a woman at all times. 2) He was a bad enough communicator to not get any facts straight from the source, and just make a hasty assumption that led to even hastier actions. And 3) He didn’t realize my worth and that he should fight for me before giving up on the relationship. I don’t want a guy who doesn’t think our relationship is worth fighting for and doing everything in his power to make things work. I’d also be grossed out that he immediately lost interest in me and went off to find some sort of comfort in someone else. That 100% is not true love. If Ross wanted any sort of future with Rachel and really cared about her, he would be thinking of ways to make things work and be too upset to think about getting with another girl, or even want to. Getting over a broken heart takes time, so he didn’t really value their relationship very much. He should have at the very least had the self control to stay in his apartment, binge eat a container of Ben & Jerry’s and watch Arnold Schwarzenegger movies or whatever it is guys do when they’re having girl troubles.

Anyway, so if I have an irrational or seemingly unjustified hatred of Ross right off the bat, that’s why. Maybe Rachel is a big jerk too, I don’t know, but if she is I’ll go ahead and not like her later! I don’t have enough information yet. I also remember an episode where Phoebe sings about a Smelly Cat, and another where the brunette girl (Courtney Cox’s character) gets married to someone or engaged or something. She’s in London I think, and I don’t think it’s to Chandler, but maybe it is? I know they end up together, but I can’t remember if she was married once before or not. I know her brother, Ross, gets married like, six million times (Seriously, what is his problem?! Okay, I digress. I’m so sorry for all you Ross fans, I’ll try to get better).

I’ll go ahead and start the episode now, and come back tomorrow to see what I think of it! I don’t know if I’m going to do season reviews or what, but I might just live “tweet” my thoughts on episode 1 and go from there.

Strange Things I Miss

Today happens to be a very POTSie day. Luckily, dizzy spells are much fewer and further between, but I hate when they decide to come around with a vengeance. I have been doing a new exercise protocol lately that is supposed to make me feel worse before I feel better, but I am optimistic about how much it could help me in the long run.*

Anyway, I am currently working on a post about what my POTS timeline has looked like, and the improvements I’ve made, as well as the things that are still different in my life post getting sick. It’s been so interesting for me to look back at different things I wrote throughout the years, but is great to have something tangible to look at regarding my life.

Certain things are becoming more normal, and I am pulling off looking like a normal human being like a pro. I have looked pretty normal since getting sick with POTS, since it’s an invisible illness, but I used to have to ask for help much more often. Now I think people around me often forget completely that anything is wrong with me! I hope one day this will be true. Despite being sick for over five years now, I will never stop hoping to get back to complete normalcy. I have a million different things I’m working on for the blog, so today I wanted to just touch on a few things that have been different for me the past half-decade.

1. I can’t enjoy taking showers. Sometimes I hop in a hot shower just because I am in pain and want something to release the tension in my muscles, but for the most part they’re just exhausting. I usually choose between washing my hair or shaving if I’m going to stand the whole time, and have to alternate between the two or rest quite a bit longer after I’m done. Does anyone actually find showers enjoyable? I can’t remember anymore; now they’re just exhausting.

2. I’m not very extroverted anymore. Before I got POTS, I was super extroverted. I was always around people and had an enormous circle of friends. Mentally, I still want to be doing a million things, but my body isn’t up to that. I feel tired and drained from doing too much, so I don’t go out nearly as much as I used to. When I do, it’s usually dinner or dessert with just one or a few friends, rather than hanging out in a giant group. When I first got sick I really couldn’t do anything other than try to stay optimistic, rest, and work as hard as possible to take care of my body so I could hopefully get better one day. I think some of my friends who weren’t around might have felt like I was neglecting our friendship, but in reality I just couldn’t function. I have lost touch with people I sometimes still miss. Getting sick really does show you who is going to be around for the long haul, and makes you see who has unconditional love for your friendship.

3. I miss writing for hours on end. My favorite thing in the world has always been writing, even back in elementary school or high school when writing wasn’t supposed to be fun. I always said English was my favorite subject, even when other kids would say “lunch,” “recess,” or “gym.” I loved learning more about our language and how to write things that people would enjoy reading. It’s difficult for me to sit at a computer and type for hours without feeling it after, and then being in a lot of pain for days after. I am very slowly working on endurance, and hope to be writing more and more.

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4. I miss being a helper. Before I got POTS I was independent and strong. I loved helping other people in any way I could, and was always there to do acts of service. There is nothing I hate more than having to swallow my pride and ask others for help. I’ve had to do that a lot the past few years, and it honestly doesn’t get much easier. I hate inconveniencing others, and I have a really hard time telling people I need something. I am still working on communicating better, but in the meantime I use my writing as an outlet.

5. I wish I could have my old dreams back. I dreamt of living in New York City as a magazine editor, and thought about how many lives I would change through my writing. I wanted to be able to support myself, pay my parents back for school, and afford my own life. I wanted to keep pushing myself and training for another half marathon, and I wanted to collect a million new skills from the new people I’d meet.

I have set new and more realistic goals, and am focusing on getting my body in shape so I can reach higher. Despite my life being much more complicated now, it’s also somehow become more simple. I realize how much I value the people who are in my life, and how important they are compared to everything else in the world. I’ve learned to appreciate the many blessings I do have, and how to live in the moment better. I still feel like I’m looking to find my purpose in the world, but I also trust God now more than ever to have better plans for me than I ever did for myself. I’m just trying to figure out what that is now.


*For any POTSies who are curious, I am doing the Levine protocol.

How To Fill A Love Tank

The more I’ve loved, been loved, and felt broken, the more I’ve learned about the five different love languages and how important they really are. I’ve always known I’m an in-between and don’t have a primary LL, but over the years I’ve noticed that I need at least a pinch of each to make my love tank feel full. The more love that comes in and warms my heart, the more love I feel like I have to give away.

I need words of affirmation to feel like I mean something to other people. Whether it’s telling me that the words on this site matter or that my company is a joy, words of affirmation are currently tied for the lead of what I need coming into my heart. They’re also headlining what I strive to give every day. I’ve always been a big fan of pen and paper, and I write notes for even the newest of friends. I don’t think there will ever be a time in my life where I don’t write to those I love, and if there is, please come find me to make sure I’m okay.

At our wedding, I decided to write each and every one of my girl friends a letter telling them how much they mean to me and how happy I was they could share that day with me. It took hours of work to finish the pile of notes you see at the top of this picture, but every single one of the girls who came to support us means the world to me, and I wanted to remind them that. I wrote most of my notes well ahead of time — before I even knew what color I wanted our bridesmaid dresses to be, what vendor we’d use for flowers, or what flavor we wanted our cake to be. As with several other things I had imagined, I didn’t actually have the time to put these around at all the tables the day of the wedding, so I’m still slowly handing out the notes, but this was one of the top things I was excited about while planning our wedding.

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Photo Credit: Katie Nesbitt Photography

Physical touch has also been an important part of my life, and having a hand to hold or body to hug is really vital for my heart to feel cared for. It is tied as my most important love language right now. I don’t talk very much about my pain with even my closest friends and family, but I’ve felt like I’ve needed more hugs lately. Something about someone giving you a squeeze makes the world feel like it’s going to be alright, even when you feel like nobody could possibly understand how you feel. For just a moment I forget about anything that is hurting or bothering me and remember how much love I have in my life.

Gift giving used to be my top LL. Even as a kid I loved going to the store to buy presents for birthday parties, Christmas, and even small “just because” gifts with my allowance. I think I learned this language of love from my mom because she was so great at leaving little notes and stuffed animals on my pillow or under the covers for me to find when I crawled into bed at night. This practice carried on into college, which was where I reached far and wide to friends for birthdays and almost every single holiday in an attempt to make people around me feel special and cared for. I spent hours shopping for goody bags to make every Valentine’s Day because I wanted other people to love the holiday as much as I did, even if they were single like I often was. I bought chocolates, cards, nail polish, giant bags of pink and red confetti hearts, and topped the presents off with a mix CD made special for each friend. It’s funny to this day how many people tell me they remember my goofy little playlists. Gift giving is something I find really fun and I think most people feel pretty loved when they get a present that was chosen just for them. It isn’t about the thing, rather it’s the fact that someone spent the time and energy to think about you and do something about it that makes this LL special.

We have two more love languages left. Quality time, and acts of service.

Quality time will always be important to me, but I’ve learned just how necessary the beautiful, magical adjective “quality” is. Time, though a really valuable thing to give someone, is only special if it’s attentive and caring. Electronics make it worlds more difficult to get quality time, and a lot easier to give the excuse that you’ve filled this part of the tank in a friend, family member, or partner. I feel tired a lot and am guilty of plopping down on the couch, only to turn on a repeat episode of Friends or the newest Judge Judy case. Although that time can be spent bonding and laughing over the silliness that ensues, it only fills the “quality time tank” so much. The amount this fills for me lingers around the 15% line, because with a big black box in front of my face, there is only so much I am going to learn and connect with someone else.

Quality time is perhaps the most difficult of the love languages to manage because it does depend heavily on the activity and how present each person is with one another. To one — perhaps with physical touch as the highest of the love languages — snuggling up on the couch and catching a game might be something that really fills up their tank. To another person, however, with words of affirmation being important, talking has to be a larger part of the time spent together to actually be quality enough to fill the tank. Hallmark Christmas movies make me feel more connected to another person than anything else on television because I tend to talk through them and bond over how many errors the producers missed or storylines that don’t make sense.

Finally, acts of service. I tend to write about this love language last, because I understand it the least. This is arguably one of the most practical languages that I absolutely need, but it just doesn’t fill me up the way the other four do. It doesn’t give me a warm and fuzzy feeling or make my heart leap from my ribcage the way everything else seems to. I need this love language desperately, though, to keep my health maintained and feeling good. Mentally I notice all of the acts of service that are performed for me every day and I feel thankful for them, but they don’t offer the same powerful effect that a hug, love letter, or tasty dessert brought from my favorite bakery do. It registers to me that this is love, but it doesn’t fill my heart the way other languages do.

I encourage my friends and family to keep learning about their love languages, as well as their partner’s, family’s, and friends’. I talk about them so much on here because I truly believe knowing more about the five love languages is a fantastic base of any relationship, and they can drastically change how loved a person feels. It really is interesting how all of the languages work together and how much easier it is to love someone when you truly understand them. The most complicated thing about relationships is that none of us are the exact same, and we all need different things to make us feel content and secure at the end of the day. People are dynamic and what they need might change as they grow, so loving someone is a never-ending task. Love is the most worthwhile thing in the world, though, and means so much more when you’ve worked to make it more special.


Do you have any book suggestions for me to read? I’m always plugging The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman, so it would be great to hear what y’all enjoy too!

Let’s Talk About Sex

That’s a headline I’m sure grabbed your attention. I try my best to keep this blog very PG/PG-13. If you know me in person you know this isn’t at all difficult for me. I don’t usually curse (Unless I get frightened, stub my toe, or something bad happens in a competitive game of Mario Kart), and I throw around the word “inappropriate” for a decent amount of the shows you see on TV.

Sex isn’t something that I talk about very often, and although I am happy to speak to friends about it freely, it isn’t something I would typically like to touch on in my little corner of the internet. After logging onto SnapChat for the first time in months, though, I feel like I want to speak out to some of my younger readers. Heck, maybe some of my twentysomething readers will even be able to relate. I was certainly a late bloomer — I didn’t have my first real boyfriend until I was 19 — so if there are any other Krista’s out there, you are not alone.

I’ve been wary to write about sex for a few reasons. First, because just about everyone I know reads this blog — including relatives and people I haven’t spoken with in years. There are people who I would cringe if I knew they read this. The second reason is incredibly selfish, though. I’m afraid of being judged. I don’t want to lose my readers who disagree with me, and I also don’t want people to think that I believe it’s my way or the highway. I have friends and family from all walks of life, and I couldn’t be prouder and happier for each and every one of them, no matter how they’re choosing to go about dating. My Single in The Suburbs family has been one that I’ve grown to love and care about deeply, and I never want to hurt anyone by the words I choose to piece together for a post.

What I don’t want to do, though, is keep quiet about a subject that makes so many people feel so alone. I’ve had interesting life experiences that have left me feeling by myself on both sides of the spectrum. I think I understand each twentysomething’s heart, and I’ve felt broken enough that I want to be able to share my experiences to better other people’s lives.


Anyway, back to SnapChat… Most of you probably already know that there are a bunch of pre-followed accounts on your Snap homepage. Some of those include Cosmopolitan, Buzzfeed, Self, and Esquire, to name a few. More than half of the stories that are preloaded on my feed are about sex. Whether it’s something like, “The Drunken Hookups You’re Happy to Forget,” “Bringing Him Home, And Blowing His Mind,” or “how to” instructions, the articles all scream the same thing. Sex is meant to be casual, it’s everywhere you look, and there aren’t any consequences for your one night stand. The pictures to get you to go to the story take everything a step further. This once-PG-app now has women in Victoria’s Secret lingerie sitting on men’s laps or lying in bed with a sultry look on their face — and they’re just dying for you to click on them.

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The media does a beautiful job of making sex look glamorous, carefree, and casual without taking note of the consequences that it can bring. It wants you to think that sex is purely physical, and there aren’t emotional strings that get tied up when you get that intimate with someone.

Friends and Seinfeld are two popular TV shows* a lot of us grew up watching, and though they are pretty mild, they are incredibly casual about the romantic encounters that take place. Jerry has dozens of girlfriends throughout the series, many of which have encounters with him that are later recounted to friends. There is an episode called, “The Virgin,” where the friends all discuss what it must be like for Jerry to be dating someone pretty who he’s not sleeping with. Someone on Reddit decided to count how many people the main characters of the beloved Friends slept with, and the number reaches almost 140.

Then we have shows like Sex And The City, How I Met Your Mother, and even Gossip Girl for young teens. Everything we watch has a common theme: most of the characters are having a lot of casual sex.

“Okay Krista, I get it, we watch sex on television. So what? Why are you so bothered? They’re all consenting adults and it isn’t even real.” This is what I’m imagining many of my friends are screaming back at me. I understand that sex is a very real, everyday part of the world, and I do like television shows I feel like I can connect with. My question for Hollywood, though, is where are the real consequences of casual sex in the shows we consume? Rarely do you see a character on the big screen going to get tested for STDs or worrying about being pregnant, and having the result be a little plus sign that changes their life forever. What about the emotional attachment sex creates with someone? When you really think about it, sex is an incredibly special and interpersonal experience that could actually end up creating a human life. It’s something that I believe connects most people with their partner in a much deeper way anything else in this world.

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I recently heard about a reality television contestant I have always thought seemed cool getting a girl pregnant on a one night stand. He will remain nameless, but he was interviewed about his experience and told us that he was going to try to make things work with the mother so that his child could be raised in a home with a mother and father. Wouldn’t it be so much easier choosing a partner, then creating a baby, rather than the other way around? The thought of marriage and commitment scares a lot of twentysomethings — and rightfully so with the divorce rate pushing 50% in the United States — but raising a child is such a crazy feat that I can’t imagine doing it with a near stranger. Maybe it’s because of all my goofy first date experiences, but seeing just how few people make it to a second, then a third date makes potentially raising a child with one of them an incredibly terrifying thought.

Now, if I haven’t lost you yet, I’d like to leave you with this. What exactly is benefiting us by having such a heavily sex-saturated media? You’ve heard the phrase “Sex Sells” before. The media isn’t our friend, rather they are trying to make a living off of consumption. Sex is such an easy thing to sell, why not integrate it into their business model?

When I worked at Seventeen you would be shocked with some of the questions young girls sent in. The questions wondering about health and safety weren’t always answered, but the interesting ones sure were! Of course, this magazine is one of the “better” ones, since their goal audience is young women and their pledge is to help encourage and strengthen them. Magazines like Cosmopolitan take things a step further to boost sales and increase entertainment value. They don’t care about you as an individual. The media is out for themselves, and they prioritize sales above your health and wellbeing. Instead of putting your faith in the things you read online, find friends and family you trust to have open conversations about your love life.

So, I encourage you if you are young and feel alone in the world to know that not everyone out there is built for casual hookups, and you aren’t the only one who feels too emotionally connected to other human beings to have that as a healthy part of your life. I actually don’t think we’re the minority; I think we are just enormously underrepresented. This is why I decided to finally speak out on the matter, and I will continue to share my viewpoints so that others who feel like the minority will realize that sometimes people are just quiet about their choices if they aren’t what seem popular — you are absolutely not alone


*Friends and Seinfeld are two of my favorite shows on television, but I do cringe at the thought of youngsters watching them and shaping their brains to think that dozens of casual hookups are the norm.