Tag: giving

How To Fill A Love Tank

~ kristalauren ~ Leave a comment

The more I’ve loved, been loved, and felt broken, the more I’ve learned about the five different love languages and how important they really are. I’ve always known I’m an in-between and don’t have a primary LL, but over the years I’ve noticed that I need at least a pinch of each to make my love tank feel full. The more love that comes in and warms my heart, the more love I feel like I have to give away.

I need words of affirmation to feel like I mean something to other people. Whether it’s telling me that the words on this site matter or that my company is a joy, words of affirmation are currently tied for the lead of what I need coming into my heart. They’re also headlining what I strive to give every day. I’ve always been a big fan of pen and paper, and I write notes for even the newest of friends. I don’t think there will ever be a time in my life where I don’t write to those I love, and if there is, please come find me to make sure I’m okay.

At our wedding, I decided to write each and every one of my girl friends a letter telling them how much they mean to me and how happy I was they could share that day with me. It took hours of work to finish the pile of notes you see at the top of this picture, but every single one of the girls who came to support us means the world to me, and I wanted to remind them that. I wrote most of my notes well ahead of time — before I even knew what color I wanted our bridesmaid dresses to be, what vendor we’d use for flowers, or what flavor we wanted our cake to be. As with several other things I had imagined, I didn’t actually have the time to put these around at all the tables the day of the wedding, so I’m still slowly handing out the notes, but this was one of the top things I was excited about while planning our wedding.

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Photo Credit: Katie Nesbitt Photography

Physical touch has also been an important part of my life, and having a hand to hold or body to hug is really vital for my heart to feel cared for. It is tied as my most important love language right now. I don’t talk very much about my pain with even my closest friends and family, but I’ve felt like I’ve needed more hugs lately. Something about someone giving you a squeeze makes the world feel like it’s going to be alright, even when you feel like nobody could possibly understand how you feel. For just a moment I forget about anything that is hurting or bothering me and remember how much love I have in my life.

Gift giving used to be my top LL. Even as a kid I loved going to the store to buy presents for birthday parties, Christmas, and even small “just because” gifts with my allowance. I think I learned this language of love from my mom because she was so great at leaving little notes and stuffed animals on my pillow or under the covers for me to find when I crawled into bed at night. This practice carried on into college, which was where I reached far and wide to friends for birthdays and almost every single holiday in an attempt to make people around me feel special and cared for. I spent hours shopping for goody bags to make every Valentine’s Day because I wanted other people to love the holiday as much as I did, even if they were single like I often was. I bought chocolates, cards, nail polish, giant bags of pink and red confetti hearts, and topped the presents off with a mix CD made special for each friend. It’s funny to this day how many people tell me they remember my goofy little playlists. Gift giving is something I find really fun and I think most people feel pretty loved when they get a present that was chosen just for them. It isn’t about the thing, rather it’s the fact that someone spent the time and energy to think about you and do something about it that makes this LL special.

We have two more love languages left. Quality time, and acts of service.

Quality time will always be important to me, but I’ve learned just how necessary the beautiful, magical adjective “quality” is. Time, though a really valuable thing to give someone, is only special if it’s attentive and caring. Electronics make it worlds more difficult to get quality time, and a lot easier to give the excuse that you’ve filled this part of the tank in a friend, family member, or partner. I feel tired a lot and am guilty of plopping down on the couch, only to turn on a repeat episode of Friends or the newest Judge Judy case. Although that time can be spent bonding and laughing over the silliness that ensues, it only fills the “quality time tank” so much. The amount this fills for me lingers around the 15% line, because with a big black box in front of my face, there is only so much I am going to learn and connect with someone else.

Quality time is perhaps the most difficult of the love languages to manage because it does depend heavily on the activity and how present each person is with one another. To one — perhaps with physical touch as the highest of the love languages — snuggling up on the couch and catching a game might be something that really fills up their tank. To another person, however, with words of affirmation being important, talking has to be a larger part of the time spent together to actually be quality enough to fill the tank. Hallmark Christmas movies make me feel more connected to another person than anything else on television because I tend to talk through them and bond over how many errors the producers missed or storylines that don’t make sense.

Finally, acts of service. I tend to write about this love language last, because I understand it the least. This is arguably one of the most practical languages that I absolutely need, but it just doesn’t fill me up the way the other four do. It doesn’t give me a warm and fuzzy feeling or make my heart leap from my ribcage the way everything else seems to. I need this love language desperately, though, to keep my health maintained and feeling good. Mentally I notice all of the acts of service that are performed for me every day and I feel thankful for them, but they don’t offer the same powerful effect that a hug, love letter, or tasty dessert brought from my favorite bakery do. It registers to me that this is love, but it doesn’t fill my heart the way other languages do.

I encourage my friends and family to keep learning about their love languages, as well as their partner’s, family’s, and friends’. I talk about them so much on here because I truly believe knowing more about the five love languages is a fantastic base of any relationship, and they can drastically change how loved a person feels. It really is interesting how all of the languages work together and how much easier it is to love someone when you truly understand them. The most complicated thing about relationships is that none of us are the exact same, and we all need different things to make us feel content and secure at the end of the day. People are dynamic and what they need might change as they grow, so loving someone is a never-ending task. Love is the most worthwhile thing in the world, though, and means so much more when you’ve worked to make it more special.

Do you have any book suggestions for me to read? I’m always plugging The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman, so it would be great to hear what y’all enjoy too!

Authentic Love Isn’t Selfish

~ kristalauren ~ 1 Comment

We’re going to pick up where I left off in my Corinthians segment. I know I am really breaking this down, but I think there is just so much more than meets the eye that I don’t want to miss any of the beauty that is intended to teach us to love others more selflessly.

“[Love] does not envy, it does not boast. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking…”

Social media is the perfect breeding ground for the first two traits that do not exhibit love. Being envious of others online lives is super easy because all the content is curated. Whether it looks like a perfect love life like Channing and Jenna displayed on Instagram for millions to see or is an incredible collage of beautiful sunsets all around the world from a favorite travel blogger, it’s easy to wonder how other people have perfect lives while you are going through something difficult. It’s often through others boasting online that people can begin to channel feelings of jealousy and get a bad case of the green-eyed monster. I think it’s more important now than ever to learn how to cheer on each other throughout the good parts of life and lean on one another in the more difficult stages. That is the incredible part about social media that we can all choose to focus on. If we learn to count others’ victories as our own we will have so many things to be joyful for each and every day.

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Dishonoring others is such a wide range of things. With a friend or family member it could be talking about them behind their back, being unsupportive of a big life adjustment, or being cruel to someone for something they can’t control. With a romantic partner some examples would be thinking about being with someone other than your significant other, looking at pornography, yelling or talking down to them, or acting on inappropriate feelings. When you dishonor someone you love it is often one of the most obvious ways to hurt the relationship. It almost always goes hand in hand with destroying the bond and trust built, and depending on the severity might even end a relationship.

Self-seeking strangely enough includes a lot of the things under the “dishonoring others” umbrella. To truly love someone, you have to put aside some of your selfish desires and look to see what is in their best interest. I’ve dated people on both ends of the selfish and selfless spectrum and it’s incredible to see the difference in the quality of life with the two extremes. I do believe someone can love you even if they are completely selfish, but they aren’t showing love when in that state of mind, and that’s a really big part of any kind of relationship. There are givers in the world, takers, and the people who are “just right.” Although I think giving is a really beautiful thing, it is so important to still take care of your own dreams and not give every single part of yourself away to someone else. I am definitely someone who gives until I become empty if someone is willing to keep taking and had to learn the hard way how damaging that is. When a giver latches onto a taker they become drained and depressed. Living completely for someone else isn’t healthy or normal. Living with someone and chasing after both of your dreams together is one of the most beautiful gifts God has given mankind, though. There’s a big difference between chasing dreams together and choosing to be partners in crime and being someone’s glorified sidekick.

That being said, if you are a giver it’s wonderful you can use your heart to make someone else’s life more bright and beautiful, but make sure to keep your own dreams alive and be with someone who gives back. I think givers should actually be with other givers — or the people who are “just right” in the middle. This offers a great way to monitor how equal a partnership is, and makes the giver sometimes receive too. If you feel like you haven’t given in awhile and might naturally be a taker, it doesn’t mean you’re a bad person by any means — it just means you have to make a more conscious effort to give in whatever love language your partner enjoys receiving (Which may be different than the kind of love you enjoy!). Lastly, if you feel you’re a giver and often become exhausted, I’d like to challenge you to ask someone you care about for something. Whether it’s an act of service like driving you to a doctor’s appointment (This is my go-to example since it’s just like, my life right now) or for a small gift like a coffee delivery, I think it’s important to be able to ask for what you want in life. Selfishness is definitely something that just makes us human and we have to work to find a good balance of give and take in our relationships. Notice how many times I’ve used the word “work” in my posts all about love lately?

We’ve talked about four different things that categorize love so far: patience, kindness, selflessness, and honoring others. Later this week we are going to touch on anger and forgiveness. Thanks for hanging around with me through this short little series! I am currently working on a different post that is close to my heart, but that also makes me feel nervous. I will gather up some nerve and share that with y’all next week. Stay tuned. ❤

Do You Believe In Magic?

~ kristalauren ~ 12 Comments

Something about the Christmas season is just so beautiful. It’s a time for love, joy, patience, and family.

The past few years I haven’t been in the Christmas spirit as much. It’s always been tied with Valentine’s Day for my favorite holiday, but I think I just Christmassed myself out after years of starting to listen to the tunes the day after Halloween and jumping into the season a little too early. I always love spending the day with my family, but leading up to it just hasn’t been as thrilling as it usually is for a few years. My family and I have little traditions I’ve looked forward to — like driving around our neighborhood and looking at lights and going to the Japanese steakhouse for hibachi on Christmas Eve — but I haven’t been going nuts about the holiday for more than a month in advance like I usually would.

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This year I’m really excited about all the beauty Christmas has to offer. I’m excited to see all the beautiful lights and decorations, I’ve found some Christmas albums I’m not tired of, and I want to do lots of little acts of kindness this season.

I started my shopping early this year and have already found gifts for several of my friends and family. We are going to New York City soon, and I am just dying to go to Rockefeller Center to see the Christmas tree and ice arena. I haven’t ever been to the Top of the Rock, but I hear the views are spectacular, and arguably the best in Manhattan. I want to go to Macy’s to see the Christmas displays in the windows, and I want to visit the new cafe to see what it’s really like having Breakfast at Tiffany’s.

This season I want to build gingerbread houses, bake cookies for people who have touched my life in one way or another, and drive around looking at lights at least twice a week. I am going to drink lots of peppermint hot chocolate, sit in front of the fire with cozy wool socks and my puppy, and watch as many Hallmark Christmas movies as I can handle. I feel like my list is getting incredibly ambitious, but I think we need to celebrate the things that make us excited in this life. Christmas is a time of the year we can really feel the magic of other people, and despite hating the cold, I always have a warm heart this time of year.

What makes you the most excited about the season? What are more fun things I can add to my list? What should I do to give more this holiday? I would love to hear some ideas in the comments!

Acts Of Service

~ kristalauren ~ 5 Comments

Acts of service is one of the more difficult Love Languages for me to write about, as it’s the lowest on my list. This is interesting, though, because I speculate that a lot of people who are incredibly close to me have this as one of their top LL’s. Ever since I realized this I’ve tried to be really cognizant about the things other people do for me, as well as amp up my acts of service in their lives, too.

Did you know that sometimes when you speak the wrong love language to someone that they don’t necessarily register it as being something coming from the heart? I learned this when I began to realize that one of my favorite ways to show love — through little gifts and letters — wasn’t necessarily what was making everyone in my life feel loved. After paying closer attention to what others need I have tweaked the way I love, which in turn has changed my heart to receive all 5 love languages a little better. I used to brush off acts of service as things people felt they had to do for me, but now I take note of even the smallest actions people do from their heart.

One act of service Robert thanked me for today was getting up early to take Jax outside and keep him in the living room to let him sleep in. I actually didn’t think Robert would have even really noticed, but it made my heart warm this morning just knowing he would get the rest he’s needed.

Ideas to implement this LL:

  • Run an errand for your loved one.
  • Play chauffeur and drive your loved one somewhere they need to be, but can’t get to on their own. Lots of my friends and family do this for me often, as I can’t drive much longer than 10-15 minutes at a time, so I’m very familiar with this act of service.
  • Do some of the chores your significant other hates so (s)he doesn’t have to. This is difficult because fine motor skills (ie: loading and unloading the dishwasher) can add to the pain in my arms, and so my parents have taken a bigger burden with chores in the house. I’m so thankful and try to help out in other ways, since I’m currently trying to work to get stronger so that I will hopefully be able to serve others with this again one day.
  • Fill up their car with gas. This is such a tiny act of service, but it’s one I’ve grown to really appreciate. I can’t pump gas with my arm pain, but even before I got sick my dad always tried to fill up the girls’ tanks to keep our cars in tip top running shape.
  • Cook them a meal. I know I mentioned cooking in the “gift giving” Love Language, but it can also be categorized as an act of service. This is a great way to show someone you care about them and want to spend time with them. Even sending a packed lunch to work is a really sweet gesture.
  • Don’t complain when someone asks you to do them a favor. I cannot emphasize this enough, as I have had to swallow my pride the past 4 years and learn to ask for help. I already have a really hard time asking for the things I need, but it’s really made it harder when someone tells me how difficult the favor was to do. For the most part everyone has been so incredible about pitching in, though, and I remember so many of the sweet things people have done to help make things a little easier on me. I couldn’t feel more grateful, and I hope to be able to love with some of the acts of service that are hard on me in the future.

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Acts of service can be difficult to spot, and easy to take for granted. People who love this way, though, will show it in everyday life. Whether it’s doing home improvement projects, cooking a meal, or simply doing the laundry, acts of service are often the little pieces of love woven into the little pieces of your day. They are often even combined with other Love Languages, such as physical touch through a massage, or gift giving with a homecooked meal. What kind of acts of service do you notice in your life?

Money Can’t Buy Love

~ kristalauren ~ 9 Comments

But it sure can show love!

The first Love Language I want to touch on is “gift giving” because although it seems incredibly simple and is arguably the “easiest” of the five, anyone with this as a top LL will tell you otherwise. It’s not at all materialistic or about the amount of money you spend. Gift giving as a love language is never about money; it’s all about the time you put into thinking about your partner for picking out something you know they’ll love.

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I would definitely argue that nurture plays a large role in developing your Love Language as an adult. Ever since I was teeny tiny my mom has always loved surprising me with little goodies and treats. When I was a kid I would sometimes crawl into bed at night and feel something fuzzy against my feet. I peeled back the covers to find a little stuffed animal with a note attached, telling me that I was special and incredibly loved.

When I reached high school she still loved me this way and often left little cookies and notes scattered in the kitchen for me to find when I got home from cross country practice. I still have some of those cards to this day, and I have a really hard time throwing away letters because they are one of the most special things to me.

Even at 26 I will sometimes come home to find a little tube of lipstick or another fun cruelty-free beauty item on my bed. It makes my day every time, and the notes always give me a smile and my heart joy, too. Just knowing someone is thinking about you when you are away is a really special feeling.

Since I feel well-versed in gift giving, I wanted to come up with a little list to help people who might not be fluent in this love language yet. Just because one of the LL’s isn’t important to you, doesn’t mean it isn’t to your partner! It’s great taking this quiz and knowing your significant other’s results, as it can be hard to use LL’s that feel foreign to you. Working on speaking your partner’s language, though, can be a really rewarding task. I highly recommend reading the 5 Love Languages book if you haven’t! It teaches how to love on a whole new level.

Ideas for Guys to implement this LL:

  • Flowers. This is the answer to so many of life’s relationship problems. If you get in a fight flowers are great to say you’re sorry, but they’re also amazing for anniversaries, birthdays, sick days, and even “just because.” When gift giving was my top love language I used to always say that someone could go outside and pick me a bouquet of dandelion weeds and I would still find the gesture incredibly sweet. As I said before, it’s not the price sticker on the bouquet that we find so charming, rather it’s the sentiment that goes behind the gift that really matters.
  • Bring her favorite dessert home. This is one of the most underrated things, but I’m going to give my mom props in this post for always bringing me a new dark chocolate bar to try. She keeps my “chocolate drawer” (Yes, this is a thing in my household) stocked with my favorite Trader Joe’s 73% dark chocolate, and often brings home little treats from trips to the grocery store or when she goes to the neighboring town that holds the best gluten-free cupcakes around. The chocolate is great, and it always makes my heart so happy that she thinks of me even when I’m not around.
  • As a special treat girls love jewelry, but we know it’s expensive. Robert happens to be the best guy I’ve ever known about picking out beautiful jewelry. I’m always wearing something that he gave me, and it makes me smile and think of him when he’s not around. When we first started dating I wondered if this was Robert’s LL, as he always seemed to have a new little present for me. Two favorite stories come to mind with Robert. First, was a journal he bought and gave to me on our fourth date. It was a really beautiful leather journal — the kind I had always dreamed about getting, but could never justify buying for myself. I wrote in it the entire time he was deployed, and I just recently finished the last page. The second was actually a really goofy gift. I told Robert about someone calling me a mean name on my blog when I first started writing it, so he got me a book called, “Insults And Comebacks: Lines for All Occasions,” and told me to flip through it the next time someone got nasty with me. I’ve never actually used it for that purpose, but it made me laugh and cheered me up — and prepared me for the very few nasty comments I got during the Tom Brady YouTube video going around (Listen, I’m sorry I don’t watch football and had no idea I was “interrupting playoff season — I was just trying to do something nice for someone I love!). I still keep this book on my desk as a reminder that I am loved by the people who truly know my heart, and to write about things that scare me, even if I know everyone won’t be a fan. I’m still working on that.
  • Leave a sweet note on her pillow. This melts any girl’s heart, and whether she goes to sleep before or after you, it’s great to fall asleep with a smile on your face or wake up to a bright “good morning” from a loved one.
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My dad recently got my mom the most beautiful bouquet of red roses for their 30th anniversary. This made my heart so happy, especially when I heard that he actually went into DC to find the best florist around, and asked for a specially made bouquet.


Ideas for Girls to implement this LL:

Since I feel very familiar with gift giving as one of my love languages, I’m going to use all personal examples. Please feel free to sound off other ideas in the comments! I am always looking for new ways to love, and would appreciate your tips.

  • “The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.” There is a reason this is such a popular idiom that is thrown around — because it’s so true! I am going to make a massive generalization and say that 95% of men love to eat. Bringing him his favorite dinner, surprising him with a treat, or packing a Snickers or Almond Joy (Yuck! That’s Robert’s favorite and I always feel funny buying it; I wish we were friends when we were younger, as he would have been the best person to trade candy with after a giant Halloween haul… “Here, I’ll trade you all my Almond Joys for your Peanut M&Ms and Junior Mints!”) in his lunch is a fantastically simple way to show him he’s on your mind. Add a note for extra sweetness!
  • Guys are so darn hard to shop for — at least the men in my life are — because they seem to buy the things they want. Pay close attention to what might be old or worn. I gave Robert a gift from Tom Brady and the Patriots on his 30th birthday this year (Oh gosh, I need to tell this story soon! I can’t believe I keep forgetting), but it was so darn hard to figure out what I wanted to buy him this year. I treated him to dinner and gave him a present 4 months late because no matter where I looked, I couldn’t find anything that screamed “Robert” to me. I ended up realizing the answer was right in front of me when he pulled out his worn leather wallet to pay for a toll to Boston. In that moment I smiled widely and decided that I needed to get him a nice new leather wallet. Not only would he think of me because he would see it every day, but he deserved to have nice things that were used as often as a wallet. I think this is hilariously enough one of the proudest presents I have purchased, as it took me such a long time to come up with it.
  • An experience can be a great gift to give a guy who is difficult to shop for. Whether it’s tickets to a football game or concert or an impromptu date night, he’ll be excited that you took the time to come up for a special day just for him. This is a great gift for guys who really value quality time as another love language.
  • Jerseys, event tickets, and video games are all nice presents, but they can be expensive to do on a really regular basis. Instead of getting frustrated and giving up, get creative and make little surprises that he’ll love. Whether you go back to my #1 tip about food and decide to bake his favorite food or put together a nice picture frame for his room, you can always get creative with your presents.

For girls and guys:

Let’s mix 2 love languages and add a pinch of “Words of Affirmation” to gift giving. Cards and letters are incredible everyday gifts, as they hold a little piece of someone’s heart inside. I have an enormous box next to my bed that holds some of the most special letters I’ve received from friends, family, and Robert. I call this box my “happy box,” and will sit on the floor and read a handful when I’m feeling lost, sad, or just want to smile a little before bed. Several of the letters have become worn from use, but they are some of my most prized possessions. Each card couldn’t have cost more than $5, but the words painted on the page are what really hold value for me. This is the perfect example of gift giving not being about the money spent, rather the thought put into the gift that really matters.

Lastly, pay attention to the things your significant other loves. This is the easiest way to choose a gift, whether it’s a food or drink or a gift from their favorite store. People who have gift giving as a primary love language don’t care so much about the item you give to them as they do about the thought you put into the present. Instead of spending a lot of money on something just for the heck of it, feel free to choose several small tokens of love to spread out through the month. Giving to your loved ones won’t just make them happy, but I find that giving the perfect present makes my heart even more joyful than receiving things.

This is my first post about The Five Love Languages cheat sheet. Come back tomorrow for tips on using another LL. 🙂

The 5 Love Languages For Dummies

~ kristalauren ~ 3 Comments

If you’ve followed this blog even just a little bit you’ll know I really value the 5 different love languages. I think they can be a game-changer in any relationship — romantic or otherwise — and if you know how to use them correctly they can make the world a much brighter place. Loving someone in a way that speaks to them will make your heart warm and fuzzy, and helps people you care about feel like they are important to you.

I know that every love language doesn’t come easily to each person. My heart has always been one that feels strongly, and I’ve found as I’ve gotten older that every love language is really important to me. I feel fluent in all five, and I wanted to share some fun little ideas of different ways to love someone using their love language. This week I am going to be focusing on the 5 different love languages. Please feel free to comment other ideas that my readers can use for each love language, and take a minute to discover what your own love language is by taking this quiz.

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The last time I took it my top love language was quality time, followed closely by physical touch. My love language score is really interesting because instead of heavily leaning on one thing, I seem to really enjoy a nice balance of all five love languages. I didn’t have a hard time choosing between the options for the quiz, yet I still had very balanced results.

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This is kind of crazy because my entire life has had “gift giving” towards the top — and it’s still one of my favorite ways to show people I love them — but ever since Robert and I started dating things have shifted a lot. Don’t get me wrong, I still love little presents and surprises and really cherish every little thing he gives to me, but I am kind of floored that other ways to love have taken precedence over that. My favorite thing in the world is spending time with him, and if you can add holding hands and a few of the other love languages into a date with him that’s my little taste of heaven.

My heart feels warm and fuzzy when any of these languages are spoken to me, so I’m stoked to write about each of the different LLs this week. Stay tuned, and I would love to hear about what makes you feel loved in the comments!

Break Up With Him

~ kristalauren ~ 13 Comments

I stayed in a relationship that wasn’t meant to be far too long. Deep down I think I somehow knew it wasn’t going to end well — or rather, if we did end up together that we would have a long, rough road ahead of us.

After the smoke cleared I realized that although any relationship will have trials, every single decision doesn’t have to be difficult. Now I am with someone who thinks I’m worth making sacrifices for, and someone who is really excited about having a future with me. I have learned that there are people in this world who are beautifully selfless and know how to love someone with a chronic illness. There are people who are as fiercely loyal as I am, and who won’t give up on a relationship just because things get tough.

Here are a few behaviors that are major red flags in a relationship:

  1. Your significant other puts you down for things you can’t control. In my case this was my illness and the fact that I couldn’t physically work. I was a recent college graduate when I first got sick and had dreams of being an entertainment journalist. I had always been incredibly hard-working, but although I wanted more than anything to work, I physically could not have a normal job with my new chronic health condition. I was constantly told about how it “wasn’t my fault,” but that POTS was the thing keeping us in a rut. If I hadn’t gotten sick, we would be in a much happier place because there wouldn’t have to work through such a new, heavy road block.
  2. Your concerns are always your problem. When someone treats you like you’re crazy because of seemingly normal concerns, it is called “gaslighting.” It’s funny how I never knew what this term was until a few months ago, but if your significant other acts like you wanting some of his time every week is your problem and that you are being needy, this is not normal. Your puppet master will surely turn any conflict in the relationship back on your own insecurities until you really begin questioning whether what you are asking for really is too much (Take note: if what you want seems like a very basic need in a relationship, such as quality time together, it absolutely normal. You are not crazy, and you should get out as fast as you can so that you can find someone who understands the basic fundamentals of a healthy relationship).

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  3. Your well-being is completely your own responsibility. This is a tricky one. Although I do believe people need to be happy by themselves before they can add someone else into the picture, I also believe a significant other should want to take care of you, as you would do the same for them. I’ve always been very independent and balanced my boyfriend/friend time well, but my one of my exes thought that his actions shouldn’t affect the way I felt. He didn’t understand why drunk texting me then disappearing for the night made me upset, and said that the anxiety I felt was entirely on me.
  4. He is not a man of his word. No, it is not okay to leave you hanging for hours on end, and it is not okay to constantly break plans you have together. Yes, things sometimes come up in life that you cannot control, but if you feel like you cannot get excited about future plans with someone because they are unreliable, it’s time to find a person who will remember what they tell you and follow through in their actions.
  5. You no longer recognize yourself when you’re with him. My ex made me anxious, pessimistic, depressed, and short-tempered. None of these are typical “Krista qualities,” and I didn’t like the person I was when we were together. The first 75% of our relationship I was myself. When he decided to change the course of his life drastically,though, and leave our relationship in the background of his life, I became a complete mess. I hadn’t realized how dependent on him I had become and quickly fell apart.

Today’s lesson: Now I am with someone who is kind, patient, and wants to take care of my heart. My boyfriend wants to spend time with me, take me out, give me little gifts “just because,” and remind me that I’m special. If you let go of what is hurting you in life, you make room for new things that are better. It’s really, really scary to let go of something that is familiar and comfortable, but if you are brave enough to, you might just learn how strong you really are.

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Slow And Steady

~ kristalauren ~ 8 Comments

I know I mentioned forever ago that I’ll be changing my blog around a lot, but it’s pretty difficult since I have arm problems and can’t sit at my computer very long without having issues. I am still working on getting a new domain, editing the layout, etc. with the help of friends and family, but it’ll be a little while. I am excited to share a lot of new experiences, products, and feelings with y’all!

Now that the dust has settled a little with Robert being back home I will be posting as regularly as I can again. If you haven’t yet, subscribe to get email updates! You get exclusive typos, grammatical mistakes, and sometimes even deleted posts when you get emails of my rough drafts. Somehow I enjoy editing things more once they’ve been published to my site.

Currently I am working on sending out a million Valentines. February is my favorite month because I absolutely love everything about Valentine’s Day. Whether or not I’m single I love seeing other people in love, I love showering my friends and family with gifts and words of affirmation, and I love pink hearts.

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These are just a few of the cards I got to mail this year.

In the next few weeks I’m going to be talking a little about the cruelty-free makeup I’ve found (I keep waiting for my voice to get better to make a YouTube video, but I swear this winter has been the death of me!), sharing a few of my favorite products and suggestions for Valentine’s Day presents, updating y’all about what the Patriots did for Robert, and finally, telling you what it was like being very mildly cyberbullied.

One of my favorite character traits is kindness. I’d say my word of 2017 is KIND, but this is actually a word I want to apply to the rest of my life. If nothing else, I would love for people to remember me for being not only “nice,” but kind to everyone I meet. I will be talking a lot about this in the coming weeks, and I hope we can together make the world — including the Internet — a happier and more beautiful place.

Our Story

~ kristalauren ~ 6 Comments

So if you follow me on any of my social media you might have seen what I’m working on for Robert right now. I’m going to be sharing it a lot because I really, really want to make this happen. It’s the absolute best present I could ever think of giving him, so I am going to be working for the next two weeks to make it happen. Fingers crossed something comes of it, but we shall see!

If you’ve been reading this blog from the beginning you probably know my story and actually followed along as I fell for Robert. If you’re new to SITS or don’t read all of my writing, though, I’d love to share a little bit of our story with you!

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Robert and I met on OKCupid. I was fairly recently single so I was not interested in a relationship in the least. After talking for over a month we finally were able to meet up (My schedule was packed with friends and quite a few other first dates so it always took awhile for a guy to get squeezed into my life). I definitely ended up having a little crush by the time we were done with our first dinner, but my head told me I couldn’t fall too hard. After all, my blog had just really picked up and I needed time to date around.

Plus Robert had just decided to delete all of his dating apps and stop dating altogether until he came back from the deployment he was preparing for. I did not want to give my heart to someone who would make me be in a long distance relationship again. Not like one date would turn into anything, though, so I might as well give him a chance… Or so I thought!

One date turned to two, which turned to twenty and thirty. By our third date Robert was living three and a half hours away where he was training for his mission, but saw something special in our connection, so drove back to my hometown every single weekend to see me and go out on one date. Talk about going the extra mile(s)!

I was guarded with him. I told him that I wasn’t looking for anything serious, but that I thought he was a great person and I would surely keep in touch while he was overseas. After all, I love little acts of kindness and the great impact they can make, so I figured sending a soldier occasional care packages would be kind of fun anyway. The troops do so much for others that I always love giving back when I get the chance.

Anyway, as you can see things didn’t work out the way I thought they would. Spending several months still “single,” I dated around but always gravitated back to Robert. He is one of the kindest, most thoughtful people I know and has an amazing sense of humor. I really do think we were meant to meet when we did; the timing really couldn’t have been any closer to perfect. If I had waited just one more week to join OKC he would have been gone, and if I had said “No” to a first date with him just because he was going to be deployed I wouldn’t be in the best relationship of my life to date.

This is the first part of our story. I’ll be sharing more as the week goes on, but…

In the meantime, please give my video a watch, and SHARE with as many people as you possibly can! I’m trying to get some sort of attention to make this “welcome home” gift a reality. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!