As unromantic as it sounds, finding your forever and always person is all about giving people chances and dating, dating, dating. One piece of important advice I give to all of my friends is that dating is a numbers game. The more people you go out with, the more people you won’t hit it off with, but the greater chance you have to find the person who is right for you.
Some common complaints I hear about dating are:
- “Online dating doesn’t work for me. I’ve been on two Match dates and they were both nightmares!” Well, maybe that just isn’t the right site for you, but honestly about 1 in 8 dates are going to likely be duds that won’t even turn into a second date. Sometimes you’ll have more bad dates, sometimes you’ll have a few good ones in a row. Giving up after only a few chances, though, isn’t going to be the attitude that helps you to meet someone great.
- “I don’t want to tell people we met online. I want our story to be better than just meeting on a dating app!” I don’t get this. At all. Who cares how you meet someone amazing, as long as you do? When Robert and I tell people how we met we start off by saying that we met online, but then we immediately jump into our first date story about how he almost stood me up, then how when we did actually meet that I was more interested in petting a cute dog I found outside the restaurant than greeting him. I love our story so much, and we have so many fun moments to sprinkle into it that “OK Cupid” is only a sentence in the story of how we met.
- “There isn’t anyone cute near me. Guys here are lame.” Unless you live in a teeny tiny area, this is an enormous statement for the entirety of the young adult population where you live. First, pictures can be deceiving. I have a few friends who I absolutely know would make great matches, but they’re unwilling to even give someone a chance because of a few Facebook photos. Sometimes attraction can’t be felt over a computer screen, and although I think it’s an incredibly important component of a great romantic relationship, I think giving someone a chance — even just a 1 hour date — could be a game-changer for you. If a friend wants to set you up, give their match a try! After all, there’s a reason you came to mind when they decided to pair you with your date. The very worst-case scenario is that you wasted an hour or two of your entire life on someone you’re never going to see again. Then, if the same friend tries to set you up again you can politely decline if it was really that bad. Having an open mind can be such a great asset to the dating world.
- “I don’t want to do the casual dating thing; I want an exclusive relationship!” Okay. 99% of the time that’s not going to work. Unless you turn a friendship into a relationship, odds are you’re not just going to meet Mr. Right on the street and realize that the two of you are perfect for each other. You have to be casual at some point in your relationship; you aren’t supposed to know right off the bat whether someone is going to be your new significant other. Sometimes people will tell you that they knew right after meeting someone that they were going to marry them, but that’s a rare miracle in the dating world. You typically become more drawn to someone as you get to know more about their heart and values, and it takes time to really get to the nitty gritty of someone’s true personality. I totally know that dating around is exhausting and can be a chore, but you rarely get beautiful things in life without working hard for them.
Today’s Lesson: Your dating motto for 2018 should be, “It’s just a date.” Stop overthinking dating and start taking chances on things that scare you, and open up your mind to the possibilities around you. I strongly believe there is more harm to being close-minded than being too picky with who you choose to spend your dates on. Be careful, and be smart, but open up your dating pool to some people you might not typically go out with. Then, watch how your dating life transforms through the lessons people teach you and as others begin to open their hearts up to you.
The second Love Language I want to talk about is “Words of Affirmation.” I was really surprised to find that it is now #3 on my LL list, with a pretty big score of “6.” It seems very self-explanatory, but I wanted to share how you can use this LL to enhance your relationship and show your partner love. Words of affirmation are perhaps the easiest to do, as it only takes a matter of seconds to write out a tiny text about how much you love your significant other — and it can be done from halfway around the world, too!
Ideas to implement this LL:
- Say “I love you” often. I don’t think these three little words can be overused if you’re with the right person.
- Telling someone they are handsome or beautiful is important in a romantic relationship, but it’s also important to remember words like “kind,” “thoughtful,” “funny,” and “smart.” Do you guys remember the scene in He’s Just Not That Into You when Scarlett Johansson (Anna) and Kevin Connolly (Conor) play the game with 4 different categories: smart, sexy, funny, and cute, and have to choose 2 for each. Conor mistakenly chooses “sexy and cute,” to which Anna replies with, “Nobody wants to be all in one column!” People like to know that you find them attractive in more ways than one, which is why we shouldn’t neglect the looks or personality column when giving words of affirmation.
- Remind your significant other that you are there for them, even when things are hard. Especially when things are hard. Something I’ve always told my best friends, family members, and significant other is that we only have to take turns being strong. As long as one of us can offer a shoulder to lean on, the other can try to get back on their feet. Some days I’ll feel sick and weak and need extra help getting through the day, and others my significant other might need a boost. As long as we’re in this life together and offer each other love and support, we can get through anything.
- Write your bae lots and lots of love letters. Letters are amazing because even when you’re away you are able to leave a little piece of your heart with someone. If you asked me what my 5 most cherished possessions were, my box full of letters would be on the list — along with Robert’s dog tags and jewelry he has given me, Paws — the stuffed dog I’ve had since I was a baby, my journals, and pictures of my friends and family. I have an entire box dedicated to the deployment, which holds memories from before Robert left, a stuffed bear he won me, and all the letters he’s ever given me. Letters are a great way to remember feelings at different times in your life, which is why I like them so much. I try to write my loved ones enough letters to keep a little “diary” of our different stages in life, and anyone who knows me will tell you I am terrible for the environment because of how much I write.
- Going off of my last point, I think snail mail is a great way to send your partner words of affirmation. Whether they live 700 miles or 7 minutes from your house, getting a handwritten note in the middle of your day is sure to make it a lot brighter. Don’t forget to write more than just a “to,” and “love,” though. People who cherish words of affirmation tend to look less at what Hallmark has to say and more about what you have to say to them.
- A text or little post-it note is also a fantastic way to use words to show love. Any of my old roommates will tell you I’m obsessed with the post-its, and I think most of them have taken that habit with them to new friends and roommates.
- Write a song or poem about how you feel. These are gifts your partner will treasure in their heart forever.
- Words of affirmation are great for special occasions, but life is so short that I believe you shouldn’t save important things like words for a special date. Use them every day, and watch how your relationship grows and blossoms with other love languages following the words of affirmation.
Words of affirmation are great to compliment any love language. Attaching a note to a gift, saying “I love you” after a kiss, expressing how much you loved a date, and writing a little thank you letter after your partner did something kind are all fantastic ways to use words of affirmation in everyday life.
What do you think about words of affirmation? How else could you tell someone you love them?
Come back tomorrow for tips on using another LL. 🙂
If you’ve followed this blog even just a little bit you’ll know I really value the 5 different love languages. I think they can be a game-changer in any relationship — romantic or otherwise — and if you know how to use them correctly they can make the world a much brighter place. Loving someone in a way that speaks to them will make your heart warm and fuzzy, and helps people you care about feel like they are important to you.
I know that every love language doesn’t come easily to each person. My heart has always been one that feels strongly, and I’ve found as I’ve gotten older that every love language is really important to me. I feel fluent in all five, and I wanted to share some fun little ideas of different ways to love someone using their love language. This week I am going to be focusing on the 5 different love languages. Please feel free to comment other ideas that my readers can use for each love language, and take a minute to discover what your own love language is by taking this quiz.
The last time I took it my top love language was quality time, followed closely by physical touch. My love language score is really interesting because instead of heavily leaning on one thing, I seem to really enjoy a nice balance of all five love languages. I didn’t have a hard time choosing between the options for the quiz, yet I still had very balanced results.
This is kind of crazy because my entire life has had “gift giving” towards the top — and it’s still one of my favorite ways to show people I love them — but ever since Robert and I started dating things have shifted a lot. Don’t get me wrong, I still love little presents and surprises and really cherish every little thing he gives to me, but I am kind of floored that other ways to love have taken precedence over that. My favorite thing in the world is spending time with him, and if you can add holding hands and a few of the other love languages into a date with him that’s my little taste of heaven.
My heart feels warm and fuzzy when any of these languages are spoken to me, so I’m stoked to write about each of the different LLs this week. Stay tuned, and I would love to hear about what makes you feel loved in the comments!