“Don’t Settle” Isn’t Always Good Advice

I think something we’ve all heard from our friends and family is don’t settle for a mediocre relationship. Some of us have friends who haven’t really been in a relationship before because they haven’t found anyone worth spending time on dating. I was that girl for close to two decades. Granted, I don’t think the first thirteen years of life are typically reserved for dating, but you get it — I was definitely a late bloomer.

Today I’d like to play the devil’s advocate, though, and pose a different argument.

Could you possibly be too picky in the dating world?

I am a firm believer in not dating someone who clearly goes against one of your deal breakers. I am also a firm believer in only having a few of those, though. Things that you absolutely cannot live with — or without — constitute as deal breakers. Religion, priorities, lifestyles, and location are all things that are very real deal breakers.

I have seen some really amazing people pass over potential dates for really superficial or minuscule traits. Whether it’s a hairstyle and something about a person’s looks, or an unrelatable hobby, I see great people get ditched for small differences all the time. I’m a huge advocate for the “it’s just a date” philosophy, and I think you are far more likely to miss out on a wonderful person by being incredibly strict with your dating criteria, rather than being open to going on a few potentially bad dates.

The reality of the world is that you are never going to find someone who is absolutely perfect. Every single person on this earth is going to be different than you in one way or another, and if you say “no” to everyone who has some sort of quirk, you’re never going to find anyone who is exactly the same as you are. To be honest, if I met myself I think I’d be bugged by plenty of things. I am chronically late (but working on it!), I can be high-maintenance — especially with my medical needs — I need words of affirmation to feel like my work is valid, and I have a fairly sensitive heart with the people I love most. When you can overlook my flaws, though, I have a good heart. I am patient, I love deeply, I know how to put someone else’s needs above my own, and I try to be there for anyone who needs a friend. My purpose feels like it is to make others feel less alone in the world,  which is why I write so often about my honest thoughts and feelings.

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I want to encourage you to look at your deal breakers and reevaluate what you find is important in a relationship. If you swipe left on people for their fashion sense or because they seem to have one or two different interests, I challenge you to change your ways for just one month. Give guys you ordinarily wouldn’t a chance, and go on a few dates with people who aren’t quite “your type,” and just treat dating as a fun little activity with no pressure to find Mr. Right. There’s a reason people so often say they met their significant other when they weren’t looking — it’s so much easier to date when you don’t feel pressured to find your perfect match. Your heart becomes open to finding beautiful love when you don’t have your guard so high up and when you can just relax, be yourself, and have fun.


If you decide to start dating around, please let me know how it goes! I love hearing all of your stories. 

Texting Templates

Ask Krista


I swear I should have a job replying to people’s romantic interest’s texts. I love that my friends trust me with something as important as using words for communication, and I have become a pro to texting guys back. Today I decided to write about some of the most common kinds of messages my friends need help replying to and how I would answer them.


What do you text a guy after he tells you he had a nice time on a date and asks when he can take you out again, but you aren’t into him?

It’s important to be respectful but honest about your feelings so he can move on. Something simple like,

“Yeah, thanks so much for dinner, Steve, it was great meeting you. I actually don’t think things are going to work out for us, but good luck and I know there’s a great girl out there for ya!”

is perfect because it’s gracious, yet firm. If you try to be too nice you aren’t doing your date any favors because he might keep reading into your words and wondering whether he still has a chance with you. By saying something like, “Take care!” or, “Things aren’t going to work out with us,” you are making it crystal clear that he should move on and find someone more compatible.

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How should I reply if someone I met online wants to pick me up for a first date? I don’t feel comfortable riding in the car with a stranger.

Um, that’s because you’re smart! There are very few things that haven’t changed in your life since you were five, but the stranger danger factor still remains in place for a reason. I was always very jokey in my texts back to guys, so I would always say something like,

“Sorry, but I don’t know that you’re not a serial killer yet. Meet there at six?”

Any rendition of this is great, but hold your ground and don’t hop in the car with someone you can’t trust. I found out recently that one of my mom’s friends was hitchhiking when she was young and got in the car with Ted Bundy! She realized he was a dangerous guy when they stopped at a gas station and she saw a giant knife and rope under the backseat, but she didn’t know exactly who he was until she saw his face on the news later that week. YIKES! 


I had such a great time on a date, but the guy isn’t asking me out again! I’m tired of making smalltalk, and I don’t want to have another virtual pen pal. 

That makes complete sense. To find what you’re looking for when it comes to a relationship in online dating, you have to be quick to decide whether someone is looking for the same things as you. Dating can become exhausting really quickly, as there are so many different options and a lot of people who aren’t ready for a relationship or even to casually date on apps. If you went on a date with someone and aren’t getting asked to go on another but he keeps messaging you mindlessly, move on to the next person. If he realizes he wants to see you again when the texting thread dies off, great! You can make a decision on whether or not you want a second date then. In the meantime, there are so many other people who will be straightforward with their feelings and ask you out in a timely manner after your first date. Look for people like that who will be trusty and reliable.


What do you tell a guy who says something disrespectful to you?
Absolutely NOTHING. Block and delete that sucker! He doesn’t deserve your time or energy, and silence speaks volumes. You don’t need a clever response and it’s not your job to put him into his place — it’s your job to leave him and find someone who will treat you right. 


What do you think of my texts? Guys, how would you feel being on the receiving end of these messages? Girls, what would you do instead? Sound off in the comments!

Hooking Up Is Easy

Dating is easy, hooking up is easier.

In a world that finds sex before it looks for love, we find ourselves settling for mediocracy. I can’t tell you how many young women I have spoken to who feel broken and confused from the dating world. They have tried desperately to find “the one,” but keep getting chewed up and spit out by the vicious cycle that is the hookup culture.

Neither men nor women are solely to blame for what dating has become. We have both played an integral role in shaping this new reality. If you want to have sex, you can download an app. Maybe the first few matches won’t oblige, but there are endless possibilities of people who are looking for the same casual encounters.

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Something that bothers me is the way people don’t have to work for intimacy anymore — at all. You can find someone you’re attracted to and swipe right. If you have a match who is on there for the same reasons, you have a near immediate hookup. People don’t have to court each other or even know each other to use each other to have a few minutes of pleasure. Our generation has been conditioned to want things quickly and with ease. When it comes to sex, we have both of those things. Whether it’s at the tip of our fingertips with porn or a “dating” app, this generation knows that sex is accessible for anyone at any given time.

You know what sucks about all of this? Something that is common and easy to get isn’t special. 

Sex isn’t special anymore because our virginity isn’t something that’s cool to hold onto, and because we’re taught that watching men and women have an intimate moment on a computer screen is normal and okay. We are taught from movies that even the goofiest of comedians who make a living on playing “social outcasts” on the big screen can get in bed with a sultry actress. Instead of alluding to the fact that couples have slept together, we watch it all play out on screen. We watch drunken hookups, naked women prance around the bedroom playfully, and lots and lots of casual sex.

When did this kind of media become the norm? Why does something with a story line as incredible as Game of Thrones feel the need to fill it’s airtime with nudity and excessive sex scenes? Like I’ve said before — it’s because sex sells. People lust over the flawless bodies they see on screen and are desensitized to this being an intimate, special act. Instead of sex being saved for someone you really care about, it’s thought of as a purely physical act of making both parties “feel good” temporarily.

Having sex so available in the world hurts real life relationships. Instead of seeing your partner for how perfectly imperfect she is and having eyes and a heart only for her, other bodies are tossed around like confetti. They are stuck under the glow of faux candlelight, flaunted in front of a captive audience, and teach that it’s okay to look and lust, just not touch.

I strongly believe your body is your own, and you should be able to do what you want with it. I’m not buying the bullshit that casual sex isn’t hurting the greater population, though. I think it leaves us brokenhearted, confused, and hurt more than anything. Casual sex might not be something that you think hurts you until it’s already affected your life. Whether you meet someone you love more than anything and wish you hadn’t given so much of your own body to others before, or you realize that sleeping with someone didn’t fix the problems in the bond you have with someone, regret is often a symptom that comes with casual sex.

I want to encourage you to make decisions for yourself. Don’t buy in to the fact that “everyone” is hooking up, don’t listen to the man who tells you that if you were into him you would want to give him pleasure, and hold tight to your own morals — even if everyone around you appears to be doing the same things. It isn’t easy living differently in such a sex-saturated world. I promise you, though, at the end of the day you will never regret not having a casual encounter with someone, whereas the regret that can come after a hookup can be life-changing. Our hearts are built for love, they’re created to attach, and it’s normal to want to have a personal connection with the person you’re sleeping with. Don’t let society tell you that you’re weird for wanting these things. Sex is such a beautiful thing, but if it’s given away at every fleeting desire, it becomes something that, by definition, isn’t special anymore. How different would life be if we thought more about the really incredible person we are going to end up with, rather than giving in to the temporary desires of our bodies? What would the world be like if instead of saying its “just” sex, we taught the next generation that it’s actually an incredibly intimate and special action that should and does have feelings attached to it? I might be in the minority, but this is something I think we should start teaching our children and encouraging in our peers. Sex is a special thing, and you aren’t wrong in saving it for someone who means something to you.

Where Do I Begin with Dating?

Ask Krista


Hi Krista, how would you respond to someone who doesn’t know where to begin with dating? It’s a big, scary world, and there aren’t any manuals on starting at square one.

Oh my gosh, I loved this question so much that I wanted it to be the very first of my new “Ask Krista” series. So many people reach out with dating questions that I decided I need to start featuring the ones that I think might be more common and could help others.

The dating world is so big that it’s hard to figure out where to start and can feel overwhelming. Starting all the way at square one, I’d say you should first give yourself a mini pep talk. Or better yet, I’ll write one out for you.

Dating isn’t very different than any other interpersonal interaction you have with someone on any given day. It’s all about getting to know people on a deeper level and figuring out whether or not they’re someone you want to keep seeing. Don’t overthink it too much. Enjoy putting yourself out there and realize that there are so many people in this world that if a date goes poorly you’re just going to move on to the next person. You are unique and special in your own way, and someone out there is going to absolutely love you for that.

After you’ve given yourself a little push it’s time to figure out where exactly you want to start. There are apps, websites, and networking events that are all dedicated to finding love. It’s difficult to sift through the dozens of options, but it’s definitely not as daunting as it seems. My advice is to start small. Begin with one or two dating techniques. For example, choose two dating apps that seem to be good for you. You could do one swiping app like Bumble that is built for more casual dates, and add one profile app such as OK Cupid. I’d refrain from spending money on a site at least the first few weeks so you can just adjust to how the online dating world works, then you can better navigate the other sites with a little more ease.

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Be yourself online. Don’t worry about being “cool” or impressing your suitors; you’ll have more long-term success in the dating world if you don’t pretend to be someone you’re not. If you aren’t naturally witty or clever, don’t try to come off that way on your profile. One thing I noticed when I was dating was that everyone seemed to love camping and the outdoors. I haven’t been into that since I got sick with POTS, so I actually made a joke about how much I hated hiking and that didn’t know a lot about sports. Guys messaged me and thought my transparency was funny. I also met more people that I actually got along with since I was open about the fact I am not into hooking up, I am a Christian, and I have a natrually silly personality.

When you’re talking to people to go on dates with proceed with confidence and know that you are a great catch. Realize your worth and know that you are doing an amazing thing by putting yourself out there and trying to find love! You are brave, you are a catch, and you are doing your best to find the relationship you are looking for. At the end of the day as long as you are trying you are being productive in your dating life.

Lastly, don’t let the dating world get you down after one — or even a dozen — bad dates. The odds of you meeting someone to settle down with after just a few dates are so incredibly slim. If you really don’t hit it off with someone or do something to embarrass yourself (it happens to the best of us! See hereherehere, and here), just laugh at the situation and move on. You probably won’t have to see your date around again, so don’t even give it another thought!

The more you date the closer you are to finding someone who is right for you. In the meantime you will learn so many different things about yourself and other people. Just keep your heart and mind open, and don’t give up hope. Dating works differently for each individual and sometimes it takes people kissing a lot more frogs to find their Prince Charming than others. You can be excited and think about what you are working towards, but don’t forget to enjoy each day of your life. One day you’ll be married and settled down and might look back on your twenties as being one of the most confusing and lonely times, but you can also make it one of the most adventurous and freeing times of your life. Make the most of your youth while it’s still here, and create fun and beautiful stories to tell your spouse about later when you meet them. Good luck, and remember that persistence pays off.

Dating Is A Numbers Game

As unromantic as it sounds, finding your forever and always person is all about giving people chances and dating, dating, dating. One piece of important advice I give to all of my friends is that dating is a numbers game. The more people you go out with, the more people you won’t hit it off with, but the greater chance you have to find the person who is right for you.

Some common complaints I hear about dating are:

  • “Online dating doesn’t work for me. I’ve been on two Match dates and they were both nightmares!” Well, maybe that just isn’t the right site for you, but honestly about 1 in 8 dates are going to likely be duds that won’t even turn into a second date. Sometimes you’ll have more bad dates, sometimes you’ll have a few good ones in a row. Giving up after only a few chances, though, isn’t going to be the attitude that helps you to meet someone great.
  • “I don’t want to tell people we met online. I want our story to be better than just meeting on a dating app!” I don’t get this. At all. Who cares how you meet someone amazing, as long as you do? When Robert and I tell people how we met we start off by saying that we met online, but then we immediately jump into our first date story about how he almost stood me up, then how when we did actually meet that I was more interested in petting a cute dog I found outside the restaurant than greeting him. I love our story so much, and we have so many fun moments to sprinkle into it that “OK Cupid” is only a sentence in the story of how we met.

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  • “There isn’t anyone cute near me. Guys here are lame.” Unless you live in a teeny tiny area, this is an enormous statement for the entirety of the young adult population where you live. First, pictures can be deceiving. I have a few friends who I absolutely know would make great matches, but they’re unwilling to even give someone a chance because of a few Facebook photos. Sometimes attraction can’t be felt over a computer screen, and although I think it’s an incredibly important component of a great romantic relationship, I think giving someone a chance — even just a 1 hour date — could be a game-changer for you. If a friend wants to set you up, give their match a try! After all, there’s a reason you came to mind when they decided to pair you with your date. The very worst-case scenario is that you wasted an hour or two of your entire life on someone you’re never going to see again. Then, if the same friend tries to set you up again you can politely decline if it was really that bad. Having an open mind can be such a great asset to the dating world.
  • “I don’t want to do the casual dating thing; I want an exclusive relationship!” Okay. 99% of the time that’s not going to work. Unless you turn a friendship into a relationship, odds are you’re not just going to meet Mr. Right on the street and realize that the two of you are perfect for each other. You have to be casual at some point in your relationship; you aren’t supposed to know right off the bat whether someone is going to be your new significant other. Sometimes people will tell you that they knew right after meeting someone that they were going to marry them, but that’s a rare miracle in the dating world. You typically become more drawn to someone as you get to know more about their heart and values, and it takes time to really get to the nitty gritty of someone’s true personality. I totally know that dating around is exhausting and can be a chore, but you rarely get beautiful things in life without working hard for them.

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Today’s Lesson: Your dating motto for 2018 should be, “It’s just a date.” Stop overthinking dating and start taking chances on things that scare you, and open up your mind to the possibilities around you. I strongly believe there is more harm to being close-minded than being too picky with who you choose to spend your dates on. Be careful, and be smart, but open up your dating pool to some people you might not typically go out with. Then, watch how your dating life transforms through the lessons people teach you and as others begin to open their hearts up to you.

Someone For Everyone

I strongly believe there is someone for everyone in the world. No, that doesn’t mean I think that everyone should — or will — be in a relationship or get married, but I do believe if you want to have a romantic partner there is someone out there who will be a good fit for you.

There are so many amazing examples I’ve seen of people who thought they would never find true love because they were too quirky, too sick, too old, too tall, too short — the list goes on. I would like to argue, though, that the only thing that would ever really hinder someone from finding true love is being too picky. None of the other “too’s” are going to deter every single person in the world from dating you.

Something to remember in the world of online dating and infinite choices is that nobody is perfect. You will never have a partner who has every single quality checked off on your “list,” or who doesn’t sometimes get on your nerves, but that’s normal. The most important thing to remember is that if your relationship is overall a really big asset to your life, the little annoyances you sometimes have are so tiny in the grand scheme of things.

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Luckily we aren’t all attracted to the same kind of person. That would make life pretty boring, and the journey to find love way too competitive — kind of like an ongoing episode of The Bachelor. People have different “types” that they’re into, and just because you are rejected by one person doesn’t mean the next one who comes around won’t like you.

I don’t know why it takes some people longer than others to find a partner when their heart is ready. Sometimes I think it really is because dating is a numbers game. The more dates you go on, the more people you meet, and the more likely you are to find someone you really click with. Other times, I think people get in their own heads about dating and can take things too seriously too quickly. I know how hard it is to want the beautiful, loving relationship that you picture in your head, but remember that love and trust take time to build and you can’t force things.

Writing people off without getting to know them is another thing that can really hurt your dating life. Whether it’s because you don’t think you’re good enough for someone or because you don’t think they’re the right fit for you, sometimes it can be really beneficial to give people who have the important things in common with you a chance. When I first became single my motto quickly became “It’s just a date.” By having this attitude I was able to chat with guys, get to know them, and give them a chance. If you really dig deeper into my own life, did it make sense that I went on a date with a soldier who was getting ready to leave for a long deployment? It doesn’t seem like an ideal situation — especially for someone who isn’t keen on doing long distance — but going on that first date with Robert and giving him a chance was one of the best decisions the best decision I have ever made. Seriously, I could not have known two Octobers ago that going out to a little Italian restaurant with someone I met online was going to be a life-changing moment for me, but it was, and despite all the hard times we had during the deployment he was worth every single one of them. Giving this cute, funny stranger a chance gave me one of the most important things I have in my life — us.

Regardless of how dating has been for you, the only way you can find what you’re looking for is by putting yourself out there and trying again. I hate heartbreak so much, but the great thing about loving and losing the wrong person is that you are another step closer to finding the person who is right for you. Hearts are fragile, but they’re resilient and can heal, even when it feels like they are smashed into a million different pieces. Hang in there, and be gentle with yourself.

Setting Up Your First Dating Profile

I think my friends are completely taking over the OKCupid scene in the DC area. It’s the first website I recommend for girls who are looking to start online dating because it’s super simple, free, and a little bit less of a hassle than other sites since the guys typically come to you.

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My best friend joined recently and asked for some advice on setting up a profile, and I realized I actually had a lot to say on the matter. Here are the first five things you should do when initially setting up a dating profile:

  1. When choosing a screen name, choose something that represents you, but doesn’t give away any personal information. Do not use your name, numbers that signify your birthday or area code, or the school you attend. An OKC profile is public, which means anyone in the world can see it. Some ideas for a username could include a sports team you root for, an activity you enjoy, or a pop culture reference. Something like TeamRavenclaw, RedskinsFan, or Swiftie13 could be a good start. The people you will potentially date don’t have to understand the reference, but it can be a good conversation starter for those who do have that interest in common with you!
  2. Answer only questions that are truly important you. OK Cupid has a nice little feature that shows what percentage you and a match are with one another, and this can be super-helpful if you’re trying to sort through your matches quickly. If you’re not looking for a hookup, smoking is a deal-breaker, and you only want to date someone who is neat and tidy, answer those questions so that the percentage will reflect what’s really important to you. Questions like, “Do you enjoy discussing politics?” or “Is astrological sign at all important in a match?” may end up messing up the algorithm if those questions don’t matter to you very much, whereas questions about religion and seriousness of a relationship have more importance.
  3. Use recent photos that reflect who you are. When I was on OKCupid I started off using some of the best photos of myself that I had — some of which were from modeling I did in college. I had a couple of “regular” photos as well, but quickly switched over to all normal photos of what I looked like in my everyday life. When I used the glammed-up photos I actually felt more insecure about my profile, as I felt like guys might think I was catfishing them when we met up and I didn’t meet the standard of my perfectly-lit, lightly airbrushed photos. I felt a lot better knowing people were looking at the girl who would show up to the date we had planned, rather than the more perfect version of myself.
  4. Change your location to wherever you’d like to meet up with your dates. For example, if I technically live in one city, but am closer to DC than most of the rest of my area, I might just say my location is DC to eliminate an explanation of why I’d like to go on a date there instead of in my own town. Plus this makes it just a tiny bit more difficult for someone to track you down on Facebook.
  5. Fill out the entire profile, but don’t write a novel. I think making your profile reflect your personality is important, but the messages you exchange with someone will definitely play more of a role in whether or not you want to meet up with someone. A profile is a good place to write about a few things that are really important to you and showcase your personality. Don’t be afraid to put one or two things that you want in a date on your profile, but be careful about crafting it in a way that doesn’t sound like you’re being demanding of your dates. For example, I always wrote that I wasn’t looking for a hookup in my profile, as I didn’t want guys who just wanted a very casual date sending me a message. That saves both parties time and energy that they can use on other people on the site.

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Bonus tip: Don’t take online dating way too seriously, and have fun with it! The more pressure you put on trying to find something meaningful, the harder it is to relax and let things fall into place naturally. I know online dating can get old quickly — and sometimes get frustrating — but instead of giving up on it, take a break, enjoy some time with your friends, and come back to your profile when you feel like you can take things slowly again. There are so many fish in the sea, which is great because you have a lot of options, but it also means you’ll probably go through a lot of people who aren’t right for you before getting to a good match. Breathe, pace yourself, and enjoy. You never know when you might meet someone who will put an end to your online dating days, so enjoy this season of your life while it’s still around.

Valentine’s Day With A Player

As I’ve mentioned before Valentine’s Day is my favorite holiday. I’ve been prepping for the big day for weeks now. I made a million cards and heavily assisted in keeping the USPS in business this year. Sadly I gave Robert his present early — a New England Patriots jacket — as I felt like he needed as much gear for the Super Bowl as possible, but I’m still going to give out a few presents and cards on Tuesday. My boyfriend is always my official Valentine, but I usually have a dozen others (I bully my friends into saying they’ll be my Valentine); and my mom is always my #1!

Since I’ve been slacking a little on posting lately I decided to do a kind of different pre-Valentine’s Day post. I chatted some with one of my good friends, Will, as he has a great head on his shoulders when it comes to love and dating, but is also kind of hilarious. As much as he talks the talk about being a player, he is actually one of the sweetest guys I know, and I kind of can’t wait for him to eventually get a girlfriend, as I know he’ll treat her really well (Yes, ladies, he is currently single!). Read more to get the scoop on what basketball superstar “Will The Thrill” is up to tomorrow.

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Single In The Suburbs:
What are your plans for Valentine’s Day?

Will The Thrill:
Well I’m taking out a lucky lady after work, then quickly dropping her off so I can take out another girl I’m talking to.

SITS:
How many girls will you take out?

WTT:
I will take out two on Tuesday. I took out one on Friday and two on Saturday. I might take out a few the following weekend as well; it depends on what I feel like doing at the time.

SITS:

How do you keep your dates from finding out about each other? I would hate to see you stuck in a John Tucker Must Die scenario.

WTT:
Ideally you’d want the women to live at least some distance away from each other so they won’t find you with another girl at a nearby restaurant when they’re out with friends. If anyone wants to employ this dating strategy, I’d highly recommend getting a car with great gas mileage.

SITS:
How do you keep their names straight?

WTT:
Fortunately for me, I’m pretty good at remembering names. I guess being an attractive female helps in that regard as well… And if you’re not good with names, you’ll learn quick.

SITS:
Are you bringing your dates anything special for Valentine’s Day?

WTT:
I’ll bring a box of chocolates to my last date on Tuesday, since that’s the girl I’m most interested in. It’s basically like a professional sports team and the ladies are fighting for roster spots. The girls who don’t go out with me on Valentine’s Day are on the bench, the ones that do are the starters, and my favorite girl (who earns the prestigious title of “Baby Girl”) is the star player.

SITS:
Aren’t you afraid the other girls will think you’re a cheapskate if you don’t bring them anything for Valentine’s Day?

WTT:

Well, some of them are going to be first dates, so that would be weird. If I’ve been talking to a girl for a while I guess I’ll bring them some chocolate too. I am a nice person.

SITS:
Any tips for those who don’t have a Valentine yet?

WTT:
Keep grinding. Go to the gym, watch some funny movies, and hang out with other friends without dates. I had plenty of Valentine’s Days where I didn’t have one, it’s not that bad.

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Will is known for his killer charm, stunning good looks, and wicked sense of humor.

Disclaimer for those of you who know Will:
This is for humor purposes only and Will the Thrill does not really endorse playing women like that, as he loves them all too much.

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Something I hear far too often is that people create online dating accounts not to form any sort of relationship with someone, but to create validation for themselves. This is a disturbing thought, as it puts your self-worth in the hands of others, rather than finding it in yourself or in God.

I am going to tell the stories of two different friends to show that seeking validation from the opposite sex is never a solution to finding your own value or self-worth.


Jenn* signs online and checks her messages.

157.

The number hovers over her little envelope like a little prize. Her heart leaps at the thought of a Prince hiding in her inbox — then drops when she doesn’t find him after searching in countless messages. Why don’t the good guys ever message her?


Mindy* signs onto the same app from her phone and holds her breath as the page loads.

zero.

There isn’t even a notification for this number; just a giant blue envelope with a glaringly invisible orange digit in the top corner. Disappointment creeps silently through her body, and she sighs as she swipes through the app in hopes to find a new match who will message her.


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Jenn lets out a soft groan as she reads through her messages. Nothing is new or interesting; just the same old pickup lines and mundane conversations she is so used to. Where is the excitement in dating? Nobody captures her attention, much less can keep it. She doesn’t look forward to signing on anymore; she just wants the dozens of first dates and “getting to know you” conversations to be over. She wants a boyfriend; someone she can count on and actually have a meaningful connection with. There is an empty ache in the pit of her stomach.


Tears well up in Mindy’s eyes. Why don’t men desire her the same way they do her friends? Where are the floods of messages she was promised for being a female? Why does the gaping hole in her heart feel as empty as her inbox?

She quickly feels unwanted and undesired. This turns into a slippery slope and leaves Mindy to picture living life alone. She forgets about the friends and family who surround her and absolutely love her, and her self-worth rapidly depletes.


Jenn and Mindy both close their eyes in their respective apartments. They are experiencing the same overwhelming feeling — loneliness.

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Today’s lesson: The real truth of the matter is that happiness and contentment don’t depend on the number of people at your disposal. Honestly, even having a great boyfriend doesn’t make loneliness completely disappear. You can’t rely on others to bring you contentment in life because they may not always be there to give you the love and security you are longing for. Instead work on feeling secure with yourself and finding greater purposes with your life than being connected to someone else — that’s just a really great bonus when you do find the right person!


*Names have been changed to protect privacy.

Tips For Men: Better Dating Conversations

I reached out to my good friend Will to do a blog post for me since he’s someone who is super-confident in the dating world, and though his advice always has a little dose of silliness, it’s usually spot-on.

Without further ado, here are his tips on how to carry a great conversation on a date:

  • Wing It: Some guys like to meticulously plan out every question and topic they want to bring up. Please learn how to have a fluid conversation without doing this. Women do not want a robot, they want a human being. Plus, it will save some awkwardness from pulling out the list of topics you have in your back pocket when you get stuck.
  • Be Nice, But Not “Fake Nice”: Being respectful is always important, but do not be so nice to the point that it doesn’t seem genuine. When someone tries too hard, it’s obvious they only have one goal in mind, and women aren’t stupid… Krista’s readers are intelligent, so you fellas are looking for someone with brains too (Not in a zombie sort of way, even with Halloween coming up and all).
  • Utilize Your Intelligence: This article is discussing what to do when dating quality women, so onward to the next tip — intelligent conversation. Women love to talk, so when they’re talking about themselves ask questions that you’re naturally curious about. For example, if she’s not from around here, ask her about her hometown and how different the culture is there.
  • Bond Over Hobbies: The best way to keep a conversation going is to talk about hobbies. On the first date, ask her what she likes to do and if you have some things in common, talk about that. Easy money! A good partner is someone you can do fun things with, so finding her interests early is awesome. For example, I’m a huge fan of basketball, so it would be advantageous to me to meet a lady who also knows that ball is life, since women that don’t know will never completely understand.

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  • Have A Sense of Humor: This is my bread and butter, my meal ticket. Women love a guy who has humor and wit. As a matter of fact, if you make a girl laugh frequently and you do not screw up too bad, you’ll most likely have a second date. I’ll bet $100 on it. Just don’t be too crude (my Achilles heel sometimes). If you want more detail on how I include humor on a date, pick up my new book Making Her Fall Head Over Heels… With Laughter. The book signing is actually next Thursday.
  • Be Confident, Not Cocky: Confidence is knowing you have the ability to do something without having to brag about it. Whenever someone says they are really good at something, I automatically question their claim. For example, if I titled this article “Reasons Will is the Most Charming Person on the Planet,” you, as the reader, will nitpick anything that can be interpreted otherwise just to disprove my point. Your date will do the same thing. I better take my own advice; my dates won’t know about my book.

Today’s lesson (Courtesy of Will): To sum it all up, just be authentic and have fun. Keep trying; a failed date is never a bad thing and honestly will likely happen more often than a successful one. Just learn from your mistakes (and victories!) and you will be a force to be reckoned with. Relax, bro!

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