Dating In A Technology-Saturated World

Love is difficult enough on its own, but when you add our little black screens to the mix, things become just that much more complicated. First, let’s talk casually dating. There are a million different apps and websites you can use to meet people. Making a choice — or three — of what you want to use can dictate the kind of people you will meet. There is a dating app for everyone, whether you are looking for a farmer, a fellow vegetarian, or someone who loves Disney just as much as you do. This is great because it takes searching high and low out of the equation and sets you up with a partner who has at least some of the same interests that you do. Even using the more standard dating websites makes finding a partner a little easier because there are usually questions to answer that calculate what percent of a match you are with someone, which saves the smalltalk and goes straight for some of the biggest deal breakers like religion, smoking, or even what kind of family someone wants.

The dating culture now is different than it ever has been before because we have endless options. It is so easy to go out with a person, see a flaw you don’t like, and think, “Well, on to the next one!” when you have access to thousands of profiles online. Odds are there’s someone who fits the bill of exactly what you want, right? The problem with this rationale is that there is no such thing as a perfect person. We live in a time where if something is broken, we don’t fix it — we just get rid of it and upgrade. It isn’t worth the effort of learning how to jump over a hurdle or adapt to a new way of using something; it is far easier to just throw away a broken object than it is to put the time and effort into making ours work again. The same goes in the dating world. Far too often, as soon as someone learns about an issue, they decide to move on to find a different person without said problem. This turns into a vicious cycle in embarking on the search for perfection which, in this world, does not exist.

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Now let’s touch on solid relationships. The little black box certainly doesn’t make finding a partner easy, but once you’ve gotten one they work their little plastic butts off to make everything a little more complicated, despite their initial intention of making life easier for us. Instead of reaching to hold their partners in the morning, people reach for their phones. Rather than sitting together at the dinner table they sit on the couch in front of a television. Hours upon hours each week are spent on Facebook and scrolling mindlessly through Instagram. This whole new age of technology has greatly changed the course of our lives — for better and for worse.

At the end of the day, despite what it sometimes seems, we own technology — it does not own us. We can make our own decisions on how to use it to better our lives and enrich our relationships instead of harming them. I like using my little silver laptop to type words onto a screen and share them on here with you all. I like playing Super Smash Bros and Fortnite with my husband, and I like that I can shop no matter how I’m feeling and that there are people who will drive to my house with a piping hot pizza if I use my phone to order one. Technology is great as long as you know when to use it and how to continue to connect with your loved ones in person. This is why I harp so much on the importance of quality time spent with loved ones, rather than just time. It can be so easy to think you are pouring into others when you spend so much time with them, but if that time isn’t spent wisely it won’t really make an impact on their heart.

I still haven’t finished making my resolutions for the year, but one of them is that I am going to be more cognizant of how often I am using my phone and to put it away more when I am with my loved ones. I am going to invest more time in journaling and having heart-to-heart conversations, and be more productive about reaching my goals for this year. What are your resolutions for 2019?

Heartbreak Works Itself Out

I have had a million different thoughts spinning in my head throughout the wedding planning process. I just got home from picking out my dress and finally sat to let it sink in that the first thing Robert will see me in as his wife is being created right now. All of the delicate details are being crafted for the one day I have dreamed about since I was a little girl, and I can’t wait to see the love of my life waiting at the end of the aisle for me. Writing that gives me chills.

Now that I’m home I’m listening to a few of our favorite songs and daydreaming about how amazing that day will be. One thought led to another, and I realized something kind of incredible about our story. Any heartbreak we’ve faced in the past worked out for the best. Oh my gosh, I cannot tell you how worth all of the pain it this is now. Humans are all the same, and we all face ups and downs in life. Adults know what heartbreak feels like, how hard it is to be rejected, how tiring dating around can be, and how incredible love is.

At 27 I don’t know everything, but I do know that even if your heart feels like it’s been completely shattered, it can be put back together again. I know that pain is often fleeting, as are lonely moments. I know that perfection doesn’t exist, but loving someone who is imperfect can be even more beautiful, and finally, I know that sometimes you may think you’ve lost someone you love, only to realize that you had absolutely no idea what love really is.

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All of our heartbreak and dead ends along the way have brought us together, and at the end of the day, it really does only matter who we end up with. I can remember vividly what it feels like to be heartbroken, but at the same time I don’t ever think about it anymore. I am in such a different chapter of my life that none of that will ever be a part of it again.

The reason I wanted to write all of this is that I know so many twenty-somethings are still figuring things out and some have given up on love or others because of a few bad experiences or terrible heartbreaks. I want to keep cheering you on — whether or not you are dating around — and offer myself as a reminder that circumstances in life change greatly. We sometimes have our crazy ups and downs, but I promise you it is all worthwhile and you are never truly alone, even if it feels that way. Whether you’re married, single, engaged, or have completely written off dating, just remember that heartbreak fades away and one day you might just be lucky enough to realize why things didn’t work out, even if at one point you had hoped they would. God might laugh at the things we think are best for ourselves, but ultimately He knows what is best for us and wants what’s best for us. If we are willing to let go of the things that aren’t right for us, we make room for the beautiful and wonderful things that are meant to come our way.

Never settle for someone just because they’re safe or familiar. Marry your best friend, your partner in crime, your ride or die. This doesn’t guarantee life will always be easy for the two of you, but it does mean that you can be absolutely certain that no matter what comes your way, you’ll have something that is constant and someone who will be there through thick and thin. In the meantime, if you haven’t found your person yet, embrace the single life and find other things to be joyful for. There are so many wonderful love stories in the world, and not all of them are built through romance. Cultivating beauty in other aspects of your life will make the love you find just that much richer when the timing is right. Hang in there, and remember that you are so loved. ❤

“Don’t Settle” Isn’t Always Good Advice

I think something we’ve all heard from our friends and family is don’t settle for a mediocre relationship. Some of us have friends who haven’t really been in a relationship before because they haven’t found anyone worth spending time on dating. I was that girl for close to two decades. Granted, I don’t think the first thirteen years of life are typically reserved for dating, but you get it — I was definitely a late bloomer.

Today I’d like to play the devil’s advocate, though, and pose a different argument.

Could you possibly be too picky in the dating world?

I am a firm believer in not dating someone who clearly goes against one of your deal breakers. I am also a firm believer in only having a few of those, though. Things that you absolutely cannot live with — or without — constitute as deal breakers. Religion, priorities, lifestyles, and location are all things that are very real deal breakers.

I have seen some really amazing people pass over potential dates for really superficial or minuscule traits. Whether it’s a hairstyle and something about a person’s looks, or an unrelatable hobby, I see great people get ditched for small differences all the time. I’m a huge advocate for the “it’s just a date” philosophy, and I think you are far more likely to miss out on a wonderful person by being incredibly strict with your dating criteria, rather than being open to going on a few potentially bad dates.

The reality of the world is that you are never going to find someone who is absolutely perfect. Every single person on this earth is going to be different than you in one way or another, and if you say “no” to everyone who has some sort of quirk, you’re never going to find anyone who is exactly the same as you are. To be honest, if I met myself I think I’d be bugged by plenty of things. I am chronically late (but working on it!), I can be high-maintenance — especially with my medical needs — I need words of affirmation to feel like my work is valid, and I have a fairly sensitive heart with the people I love most. When you can overlook my flaws, though, I have a good heart. I am patient, I love deeply, I know how to put someone else’s needs above my own, and I try to be there for anyone who needs a friend. My purpose feels like it is to make others feel less alone in the world,  which is why I write so often about my honest thoughts and feelings.

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I want to encourage you to look at your deal breakers and reevaluate what you find is important in a relationship. If you swipe left on people for their fashion sense or because they seem to have one or two different interests, I challenge you to change your ways for just one month. Give guys you ordinarily wouldn’t a chance, and go on a few dates with people who aren’t quite “your type,” and just treat dating as a fun little activity with no pressure to find Mr. Right. There’s a reason people so often say they met their significant other when they weren’t looking — it’s so much easier to date when you don’t feel pressured to find your perfect match. Your heart becomes open to finding beautiful love when you don’t have your guard so high up and when you can just relax, be yourself, and have fun.


If you decide to start dating around, please let me know how it goes! I love hearing all of your stories. 

Single And So Ready To Settle Down

Do you feel lonely this winter? Are you sick and tired of being single and seeing a-million-and-one proposals, weddings, and budding new relationships all over social media?

You are not alone.

I know it feels like it sometimes, but something I think is so important to remember is that the people who are super-single, frustrated with dating, or ready for marriage and a family but still looking for their partner in crime are not posting on Facebook about this. They are actually likely the majority on your friend list, but they’re a silent majority.

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If you feel frustrated for being single, don’t beat yourself up. Just because your heart wants companionship doesn’t mean something is wrong with you. We are built to love and be loved. That desire is so, so normal. Sure, there are people who never get married and still feel fulfilled, but the reality of it is most people eventually find love with a romantic partner and decide to tie the knot at one time or another. It’s not wrong to dream about having a life with someone you haven’t met yet, and it actually is okay to be actively seeking a relationship, as long as it’s not taking over your entire life.

Did you know that this is the first time in American history that more women are having children in their thirties than in their twenties? Yup — and that’s not just me trying to be comforting — check out the facts right here. The mean age of women going through their first pregnancy is now 28, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. This is largely in part because they are also settling down later in life than they have in the past.

So if you’re reading this and in your late twenties or thirties and feel a little left out in the love department, remember that you are not running late, and you are not the minority. Often it’s the loudest people we notice the most, and that can craft an image in our heads of what we should be doing in our lives or what the majority looks like. Our perception becomes skewed based on the people who are making announcements, and we forget about those who are sitting in silence. People who are staying still or even struggling are far less likely to speak up about it. Those who haven’t yet found their special person just aren’t rambling about that on every Facebook and Instagram post.

I do think it’s important to keep up activities that you enjoy other than dating while you’re “shopping around” for the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, and it’s crucial to keep things as lighthearted and fun as possible in order to protect your heart until you know someone well enough to give them it one little piece at a time. You know how everyone always gives the annoyingly cliched advice that you’ll find the right person when you aren’t looking for them? This is often true — as I think opportunities pop up that we would never had dreamed up for ourselves — but I also think it’s great to keep putting a conscious effort into going after what we want, even if that’s a relationship. So go create a dating profile or sit next to the guy you’ve been crushing on from afar. Even though things often start happening when you stop worrying, it can never hurt to put yourself out there and be the very best version of you to prepare for the adventure of a lifetime with someone one day. Until then, though, remember that you’re never alone, and that there are so many people who can empathize with any struggles or frustrations that you have. Despite every human being incredibly unique from the next, our struggles are surprisingly so very similar.

Stop Making Excuses

Something humans do a lot is try to rationalize and make sense of the world around us. This often includes other people, and the dating world. Analyzing dating is such a fun thing; in fact, I often do it on this blog and really look forward to hearing about new situations so I can try to get into someone’s head and figure out why they behave the way they do.

One thing I’ve seen over and over again in the dating world is people trying to make excuses for others’ behavior. Whether it’s giving them an excuse to misbehave, or trying to justify their actions, there is sometimes too much forgiveness for someone who just isn’t the right fit for you. Today I want to target some of those examples and help some of those struggling with this to realize they don’t have to know why someone is behaving inappropriately; instead, just find a person who will treat you well right off the bat.

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Example 1:
You’ve been talking to a guy for awhile and he is chronically “bad at texting you back.” 

Whether it’s game day or he’s working, I think about 95% of millennials have their phone with them the majority of the day. I know there are the exceptions to the rule, but if someone really likes you they’re going to want to connect with you — or at least make you feel secure with the amount of time they are willing to give to you. If you’re seeing him on a regular basis and he’s bad at texting you that’s one thing, but if he just isn’t stepping up to the plate to make plans and doesn’t connect with you on your phone, move on. There are a million reasons he might not be texting you, but all of them are irrelevant if he’s not going to give you the care you want and deserve in a relationship.

Example 2:
He isn’t romantic and doesn’t seem to speak your love language. 

This is a little more complicated. Have you talked your guy about this? You definitely don’t have to have the same love language as someone to make a relationship with them work, but to have a healthy and fulfilling love life you might have to put extra work into figuring out what makes your partner feel loved. If you’ve had conversations about your heart and don’t see a real effort being made to change that have actions to back up the words that are being said, take a step back and reevaluate. Actions speak volumes louder than words, and it’s very important to be with someone who prioritizes taking care of your heart, mind, and soul. Changing behaviors and being more aware can take time — so be patient — but it also takes a lot of hard work and effort. You’ll know if your partner isn’t putting work behind their words, but if they are, that is an amazing quality to have in a significant other.

Example 3:
You’ve been dating for awhile and he’s still too scared or broken to commit. 

If you’re looking for a relationship but the person you’ve been seeing isn’t, chances are the timing isn’t right for you two. I typically don’t buy in to “timing” being the sole reason for a relationship not working out — I think if someone cares about you with all their heart they can make things work despite having a lot of other things going on in life — but there are people who genuinely won’t work because of when they meet. This doesn’t mean y’all won’t be together in the future, but don’t hold out for that. If you want companionship, don’t waste your time with someone who isn’t ready unless you’re really actually fine with waiting for them. People can be unpredictable, especially if they are living in a confused state of mind and trying to figure themselves out. Step away and revisit the relationship if the opportunity comes up again, but in the meantime keep your options and heart open to what the world has to offer.


These examples are fairly general, and I think many of us could at some point relate to something similar. My point in this post is to stop wasting your time in the dating world, and start dating smarter. When you take care of your heart and mental health while shopping around for a partner, you are increasing your dating stamina and making room for the right person to step into your life, rather than exhausting yourself with all the wrong people. This makes the dating world a lot less painful, confusing, and frustrating, and allows you to cut out a lot of the games that are often started when playing the field.

Texting Templates

Ask Krista


I swear I should have a job replying to people’s romantic interest’s texts. I love that my friends trust me with something as important as using words for communication, and I have become a pro to texting guys back. Today I decided to write about some of the most common kinds of messages my friends need help replying to and how I would answer them.


What do you text a guy after he tells you he had a nice time on a date and asks when he can take you out again, but you aren’t into him?

It’s important to be respectful but honest about your feelings so he can move on. Something simple like,

“Yeah, thanks so much for dinner, Steve, it was great meeting you. I actually don’t think things are going to work out for us, but good luck and I know there’s a great girl out there for ya!”

is perfect because it’s gracious, yet firm. If you try to be too nice you aren’t doing your date any favors because he might keep reading into your words and wondering whether he still has a chance with you. By saying something like, “Take care!” or, “Things aren’t going to work out with us,” you are making it crystal clear that he should move on and find someone more compatible.

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How should I reply if someone I met online wants to pick me up for a first date? I don’t feel comfortable riding in the car with a stranger.

Um, that’s because you’re smart! There are very few things that haven’t changed in your life since you were five, but the stranger danger factor still remains in place for a reason. I was always very jokey in my texts back to guys, so I would always say something like,

“Sorry, but I don’t know that you’re not a serial killer yet. Meet there at six?”

Any rendition of this is great, but hold your ground and don’t hop in the car with someone you can’t trust. I found out recently that one of my mom’s friends was hitchhiking when she was young and got in the car with Ted Bundy! She realized he was a dangerous guy when they stopped at a gas station and she saw a giant knife and rope under the backseat, but she didn’t know exactly who he was until she saw his face on the news later that week. YIKES! 


I had such a great time on a date, but the guy isn’t asking me out again! I’m tired of making smalltalk, and I don’t want to have another virtual pen pal. 

That makes complete sense. To find what you’re looking for when it comes to a relationship in online dating, you have to be quick to decide whether someone is looking for the same things as you. Dating can become exhausting really quickly, as there are so many different options and a lot of people who aren’t ready for a relationship or even to casually date on apps. If you went on a date with someone and aren’t getting asked to go on another but he keeps messaging you mindlessly, move on to the next person. If he realizes he wants to see you again when the texting thread dies off, great! You can make a decision on whether or not you want a second date then. In the meantime, there are so many other people who will be straightforward with their feelings and ask you out in a timely manner after your first date. Look for people like that who will be trusty and reliable.


What do you tell a guy who says something disrespectful to you?
Absolutely NOTHING. Block and delete that sucker! He doesn’t deserve your time or energy, and silence speaks volumes. You don’t need a clever response and it’s not your job to put him into his place — it’s your job to leave him and find someone who will treat you right. 


What do you think of my texts? Guys, how would you feel being on the receiving end of these messages? Girls, what would you do instead? Sound off in the comments!

Where Do I Begin with Dating?

Ask Krista


Hi Krista, how would you respond to someone who doesn’t know where to begin with dating? It’s a big, scary world, and there aren’t any manuals on starting at square one.

Oh my gosh, I loved this question so much that I wanted it to be the very first of my new “Ask Krista” series. So many people reach out with dating questions that I decided I need to start featuring the ones that I think might be more common and could help others.

The dating world is so big that it’s hard to figure out where to start and can feel overwhelming. Starting all the way at square one, I’d say you should first give yourself a mini pep talk. Or better yet, I’ll write one out for you.

Dating isn’t very different than any other interpersonal interaction you have with someone on any given day. It’s all about getting to know people on a deeper level and figuring out whether or not they’re someone you want to keep seeing. Don’t overthink it too much. Enjoy putting yourself out there and realize that there are so many people in this world that if a date goes poorly you’re just going to move on to the next person. You are unique and special in your own way, and someone out there is going to absolutely love you for that.

After you’ve given yourself a little push it’s time to figure out where exactly you want to start. There are apps, websites, and networking events that are all dedicated to finding love. It’s difficult to sift through the dozens of options, but it’s definitely not as daunting as it seems. My advice is to start small. Begin with one or two dating techniques. For example, choose two dating apps that seem to be good for you. You could do one swiping app like Bumble that is built for more casual dates, and add one profile app such as OK Cupid. I’d refrain from spending money on a site at least the first few weeks so you can just adjust to how the online dating world works, then you can better navigate the other sites with a little more ease.

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Be yourself online. Don’t worry about being “cool” or impressing your suitors; you’ll have more long-term success in the dating world if you don’t pretend to be someone you’re not. If you aren’t naturally witty or clever, don’t try to come off that way on your profile. One thing I noticed when I was dating was that everyone seemed to love camping and the outdoors. I haven’t been into that since I got sick with POTS, so I actually made a joke about how much I hated hiking and that didn’t know a lot about sports. Guys messaged me and thought my transparency was funny. I also met more people that I actually got along with since I was open about the fact I am not into hooking up, I am a Christian, and I have a natrually silly personality.

When you’re talking to people to go on dates with proceed with confidence and know that you are a great catch. Realize your worth and know that you are doing an amazing thing by putting yourself out there and trying to find love! You are brave, you are a catch, and you are doing your best to find the relationship you are looking for. At the end of the day as long as you are trying you are being productive in your dating life.

Lastly, don’t let the dating world get you down after one — or even a dozen — bad dates. The odds of you meeting someone to settle down with after just a few dates are so incredibly slim. If you really don’t hit it off with someone or do something to embarrass yourself (it happens to the best of us! See hereherehere, and here), just laugh at the situation and move on. You probably won’t have to see your date around again, so don’t even give it another thought!

The more you date the closer you are to finding someone who is right for you. In the meantime you will learn so many different things about yourself and other people. Just keep your heart and mind open, and don’t give up hope. Dating works differently for each individual and sometimes it takes people kissing a lot more frogs to find their Prince Charming than others. You can be excited and think about what you are working towards, but don’t forget to enjoy each day of your life. One day you’ll be married and settled down and might look back on your twenties as being one of the most confusing and lonely times, but you can also make it one of the most adventurous and freeing times of your life. Make the most of your youth while it’s still here, and create fun and beautiful stories to tell your spouse about later when you meet them. Good luck, and remember that persistence pays off.