Tag: POTS

Baby Steps

~ kristalauren ~ Leave a comment

Yesterday I felt really proud of myself. I don’t often think about “me” as a person — other than maybe self-improvement or things I want to learn to better understand why my brain works the way it does.

I just started up physical therapy again. I have a goal of getting off my muscle relaxants, which is a real B* if I’m being honest. POTS is an autonomic nervous system (ANS) disorder. This means that everything that a body does for you automatically, mine does not. Or, sometimes it does — but it royally screws me. Like, on my second date with Robert when he thought I was head over heels for him because he felt my heart racing when I was sitting up against him on the couch. OK — maybe I had a little bit of a crush and totally wanted him to kiss me, but my heart always races when I feel any kind of emotion. Most people probably have a slight change, but my ANS is a freaking drama queen.

Anyway, the purpose of taking muscle relaxants for Dysautonomia (umbrella word for POTS and EDS) is that it tells me, “HEY, I am going to sleep, let’s relax like a normal human being.” My body is dispositioned to respond to my chronic pain by always being tight and trying to hold my muscles and joints together for dear life by tensing up. This is especially not good when I am sleeping, as it doesn’t give my body the chance to have a normal recovery. Things just keep getting tighter and tighter, which is really painful. I don’t think anyone in the medical field will appreciate the way I am describing this, but hopefully it kind of makes sense to those who know much more and less than me about what’s happening.

So. Back to my goal. I want to get off this medication I have been taking for years now. When I first had issues with pain I was prescribed Tramadol. I was told it would help with the pain I was experiencing — but upon some quick research, I saw that I was given an opioid. Yeah, nope, too scary. I think some people need this kind of relief, but I was determined to have something so serious be an absolute last resort. So I did vigorous physical therapy. I remained in a great amount of pain, but I eventually made it to a neurologist who specialized in pain management and was a well-known POTS expert. This is how I found the treatment that has worked for me for years now. The only medication I have taken for POTS is a muscle relaxant. I want to see if I can manage on my own, though. I tried by myself and it was a shit show. Lots of pain and managing work felt impossible. I am working with a team to do this now, though. I think we have a good plan, but we’ll see how it all goes.

Now that you have some background, I will get to my recent experience that prompted me to write. I am getting dry needling done right now. It really hurts. I am incredibly tight, have a lot of trigger points, and writing at a computer all day just aggravates everything. After a few sessions, my PT told me that I have a high pain tolerance. I thought this was funny because I felt like I was going to either throw up or pass out during one part of the treatment, but I wiggled my toes to distract myself until everything was over.

I’m proud of myself for never giving up. I’m proud of myself for trying. I’m proud of myself for not complaining and for genuinely loving my life, despite the weird adversity I have experienced. I have been really good health-wise lately, but it is really difficult trying to manage my pain. Everything is so temperamental and I’ve found something that generally works, but I feel like I want better. I am proud that I always made the most of every stage of life. I worked a few hours when I could, then moved to a part-time job, and am working full time now. I gave myself time to cry and mourn the loss of a normal life. I still miss running any time I think about it. It’s been almost 10 years since I last went out for a normal jog. This actually feels crazy, because I so vividly remember how much I loved the feeling of the cold air burning my lungs as I pushed to run just one more mile. I honestly am not used to being in pain, but I don’t remember what it was like having none. I don’t think you can understand this unless you have experienced it yourself.

I have adjusted my whole life to this, but I also haven’t taken a great amount of time feeling sorry for myself. I know people all have things they deal with and I hope I can keep sharing my journey with you. A health diagnoses is a heartbreaking thing, but like in love, hearts heal and adjust. Almost ten years in, I still feel like life with POTS is my “new normal,” but I have healed a lot and plan to continue to do so. I am excited for the moment I can tell you I have made more leaps and bounds. It’s happened before, so I’m optimistic that I still have more that I can improve on. Not sure what this will look like yet, but we’ll figure it out.

Headlines Are My Kryptonite

~ kristalauren ~ 2 Comments

It’s funny how the days go by slow, but the years just seem to fly. The last time I wrote here was before we even moved. Now we’ve been in our house for over a year.

I have writer’s block. Which bugs me, because I love to write. I have become more private as I have gotten older, and I don’t know what to write about. I love my job, but it offers very little creativity. I always wanted to be a journalist. Like, when I was in the second grade, my mom would buy me editing workbooks because I wanted to edit in my free time. I would finish my homework, only to go open a nice, fresh proofreading workbook to see if I could find all of the mistakes. I wrote mini newspapers and magazines and truly enjoyed doing my English homework. It was always my favorite class, right beside gym. I was always the kid who came in with the longest essay because I could not say enough. That is, until I learned that a good journalist can get their point across with brevity. Then my new challenge became writing a piece just long enough to give all the details I wanted to convey, but short enough that people would read it. The only part I have always hated about writing is coming up with a good title. I still never know what to name these freaking posts, which is part of the reason I have upwards of 200 drafts just sitting there.

I have things I am passionate about and would enjoy posting on here, so I’m going to start tonight. I want to continue to raise awareness about POTS. I have something written about this already. I forgot what hell it is to lose the ability to protect your body from taking you captive. We NEED to find a cure. Want to learn more about it? Check out Dysautonomia International for some statistics, but you would think that an illness that affects millions of people would have more funding. Many people with POTS don’t feel well, but can still function. About a quarter of cases are so debilitating that patients cannot work. Experts compare the quality of life to someone with congestive heart failure or kidney failure. Most of those affected are young women. I have a lot to say about this, so we’ll be circling back to it; I have been thankful to see POTS taking the news by storm the past year, but I want to keep raising awareness and trying to do my part. It is easy to step back and live my life without giving it a second thought since I have been feeling well. That isn’t right. I am lucky to be doing well, but isn’t that more of a reason to advocate for those who can’t? I have absolutely failed in this regard.

This isn’t my “Chronically POTSitive” blog, though. This is the blog that I enjoyed sharing my life on several years ago, and I want to talk about other things I think are important. I will always lead with empathy and know that I’ll make mistakes if I keep writing, but I think that’s a problem right now. People are afraid to talk because opinions are all so very different. We hear the loudest people and the most argumentative people, but many of us have been silenced. We are in an age that doesn’t always like things or people who are different, but I think that’s probably more of a reason it is important to speak up.

I want to talk about women’s self defense because I know more about the world we live in. I can confidently say that every woman reading this knows how it feels to be home alone and wonder what the bump in the night could be. We know what it is like walking to our car alone at night, and are cautious around men because frankly, most of them could overpower us. Now I know what it’s like to be able to defend myself and it is empowering.

While we’re on the subject of women, I’ll be talking about my relationship with my body. To the few men who read this — you can skip these posts. They’re not really for you, and I’m not sure how I feel about you taking a deep dive into what it’s like in this space of my mind. While we’re there, we can chat about what it’s like being in our thirties and all the pressure society puts on us. I cannot attest to the struggles men face (I can think of several, though), and this blog is all about my own feelings. I assure you that if you feel my posts are lacking in any way, another part of the internet will have the content you are looking for.

I’ll be talking more about love, life in my thirties, and what makes a house a home. There might be some true crime sprinkled in here and there, or romance novel-inspired writing. I know many of you started this journey with me to read funny dating stories, but if you’re reading this, you stayed to see my relationship with Robert blossom into a beautiful marriage. This will be very different than Single in the Suburbs, but hopefully we’ll figure out what I will write about together.

To be a good writer you absolutely need to be honest. Something I seem to have forgotten, though, is that to be a good writer, you need to actually write. We’ll see how everything goes this time around, but welcome back to my corner of the internet. I hope you’ll stick around to chat.

2020 Is Behind Us

~ kristalauren ~ 1 Comment

Hi! Who are the ten people who visit this site every day? I was really surprised to see my blog still gets views, despite being super inactive this year.

I’m sitting here with an everything bagel and glass of water, thinking about how fitting it is to have such an unappetizing pair for breakfast. I feel like, as a writer, I should embellish and talk about drinking something more beautiful like a hot cup of coffee — water just doesn’t sound as poetic as the power couple of coffee and a bagel. It’s very 2020 to just be real and not try to make things seem better than they are. This was a very real year, and I have appreciated all the honesty we’ve seen.

2020 has clearly been super weird, with lots of highs and lows. As someone who does have a chronic illness to monitor, I have been conservative with COVID stuff, following the CDC’s guidelines, and embracing *~social distancing~* for what it is. I’ve acquired new hobbies at home, and decided that since cooking and eating go hand in hand, I want to be the best darn cook possible. I even mastered risotto last week, which was a major pain in the butt the first time I tried it.

Let me catch you up to date on where I am now. This year has been busy, despite spending it at home. We sold our house recently, and are full force shopping for a new home. Our dog, Jax, recently had surgery to remove what we now know is a stage 2 low grade mast cell tumor. I seem to have sympathy pains for Jax, as my Eustachian tube is blocked (seriously, tell me how to unclog a blocked Eustachian tube because it is driving me up a wall!) and just won’t go away. Jax has my heart and I would do anything for that pup. I am moving forward now and just doing all the practical things that need to be done for a dog with an issue like this. It’s funny how I can handle my own health problems better than my dog’s, but anyone who has had a pet understands I’m sure.

I turned 30 this year, and despite always saying that I didn’t think 30 seemed old, it feels weird. I can’t write about how I’m a “twentysomething” anymore, and it does feel like a new stage in life. Part of that is probably the nature of laying low this year, though.

2020 was hard, but I am grateful for health of myself and loved ones. Life becomes a lot simpler when you know what it’s like to lose something as basic as your health. It makes it easier to be thankful for little things, and not sweat the small stuff. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, even if it’s still a little ways away, and one day we’re going to remember some of the fonder memories from this year. We’ll remember trying new things to entertain ourselves at home, lots of quality time with a select few loved ones, why it’s important to cherish every moment we have on earth, and finally, that 2020 was the year of figuring out the secret to the perfect banana bread.

I usually do a “word of the year,” along with some small resolutions, but this year I am going to skip doing anything, and continue to take each day as it comes at me. Happy new year, and let’s hope that despite Netflix taking The Office away from us, we can make the most of our circumstances this year. I’m going to go make some coffee now, because it’s all I’ve been able to think about after rambling about my glass of water earlier.

Thursday, Day 22

~ kristalauren ~ 2 Comments

This morning I wrote about how shockingly well I am handling all of this. Tonight, I’m crying about it. I think this is kind of typical of everyone right now.

I’m sick of being stuck inside and am dying to go on a normal date, missing my family and friends, and would love to be able to look forward to the beach this summer — or even just spending some time outside. I am scared for the health and well-being of loved ones and strangers alike. I am dying to go to Trader Joe’s to get my usual favorite snacks, and I don’t want to keep seeing how different life is by watching the news. It all feels like a weird dream. The beginning of this feels so long ago now.

All of this is incredibly confusing. Like, how did we get to a point where people can’t go outside? Anyway, this morning I wrote a much more lighthearted draft, and want to still offer some of that sentiment, even as a comfort to myself right now.

First, I have done the whole quarantine thing before — or at least it felt similar to me. When I first got sick with POTS I could barely sit upright, much less go do my normal activities. I created a new normal that gave me as much joy as I had in my 22 years before getting sick. It wasn’t always easy and I often missed things about having a healthy body, but I was still able to be happy, despite the earth-shattering change. This change was actually even bigger than the pandemic feels because I was so used to being an athlete and out in the world, but literally could not leave the couch or go from floor to floor in the house more than once in a day. Now I at least can stand up to cook, go to the basement to exercise, and play hide and seek with my dog. Lesson one, you can have joy in the face of adversity.

Another thing POTS taught me is that circumstances change. That’s lesson two of learning to deal with a life-shattering change. The first year I was so sick even going to the grocery chore was a difficult to impossible task (read: me lying on the aisle floor until I could stand again without passing out). Over time I was able to run errands. Then I could go out to dinner. Then I worked my way up to doing things like trips with friends or walking around the beautiful city of DC. I still can’t run or anything, but I can walk for an incredibly long time without feeling dizzy, my pain is decreasing astronomically, and I can drive for an hour at a time! I’ve really come a long way. My new normal did keep changing, and I’ve been able to work with it every step of the way. Things change, and even if they’re slower than you’d like, you learn a lot of lessons along the way and can still be joyful.

Finally, the most important thing in life will always be your loved ones. For this I am sure (Insert Nunzio voice here, Robert).

I’ve always known this, but having any kind of health scare definitely changes your outlook. It’s funny because I do definitely think taking things for granted is in our nature. When I was really sick I always thought I would never take little things for granted if I was lucky enough to get better, but sure enough, things like going out on walks with my dog weren’t aren’t appreciated and I haven’t taken advantage of the fact that I can do yoga now. It’s weird being so separated from everyone, and I think this experience will change the way we spend time with others. I hope we are more present and cut more time out of the day to be with people, and take the time out of the year to travel and visit our long distance friends and family.

Anyway, I think we all need to remember that this is going to ultimately be just a blip in our lives if we can all come together and support each other. I pray that we can get things under control sooner rather than later, and that we can all be tough together. I know this isn’t easy, but I feel like it will be similar to my past experience in that we will appreciate more in life, worry less about trivial things, and learn to be joyful through every stage in life. There are a few things I’m incredibly grateful for right now, and I know I’m being looked out for and taken care of, which is really comforting in this strange time. I hope you can find some things you’re thankful for in this transition time, too!

Dying of Boredom?

~ kristalauren ~ 2 Comments

I kind of think the definition of “privilege” is worrying about what we can do to be entertained while being forced to stay inside. Trust me, I know it sucks being cooped up inside when there’s a great big world outside to explore, but it will not kill you to stay inside for a few days, weeks, or however long it takes to get a hold of this situation. There are people who are sick, dying, and in a lot of pain right now. There are people who are losing their jobs and livelihood. If you have a roof over your head, food to eat, and are healthy, you are blessed.

I can offer you a little personal experience about being stuck at home for a long period of time. Six years ago when I got sick with POTS I did not go out at all unless it was to a doctor’s appointment or my daily trip to the gym for my rehab. I tried going on small errands, but always found myself lying on the cold tile floor as I propped my feet in the air to pump blood back to my brain. Having the room spin in circles around me while I frantically tried to stay standing or avoid fainting in front of strangers was not fun, so those trips to the grocery store were cut real short.

I spent well over a year in really bad shape and on the severe spectrum of POTS. Research POTS a little and you’ll find that POTS patients’ quality of life is “comparable to patients on dialysis for kidney failure.” Before all of this I was active and played just about every sport, had a very busy social life, and was working hard to begin climbing the ladder in the journalism world. I hated sleeping in, and could rarely be found just sitting around at home. In 2013, my world flipped upside down and I physically could not do anything because I always felt awful. I very slowly got better and better, and now have added many more normal things back into my routine. I still am not “normal,” but am close enough that I am so happy and grateful for all of the wonderful freedoms I do have.

So, what does any of this have to do with the Coronavirus pandemic?

A lot, actually. I know what it’s like to be stuck at home for a long period of time, but the only difference is that now 1) I do not feel insanely sick literally all the time, and 2) we are all in this together. I remember crying when I looked at my Facebook feed because everyone was out in the world pursuing their dreams, and all I could do was monitor how my health was and celebrate the tiny joys in life. Nobody my age could relate to what I was going through, and I couldn’t participate in anything a normal 22 year old would enjoy. I watched friends go out dancing, get promoted at their jobs, and support themselves like a normal twentysomething. I wanted so badly to be able to function normally and be able to take care of myself the way they all were.

Now, we are all stuck inside, and I feel like you can relate to my 22 year old self in a way. I know you’re not asking for advice, but I’m going to share some of the things that helped me be joyful throughout every stage in my life — even when I couldn’t go out or really “do” anything.

The first piece of advice I have is to surround yourself with loved ones. Not physically this time, though — emotionally. We need to take this “social distancing” stuff seriously. A big reason for this is so that hospitals are able to treat every single person who comes to them — whether or not it’s Coronavirus-related. Italy is moving towards 1,000 deaths/day. We absolutely do not want to get to that point, and by staying home we are helping to flatten the curve so that hospitals can treat people who need help. A good option for keeping in touch with people is FaceTime, Zoom, Skype, or even an old fashioned phone call. The biggest thing I enjoyed when I was home for such a long time was just sitting on the couch and visiting with friends and family. That will look different now, as I am staying home and not seeing anyone new until we have gotten everything under control, but I still look forward to chatting with my friends and family every single day I am stuck at home. Experts are now recommending only interacting with the people you have been at home with, so if you’re lucky enough to have someone at home with you, cherish the time you have with them. If not, utilize technology to the best of your ability to have as much — or as little — company as you’d like. Luckily it is not hard to find someone to talk to during this quarantine.

Second, find something little to look forward to every day. During my POTS recovery time, my favorite thing was watching MasterChef and MasterChef Junior with my family. I loved learning more about cooking and having a steady show to watch. Now that I can stand up again, I love to cook and use some of the techniques I learned from the show in my kitchen. I actually have really fond memories from every stage of my illness, whether or not I could actually get out of the house and do anything.

Third, remember that this is temporary. This is not a luxury I had six years ago. I had some doctors speculate that I might grow out of POTS, and others who told me to get used to my new life. It turns out, there was a little truth to each of those perspectives, but it is best to remain positive and know that things can and will get better. One day all of this isolation will be a weird story to tell, and we will all be able to relate to the giant quarantine. In the meantime, finding little things to make you happy is important. There are lists all over the place of ideas of things to do indoors, and we are smart enough to get creative about this. We also have so much technology that being stuck at home is easier now than it would have been a decade ago. The worst thing to do is always self-pitying or constantly complaining about things we can’t control. We are lucky to be alive and healthy, and have access to so much, even from our living room couches.

The reason I keep talking about POTS is also that being at home with a chronic illness is something I wouldn’t wish upon anyone. I don’t think it’s easy for a healthy person who hasn’t ever had complications to realize just how difficult it is to adjust to having a dysfunctional body. I appreciate the fact that this quarantine hasn’t begun to drive me insane because of my past experience, but I wish everyone else could feel this sense of gratefulness too. All I can do to help is say it will get easier, and any of us who aren’t currently sick can really appreciate the fact that we still feel well while being stuck at home.

I know I ranted a ton in this, but I decided my blogging right now just needs to be a little journal of this time spent at home. Not only does it give me another activity, but it will also be interesting to read back on years from now. I encourage all of you to journal at this time so we don’t ever forget what it was like all being in the same boat during the 2020 quarantine.

Shows to Binge

~ kristalauren ~ 14 Comments

The Internet is going crazy with things to do while quarantined, and now the quarantine seems to be mainly people who feel healthy but are are trying to *flatten the curve* since they could still be carriers. If you have not heard that phrase yet, please read this article on The Washington Post. It’s a really amazing illustration on why it’s important to use social distancing (another phrase that’s blown up this week) until we’ve got a handle on this. Luckily I am finding more people finally taking this seriously now that it’s really blowing up (WHY couldn’t we have done this a week ago?! You live and you learn, I guess).

In the meantime while we are being careful, being inside and away from our normal activities is incredibly difficult! I think back to when I first got sick with POTS and had to spend months finding things to do in a reclined position, and am realizing that it’s pretty ungrateful of me to be complaining about feeling pretty good and just being stuck in my house. As a former queen of television, here is a giant list I compiled of binge-worthy shows. I should note that you should just skip reading this if you’re not into reality TV, crime, or comedies.

NETFLIX

The Office, Comedy
This is a really obvious choice. Whether you’ve seen it a million times like me (It’s the only show I always know

Parks and Recreation, Comedy
If you like The Office, you’ll probably like Parks & Rec. Give it a few episodes. It gets good!

Fuller House, Comedy
I just realized I have not seen the newest season of Fuller House! It wasn’t the best show ever, but I’ll be happy to have something lighthearted to watch. As a side note, if you have Disney+, you should watch Boy Meets World. I never saw it until a few months ago and shockingly think it’s really funny, despite thinking it was going to be a show for kids.

The Stranger, Suspense
The Stranger is such a good show. There are only 8 or 9 episodes out right now, but I thoroughly enjoyed watching it a few weeks ago and 100% regret not saving it for a rainy day like this. If you like all things suspense, you’ll love this thriller.

You, Suspense
You is a little gross and super creepy, especially if you’re a girl who might be afraid of something like online dating. The main character, Joe, is

Love Is Blind, Reality TV
LIB has been super popular on all social media platforms the past several weeks. The idea behind it is simple — you go on the show to try to fall in love with someone you’ve never seen before, then end the show with a new husband or wife. A group of men all live together, and a group of women all live together. They take turns going on “dates” with each other in these little things they fondly call “pods.” A pod is basically a personal living room with a wall that divides the opposite sex’s living room from yours. You speak through the wall and learn about people’s personalities to try to fall in love with someone you’ve never seen before. It’s very interesting, has a decent amount of drama (Which I love), and is super bingeable now that they taped both the finale and reunion. No waiting around to figure out whether each couple ends up with one another!

The Circle, Reality TV
The Circle gave me Big Brother vibes, with a Love Is Blind twist to it. Basically, people are all in the same apartment building but can only chat with each other via a Facebook-type app. They have to vote to eliminate someone every couple of days, and the last (wo)man standing leaves with $100,000. Spoiler alert: your favorite person in this show is going to be Shooby.

Gilmore Girls, Drama
Gilmore Girls is kinda cheesy, but a good show to binge. I’m not going to watch it yet, because I think it will make me miss my mom, but saving it for a later date maybe!

Hart of Dixie, Drama
I watched this show a little with my parents a few years ago and first, I love Rachel Bilson, second, I liked having a lighthearted show that gave me Hallmark vibes to watch. I think this might be one of my next shows.

PRIME

Psych, Comedy with a side of crime and suspense
Psych was a show on USA when I was a teenager and I haven’t seen it in years, but it is one of the funniest shows I’ve seen. I love that they mix suspense along with two of the arguably funniest characters on television. Shawn and Gus are such a great dynamic duo; you’ll fall in love with their goofy, quirky ways. Plus there are a bunch of seasons, all of which are nestled on Prime!

Law & Order, SVU, Crime
Even though it isn’t true crime, some of the episodes were created after famous cases and I think it’s interesting to see how the detectives on the show deal with figuring out crime scenes. The show is heavily criticized by law enforcement, but being a regular civilian I enjoy watching it.

HULU

The Mindy Project, Comedy
PLEASE WATCH THE MINDY PROJECT. I’m telling you; it’s hilarious. If you like The Office and are a female, you’ll love this show. I wasn’t a huge fan of Kelly on The Office, but always loved Mindy Kaling. She has the BEST sense of humor and is so lighthearted and fun.

Nathan for You, Comedy
NFY is one of the funniest shows I’ve ever seen. I haven’t watched it in a few years now, so want to start watching it before I go to bed now. Nathan is super awkward, super goofy, and super funny. He kind of is a mix of Michael Scott and Jim Halpert, but even more extreme. Watch it if you need a good belly laugh.

Seinfeld, Comedy
Wait, Seinfeld is on Hulu?! What?! I always just watch it when it’s on cable, but it would actually be fun to scroll around and find some of my favorite episodes to rewatch. Noted.

The Bachelor, Reality TV
This season of The Bachelor was a little controversial, but overall got decent reviews from viewers I think. Peter was not the best bachelor we’ve seen, and we figure out why in the last few episodes. In my opinion it was the best season we’ve had in years.

Catfish, Reality TV
Guys, I just discovered that Hulu has 7 seasons of Catfish!!! This show is great for a little bit before taking a break to something more lighthearted. I always feel so bad for the people who get tricked online, and sometimes even for those who are pretending to be someone else. It’s fun guessing whether or not someone is real or a catfish, and some of us can even relate to being catfished on a dating app.

90 Day Fiance, Reality TV
Still haven’t watched this, but several people I trust have said I would like it, so I’m excited to see the series on Hulu. From what I understand, people meet each other and have 90 days to get married. I don’t know how or where they meet, and if they’re set up with a bunch of people or just one, but it involves love and reality TV, so I’m all for it. Will report back after binging some!

Keeping Up with The Kardashians, Reality TV
Don’t judge. There are 8 seasons of Keeping Up on Hulu right now, and this is great mindless background noise. Plus, there’s something soothing about the show that is perfect for a pre-bedtime routine.

And finally, I saved the best for last,

ON AN APP

Big Brother Canada, Reality TV
Obsessed with Big Brother in general, and BBCan is basically the same as the US version of the show. Big Brother is the best show to start following right now because if you’re not watching the normal episodes, you are able to still watch the live feeds of the show! I will post a link to the show when I find a good way for anyone to watch it. This season is so good so far; I’m only on the 5th episode, but am eager to catch up!

For those of you who don’t know what Big Brother is, it’s a reality show where the contestants are taped 24/7 and all locked inside the same house. It’s kind of like Survivor, but indoors! The players compete for $500,000, and each week they vote someone out of the house. There are a million different strategies, and it’s a great social experiment. The interesting thing about this season is that none of the players have a clue about the pandemic that’s going on in the outside world. They’ll definitely be shocked when they get out of the house. They’re also the safest right now since nobody new goes in to the house!

That should all last you a few weeks. Add video games and board games to your itinerary and you’ll be good to go! I’ll write more about other things to do later, but let me know if you watch and like any of these shows. Stay healthy and safe. Wash your hands and don’t go out unless necessary!

Working Together

~ kristalauren ~ 2 Comments

I have a Coronavirus post I wrote yesterday, but first I wanted to share a much shorter sentiment today. I am so thankful that so many people are cooperating and trying their best to stay inside and avoid, not only getting the virus, but spreading it to others.

Every flu season since getting sick with POTS I get the flu shot and wash my hands like crazy to avoid unnecessary complications that could come with the flu. It’s always so freaking annoying when you get together with someone who informs you that they’ve been fighting off a fever or cold all week, and you wonder why the heck they didn’t just stay home and not infect everyone else. This Coronavirus is a small taste of what immunocompromised people* deal with every year in trying to stay healthy.

One of the biggest problems in China and Italy is that people who carried the virus kept going out and contaminating the rest of the community. One person who is carrying the virus can do a heck of a lot of damage if you think about how many people each of the people (s)he affected go contaminate too. If we would all just stay at home for two weeks — the incubation period of the virus — wouldn’t it maybe just stop here?

I honestly am not an expert and not pretending to be. I’ve kept up with some updates from my POTS doctor, as well as followed the local news on Coronavirus cases in our area.

I’m used to seeing people be very nonchalant about getting sick because they’ve never been chronically ill before, but this is a new phenomena. People all across the country are quarantining themselves, only going out to get groceries and the apparently hot commodity that is toilet paper. People who are completely healthy young adults are staying in, not just to avoid the virus themselves, but also to avoid spreading it if they are actually carrying it and show no symptoms. This includes celebrities, politicians, athletes, and people who are in the public eye. My Instagram and Facebook feeds are flooded with posts about being locked up at home and canceled plans until we get through this. People are asking for TV shows to binge, games to play with significant others, and treating this like it’s a big snowstorm in which you can’t leave your house for a few weeks. This is absolutely amazing. I really hope we continue to try to fight this pandemic and end it in America. Stay in, get lots of rest, and snuggle up to a pet, loved one, or fluffy blanket to ride this out with the rest of the country. Here’s to hoping and praying for all of the at-risk people, the amazing doctors and nurses who make a million and one sacrifices for each and every one of us, and everyone else, too. ❤

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*The verdict is still out on whether or not Dysautonomia makes me immunocompromised, however POTS patients struggle when they do get sick because our bodies already have a very difficult time finding homeostasis. On a daily basis I try to find the right balance of salt and electrolytes with water so that I’m not constantly dehydrated and battling debilitating headaches that last for days. Ask my husband — when my head hurts I think he has to say something three times to get it to fully process.

I like to write things like this because I also have a bunch of friends now who do have serious chronic illnesses that wouldn’t just cause complications if they got sick — it could be a lot worse. People need to know how their actions affect others, and I don’t think staying in for a few weeks will kill anyone. It could, however, be problematic to those who are at risk.

Pupper Doggo

~ kristalauren ~ 2 Comments

Man, I’m tired. I am having more pain tonight because I’m a huge goof and haven’t taken care of myself the past few days. I’ve been wrapped up in trying to get work done (Have I mentioned on here I have been working from home? I started it in October and it’s been really great) and been slacking on my mobility work. My neck hurts, my shoulders hurt, and the muscles between each of my ribs hurt.

I got POTS over 6 years ago, which means I’ve had chronic pain for most of that time. It’s gotten better and better the more I’ve worked on it and gone to physical therapy, but it’s still freaking weird knowing that if I’m a 2 or a 3 on the pain scale, that one day it will likely spike, even if for a short period of time. I don’t really know what causes all of my flare-ups, but I feel frustrated when I cause them by neglecting taking care of myself. It annoys me that I have to focus on my health so much while still in my 20s, so sometimes I do rebel and take a few days off. I always regret it, but sometimes I just need a break.

One thing always makes me so so happy, though, and that’s dogs! Here are some of my favorite dog pictures from this month. Hopefully they’ll make you smile as much as they do for me.

Here’s my handsome little man at the P-A-R-K.

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I took this picture of Macy right before leaving the house. She was all snuggled up and happy in her PJs, and I always think of her as being my little angel.

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This picture of Jax isn’t by any means “good,” but it cracks me up because I pulled out a bag of pretzels at 2 in the morning a few weeks ago when I wasn’t feeling well. It was hilarious seeing how quick he was to lunge onto the bed to steal some of my snack. He had been sound asleep on the floor until then.

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Luckily, Jax usually sleeps in bed with me when I’m alone. Here is another favorite photo at bedtime. I typically have to shove him to the side a few times in the middle of the night because he likes to hog absolutely everything.

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And here’s a throwback gem to my sweet little angel, Gracie. These pictures all make me so happy. :’)

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October – November

~ kristalauren ~ 6 Comments

Hi! It’s been awhile, but I’ve been pretty busy.

I started my first consistent normal-ish job and am working from home now! I’m doing editing and publishing for a PR company. It’s been really fun, but has also kept me busy, and I still only have a certain amount of time I can spend on a computer without my elbows or neck beginning to hurt. I am making leaps and bounds of progress, though, and am so freaking happy about that! It’s sometimes funny to think about, but I honestly think I’m more thankful for my body now that still is not working the way it should be, than I ever was for my body pre-POTS. Before I got sick I played just about every sport, could run 6 miles no problem, and a half marathon with just a little bit of soreness after. I had a seemingly endless supply of energy and would wake up early, go to bed late, and made time for work and play almost every day. Looking back I don’t know how I didn’t realize how lucky I was. This is just how life works sometimes, though.

I never in a million years thought writing would ever be difficult. Mentally, yes, but physically I should have been able to write for decades before anything became remotely difficult. I have a hard time finding outlets for my feelings sometimes since running has been off the table, and even writing things down can be painful sometimes.

Anyway, I haven’t been able to write for fun very much lately, but there’s not a lot I’ve wanted to share. I’ve become much more private with my life in the past year or two; maybe I’ll explain why one day, but I’m not ready to right now. In the meantime, I am going to get back to my Trader Joe’s Tuesday posts because I have a very deep love for that grocery store. I’ve loved being a stay-at-home dog mom, and think I’ve become a very good cook this year. I figure I share my recipes with my closest friends each week; why not write about it a little too?!

I hope you all had a very nice fall. I’m not doing a very good job coming up with words right now, so I’ll save all of us some time and keep this post short. Have a great Thanksgiving if we don’t talk before then. ❤

Let’s Talk About Anxiety

~ kristalauren ~ 13 Comments

I woke up this morning in a sweat. My heart was racing as I jolted awake from some sort of nightmare. I immediately started thinking about things that make me nervous about the future, and how the heck I’m going to get through it all. My stomach dropped deep down into my abdomen as my heart leapt straight through my chest. Apparently you sometimes can’t even escape anxiety in your dreams.

Anxiety is a cousin of depression. They’re close in the sense they both can be based on fear and uncertainty, but they give two very different feelings. Depression is hollow and dark. It feels like a rainy day in a swamp, with fog as far as the eye can see. You know it’s a wide open space, but you can’t muster up the energy to move around freely. You are curled up in a ball, only vaguely noticing that there is a world around you. I think often with depression, the person in the middle of the fog can really only see a few feet around them and can’t tell that there is light and beauty outside the dark swamp. In fact, there are still beautiful flowers and little glimmers of light while you are there, but they can be difficult to see if you give up and stay curled in your little ball. Rays of light come in the form of good friends, puppies, working out, and helping others. There is always a reason to keep fighting, but everyone understands if you need to take a break for awhile. It is exhausting when you feel like you’re alone and don’t know how to pull yourself up off the ground.

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Anxiety paints a different picture. Instead of being a more introverted feeling, anxiety is the craziest extrovert you’ve ever seen. It is wild and red, and hot to the touch. Anxiety makes you feel claustrophobic in your own body, and creates a strong desire to run away from yourself. With depression, you would rather be able to get back in to your own body and figure out how to find yourself again. Anxiety makes you want to forget everything there is about you and run away to create a new life. You want to turn your brain off to stop thinking about anything and everything and find a way to sleep again, but you can’t take a vacation from your thoughts. Both depression and anxiety can create a pit in your stomach, but they’ve often settled there for entirely different reasons.

I have tiptoed along the line of depression sometimes, but I think having some down days is part of the human experience, so it’s very different than it was being in the darkness I have only been in once before. Anxiety is a much more familiar feeling I let sneak into my heart. It starts by catching the door with its foot, then shoves its way in guns blazing. “You’re not good enough,” “You won’t be able to handle the future,” and, “You can’t do the thing” are all lies anxiety screams as loudly as it can. It makes up elaborate and unlikely stories of what your future is going to look like, but speaks them with confidence and as truth. It’s a lot easier said than done to choose not to believe the lies, as a simple, “just don’t worry about it,” or, “calm down” won’t ease an anxious person’s heart. It is possible to find peace, but takes a lot of swallowing your own pride, accepting help from others, and being gentle with yourself.

Anxiety and depression are both so prevalent in today’s world. I don’t know if the age of social media has caused a rise in mental health issues or we’re just more open about them now, but I’d say more people than not have had a taste of these feelings, even if they haven’t been officially diagnosed with anything. I think we underestimate how not-alone we are in the world and how similar our feelings are to one another.

Talking about anxiety makes me anxious. I still think people are quick to judge, label, and make assumptions about people they don’t know. Despite genuinely believing most people have a good headspace about talking about mental health, I know there is still ignorance and confusion in this space of the world. I know that therapy is still stigmatized, and that people don’t always love and support things they don’t understand. So many people, though, who you would never guess are fighting difficult battles by themselves. Sometimes the most beautiful, smiley rays of sunshine have a darkness that is clouding their heart, and I am so thankful that celebrities and people in the limelight who have platforms are speaking up about their struggles more. Emma Stone, Ryan Reynolds, Mindy Kaling, and Stephen Colbert are all people who live to make others laugh, but struggle with anxiety. Jim Carey, Owen Wilson, Ellen DeGeneres, and Sarah Silverman have all been very open about dealing with depression. It isn’t just comedians who struggle with mental health, though. There is an enormous list of people who range from athletes to astronauts who have been affected by depression or anxiety. Even Abraham Lincoln is thought to have had severe depression and anxiety; they just didn’t have a word for it then.

My purpose in writing this is because I think it’s so important that we realize we are never alone in our thoughts or feelings. People need to be taught from a young age that it’s okay for everything to not be okay sometimes. People should realize that we all have battles we’re fighting, that we can share our struggles with our loved ones, and most of all, to be kind to everyone we meet. I am not “Instafamous,” do not have a large group of followers, or a particularly captivating life to share about, but I want to open my heart to the people who do read this in hopes it makes someone feel less alone. I see you, and care about you. We need you here, and you are important. Please don’t ever forget that.