Taking Note Of Red Flags

Today I want to touch on some red flags for those of you who might be wondering whether or not you’re in the right relationship. Often, odds are if you are wondering and continually have the gut feeling that you aren’t with the right person, you probably aren’t. Here are a few red flags that are often pushed aside or ignored:

  • Your significant other has drastically different priorities than you. For example, he values work much more heavily than relationships, and you think family should be the number one priority. Neither of you are necessarily “wrong,” however it is incredibly difficult to make a relationship like this work in the long run.
  • They always tell you one thing and do another. Actions speak louder than words, and if their behaviors don’t match up to what they’re telling you, move on to someone who stands by their words.

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  • Communication just doesn’t seem to be there. If your significant other doesn’t attempt to learn how to communicate with you, there are a lot of problems ahead for you as a couple. I do think men and women often communicate differently, as do people as individuals. It will take work and effort to learn how to effectively communicate, but if you feel like you never get through to your partner, find someone who can learn to effectively communicate with you.
  • If you feel like you need to post quotes and pictures on social media that will hopefully catch your significant other’s attention and make them think, reevaluate why you can’t bring up these points to him in person. A quote or two here and there are great for inspiration and expressing yourself,  but if he is constantly at the back of your mind when you post things like, “Sometimes you don’t know what you have until it’s gone,” find a relationship where you feel appreciated and cared for.
  • Your partner should make you feel secure. If you consistently feel anxious about the  status of your relationship, reevaluate and ask yourself why. Work on any internal insecurities you might have, and communicate those with your partner. They should be willing and open to working on them with you. Love is patient and kind, and the right person for you will know you’re worth working through hardships with. No marriage is exempt from difficulties, and resilience will be a quality that can withstand the test of time.

If in doubt, make a mental note of the little red flags you notice in a relationship. Ask yourself whether your partner’s actions are something you are willing to live with or not. Yes, people can change and work on themselves, but dating is meant to give you data about someone.* Once you are in a committed marriage I do believe unless there is abuse or cheating it is so important to work on any problems to fix the relationship together, but why start off that relationship on the wrong foot? Any couple is going to have trials, but life and love is so much easier if you are both on the same page on what is important in life from the get-go.

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*One of my next posts is going to be all about how to efficiently collect data about a partner before deciding whether they are marriage material.

Where The Heart Is

You know how they say it takes a little while to adjust being back in your home country after you’ve been away for a significant amount of time? That is what it’s like when your heart comes home from a deployment.

Don’t get me wrong, I am so so so so so so SO (times infinity!) excited to have Robert finally home, but it’s weird as heck! My heart still doesn’t feel completely settled.

Robert has been back for just over 2 weeks now and I haven’t gone a day without seeing him yet. THIS IS FREAKING CRAZY!!!! I haven’t been able to relax, enjoy a relationship, and feel at peace in knowing that my guy will be here for an indefinite amount of time in who knows how long. It’s been years since I have had a relationship like this, and even then I didn’t feel the same way that I do about Robert.

It honestly hasn’t set in yet that I don’t need to cram a million activities into a week because we have as much time as needed to go out together now. I’m not used to the “pop in,” and it hasn’t really registered that we can do dinner in the middle of the week just like I do with my girl friends. I think it will just take a little bit of time for me to realize that this is, in fact, real life, and after 10 long months of waiting my love life is finally going to be normal again.

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This was from a random midweek coffee date!

Today will be our first time not doing some sort of activity together since Robert has been back because we are both feeling a little under the weather. In the past I’ve always been good at juggling friends, my love life, and other priorities, but I’ve also gotten so used to being in long distance relationships that it feels like I need to hurry and do everything while Robert is still around to spend time with. My heart just has to catch up with my mind a little bit more to realize that this is a fresh start to a really cool relationship.

What Should You Do If He Puts Work First?

I’ve had several people talk to me about relationships that weren’t meeting their needs, so I finally decided to answer one of my reader questions on here for everyone to see, as I think this is a really important topic that has been brought up a lot lately.

What should you do if your significant other consistently puts work (or something else) above you?

Honestly, this totally depends on your priorities as well.

This isn’t something that will ever fly with me again because people and relationships are the highest thing on my priority list. I once dated someone who had a pretty demanding work/school life, and our communication had to keep getting cut down significantly as he dove deeper and deeper into his professional goals. Work needs to be a priority in order to survive, but I completely disagreed with his argument that relationships can’t be prioritized above a job. This doesn’t mean that more time has to be invested into a S.O. than in work, but it does mean you are making decisions together and giving quality free time to your partner.

Just because this is the way I feel about the subject, doesn’t mean everyone wants to put their romantic relationship as a very top priority, though. Here’s how this kind of relationship can work. If work is your highest priority right now that’s totally fine! You just have to make sure your significant other is on the same page. Maybe he puts his career first as well so you can both pull late nights without upsetting one another. Or maybe he has other relationships that he can put lots of time into and doesn’t mind sacrificing time with his bae for her work. As long as you know where you stand and are upfront with your priorities, a relationship centered around something other than each other can likely work. I don’t have very much advice beyond this, as I can’t really relate to wanting a career more than meaningful relationships, but I definitely think there are plenty of people in the world who do want this kind of setup.

The advice I can give is that if you are like me and want someone who puts you above other aspects of life that you should pay very close attention to their actions, rather than what they have to say. If your significant other is genuine about his intentions of prioritizing your relationship in his life you will be able to tell.

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Today’s lesson: Actions speak louder than words.

Bonus lesson: there are billions of people in the world. If you’re dating someone who doesn’t meet your basic needs or has different priorities than you do, end the relationship sooner rather than later. You can and will find someone who is a much better match for you!