What Is Micro Cheating?

Apparently this is a new phrase that has been coined because of the dozens of tiny behaviors that some people turn to so that they can still feel loyal, but have fulfillment in one way or another outside their romantic relationship.

Cheating is wrong. Always.

I consider cheating an absolutely unforgivable offense, but I know certain couples can get past it. What about micro cheating, though?

Any kind of serious flirting outside a relationship, having a desire to be physically or emotionally connected with someone who isn’t your partner and forming a special place in your heart for someone else all constitute for micro cheating. Here is an example given from The Skimm, 

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With the rise of social media, there are a million small components that go into relationships. I speculate that one of the reasons divorce is becoming more prominent could be due to riffs with social media and being so connected to the rest of the world. I keep hearing that social media sites are often cited in divorce court, as it gives another place for infidelity and a place for indiscretions to occur. There are endless options of people you can meet online, as well as the perfectly crafted images that come along with them. Whether it’s an irresistibly funny personality or beautifully enhanced photos, there are so many options for wandering minds and eyes to go to when a marriage feels like it’s failing.

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Sadly, I feel like this is only the beginning of using loopholes to seek attention outside a committed relationship. When you start going to outside sources for some sort of fulfillment, you are severely hurting the process to repair the broken pieces of your relationship. Every single couple in the world is going to have some sort of disagreement or problem at one time or another. In fact, the longer you are with someone, the bigger the chance is some sort of issue is going to come up. It’s just a fact of life that people are all unique and going to make different decisions and mistakes. Dealing with them openly and directly with your partner offer opportunities for growth and compromise in a relationship, and can ultimately actually strengthen it.


Relationships are interesting because there isn’t a lot that is completely black and white; a lot of topics are more of a grayscale. There are definitely things that one person may uncomfortable with that others find totally fine in a relationship, and vice versa. What’s most important is that your significant other cares enough to work through every little bump in the road together. If you feel like micro cheating is a part of your relationship, there is still hope to get back on track.

If you are the micro cheater, cut the person you cross the faint little lines with out of your social life. If this person is at work with you, keep things professional and don’t find little reasons to be alone with them. Reevaluate your relationship and ask yourself why you don’t feel fulfilled in the romantic department, and seek couples counseling if necessary. The other alternative is always breaking off the relationship if it isn’t the right one. I actually don’t believe every single person in the world is cut out for a monogamous relationship, and if you fit that category, don’t settle down or get in a relationship. There’s nothing wrong with being single, and you won’t hurt people who’s hearts are built for monogamy.

If your partner is the micro cheater, decide whether or not you are comfortable with the behaviors they exhibit that you thought of when you read this article and make sure you’ve communicated to your partner that you aren’t comfortable with the way they’re treating someone else. Once they’ve been made aware of the problem you should begin to feel more comfortable with the way things are being treated moving forward. They should always make your feelings valid and care about your heart, even if you perceive something wrong. It’s a big red flag if your significant other doesn’t take your concerns seriously. This doesn’t mean they’re cheating per se, but it does mean that they don’t feel like it’s their responsibility to help take care of your heart, and that’s not what a serious partnership is about.

Despite cheating — micro or otherwise — being a pretty prevalent part of today’s society, all hope is not lost. I know my own heart and that I can’t have any of the feelings that I do for Robert for anyone else, and that I would never consider straying from the wonderful partner in crime I’ve committed myself to. This gives me hope for anyone who feels stuck because I know there are other “Krista’s” out there who think the same way as I do. Robert is one of them, as are so many of my friends and family members. Don’t give up your dream of having someone who only has eyes for you just because of one crappy experience. There are people out there who would be so, so excited and lucky to get to love you, and only you, so please don’t settle for anything less than what you deserve. 

Taking Note Of Red Flags

Today I want to touch on some red flags for those of you who might be wondering whether or not you’re in the right relationship. Often, odds are if you are wondering and continually have the gut feeling that you aren’t with the right person, you probably aren’t. Here are a few red flags that are often pushed aside or ignored:

  • Your significant other has drastically different priorities than you. For example, he values work much more heavily than relationships, and you think family should be the number one priority. Neither of you are necessarily “wrong,” however it is incredibly difficult to make a relationship like this work in the long run.
  • They always tell you one thing and do another. Actions speak louder than words, and if their behaviors don’t match up to what they’re telling you, move on to someone who stands by their words.

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  • Communication just doesn’t seem to be there. If your significant other doesn’t attempt to learn how to communicate with you, there are a lot of problems ahead for you as a couple. I do think men and women often communicate differently, as do people as individuals. It will take work and effort to learn how to effectively communicate, but if you feel like you never get through to your partner, find someone who can learn to effectively communicate with you.
  • If you feel like you need to post quotes and pictures on social media that will hopefully catch your significant other’s attention and make them think, reevaluate why you can’t bring up these points to him in person. A quote or two here and there are great for inspiration and expressing yourself,  but if he is constantly at the back of your mind when you post things like, “Sometimes you don’t know what you have until it’s gone,” find a relationship where you feel appreciated and cared for.
  • Your partner should make you feel secure. If you consistently feel anxious about the  status of your relationship, reevaluate and ask yourself why. Work on any internal insecurities you might have, and communicate those with your partner. They should be willing and open to working on them with you. Love is patient and kind, and the right person for you will know you’re worth working through hardships with. No marriage is exempt from difficulties, and resilience will be a quality that can withstand the test of time.

If in doubt, make a mental note of the little red flags you notice in a relationship. Ask yourself whether your partner’s actions are something you are willing to live with or not. Yes, people can change and work on themselves, but dating is meant to give you data about someone.* Once you are in a committed marriage I do believe unless there is abuse or cheating it is so important to work on any problems to fix the relationship together, but why start off that relationship on the wrong foot? Any couple is going to have trials, but life and love is so much easier if you are both on the same page on what is important in life from the get-go.

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*One of my next posts is going to be all about how to efficiently collect data about a partner before deciding whether they are marriage material.

Break Up With Him

I stayed in a relationship that wasn’t meant to be far too long. Deep down I think I somehow knew it wasn’t going to end well — or rather, if we did end up together that we would have a long, rough road ahead of us.

After the smoke cleared I realized that although any relationship will have trials, every single decision doesn’t have to be difficult. Now I am with someone who thinks I’m worth making sacrifices for, and someone who is really excited about having a future with me. I have learned that there are people in this world who are beautifully selfless and know how to love someone with a chronic illness. There are people who are as fiercely loyal as I am, and who won’t give up on a relationship just because things get tough.

Here are a few behaviors that are major red flags in a relationship:

  1. Your significant other puts you down for things you can’t control. In my case this was my illness and the fact that I couldn’t physically work. I was a recent college graduate when I first got sick and had dreams of being an entertainment journalist. I had always been incredibly hard-working, but although I wanted more than anything to work, I physically could not have a normal job with my new chronic health condition. I was constantly told about how it “wasn’t my fault,” but that POTS was the thing keeping us in a rut. If I hadn’t gotten sick, we would be in a much happier place because there wouldn’t have to work through such a new, heavy road block.
  2. Your concerns are always your problem. When someone treats you like you’re crazy because of seemingly normal concerns, it is called “gaslighting.” It’s funny how I never knew what this term was until a few months ago, but if your significant other acts like you wanting some of his time every week is your problem and that you are being needy, this is not normal. Your puppet master will surely turn any conflict in the relationship back on your own insecurities until you really begin questioning whether what you are asking for really is too much (Take note: if what you want seems like a very basic need in a relationship, such as quality time together, it absolutely normal. You are not crazy, and you should get out as fast as you can so that you can find someone who understands the basic fundamentals of a healthy relationship).

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  3. Your well-being is completely your own responsibility. This is a tricky one. Although I do believe people need to be happy by themselves before they can add someone else into the picture, I also believe a significant other should want to take care of you, as you would do the same for them. I’ve always been very independent and balanced my boyfriend/friend time well, but my one of my exes thought that his actions shouldn’t affect the way I felt. He didn’t understand why drunk texting me then disappearing for the night made me upset, and said that the anxiety I felt was entirely on me.
  4. He is not a man of his word. No, it is not okay to leave you hanging for hours on end, and it is not okay to constantly break plans you have together. Yes, things sometimes come up in life that you cannot control, but if you feel like you cannot get excited about future plans with someone because they are unreliable, it’s time to find a person who will remember what they tell you and follow through in their actions.
  5. You no longer recognize yourself when you’re with him. My ex made me anxious, pessimistic, depressed, and short-tempered. None of these are typical “Krista qualities,” and I didn’t like the person I was when we were together. The first 75% of our relationship I was myself. When he decided to change the course of his life drastically,though, and leave our relationship in the background of his life, I became a complete mess. I hadn’t realized how dependent on him I had become and quickly fell apart.

Today’s lesson: Now I am with someone who is kind, patient, and wants to take care of my heart. My boyfriend wants to spend time with me, take me out, give me little gifts “just because,” and remind me that I’m special. If you let go of what is hurting you in life, you make room for new things that are better. It’s really, really scary to let go of something that is familiar and comfortable, but if you are brave enough to, you might just learn how strong you really are.

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