That’s Not Really My Style

I’ve never been the “cool girl.” People have considered me funny, or sweet, or thoughtful, but never cool. That’s never been a big priority to me, and my personality definitely isn’t someone who can just be “one of the guys.” I hate beer, I don’t know a lot about professional sports teams (Should I have said “Pro Sports” instead?), I feel uncomfortable when guys curse a lot around me, and I’m a bit too delicate to be really roughhoused with.

Soon after my breakup I got a message from a guy I’ve always thought was kind of cool. I had a crush on him back in undergrad, but I was too young — and at the time not confident enough — for a guy like him to really notice me. He had always been kind, but never interested. Back then I figured it was because he dated girls who were much “cooler” than me. He was probably into some of the other athletes and people who could keep up with him better than I could. After all, I liked playing sports and working out on a regular basis, but was no super-athlete. I was a little nerdy and loved spending my free time writing and playing Super Smash Brothers or board games with my friends (I guess some things never change!).

Anyway, I was more than a little taken off guard when I heard from him years later. I hadn’t thought of him in such a long time that I didn’t quite know what to think. We ended up meeting up and he was more handsome than I remembered. I was excited to find that I could, in fact, have mini butterflies around someone new. I was, per usual, slightly awkward, but this has become part of what I like to call “the Krista charm.” I honestly believe some guys just like it because it is authentically me. The best dating advice I could ever give is to always be yourself. The right people will absolutely love you for it.

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This is what I look like trying to be flirty or charming. A teenie bopper with gum stuck in her hair — cute!

I don’t think this particular gentleman was charmed by me. I’m pretty sure he wasn’t repulsed or anything — I guess I’ll never know — but I was definitely disappointed when we had such a great time the night before and he didn’t seem interested in getting to know me further. So this was what rejection felt like. I had never really experienced it in such an obvious way by a guy before and my ex didn’t count because we had so many reasons to break up. This was just meeting someone I was kind of into who didn’t like me back.

Rejection is a part of life. Since I’ve started dating again I’ve been rejected, and I’ve rejected a handful of guys. It never feels good to put yourself out there and be turned down, but when you learn to love yourself you realize that it’s nothing personal — you just didn’t click in a romantic way with someone. There are so many other fish in the sea, and getting another “no” out of the way is one step closer to finding someone who will love you to your core and appreciate you for the amazing human being you are.

Today’s lesson: If someone turns you down pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and try again. Dating is essentially a numbers game — the more people you meet the more likely one of them is going to click! Don’t get discouraged and never let someone make you feel like you are not worthy of true love — YOU ARE.

You Are Wonderfully Made

People’s reactions to my last post inspired me to talk about something that I think is very important.

Your “success” in the dating world does not define your worth.

Your dating life might vary vastly than many of your friends, but one thing is certain:

The inability of someone else to recognize your value does not mean it’s not there. We all have such uniquely beautiful and wonderful things to add to the world, and I think individuals have the ability to make a positive difference in the lives of others.

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I was really surprised to get messages from people trying to console me or make the guy who turned me down sound like a jerk. He just wasn’t into me. Honestly, it’s not a big deal and really doesn’t reflect anything on his or my character. Most people you meet won’t be a love connection and that is perfectly fine. There are plenty of other fish in the sea, and my hope is that there is just one very special person who will work out for the long run.

I hope everyone realizes that each and every one of you has value greater than your weight in gold. I genuinely believe this, and don’t want you to think you did something that just didn’t measure up for someone if they don’t reciprocate your feelings for them. They just aren’t right for you. You deserve someone who loves and appreciates all that you have to offer!

Today’s lesson: No matter how amazing you are, not everyone is going to want to date or be friends with you. That makes the people you are close to in your life even more special!

Ghosting Isn’t Very Friendly, Casper.

I have a theory about ghosting.

I don’t think something has to go horribly wrong for someone to get ghosted. I think it’s usually a small, insignificant reason that has nothing to do with the ghosted individual.

I’ve decided to test my theory and put myself out there to try to find out the reason so many twentysomethings just stop getting texts after one, or even several, dates.

Here is what I sent to the first guy who has ever truly ghosted me. Feel free to offer constructive criticism, as I am planning on sending this sort of text to other men who ghost me in the future. Each date is so different that I will probably get a wide range of answers (from anyone brave enough to reply), and will keep y’all posted on what I find out.

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Most of my friends don’t think he’s going to reply. I think he will. What are your thoughts?