Date Smarter, Not Harder

Dating is something I would definitely say I was super-good at. I’m not the best mathematician, I am terrible at remembering everything I learned in history class, and I don’t know anything about camping or surviving in the wilderness, but I’m really good with people and feelings.

Just because you’re great at feeling things and reading others, though, doesn’t mean dating will be easy. There are a million different things that go into this process, some of which is circumstantial and just plain luck. A big part of dating is being able to control your emotions and think logically. When you can sync your heart to your brain and make them work together, you become so incredibly efficient in weeding out the people who aren’t right for you while keeping around someone who might be a good fit to be your forever and always.

Getting into a healthy relationship is so much easier if you have the right tools and cut out the bad habits that are holding you back from meeting people. So if you feel like you’ve had a hard time dating and letting go of crush after crush, I am going to give you a little dose of tough love and list a few behaviors to give up for 2018.

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  1. Realize that most people are not the exception to the rule. Sure, sometimes a bad boy can make for a great husband, the guy who plays hard to get can be a good catch, or the one who ghosted you on Bumble only to message you five weeks later on OK Cupid actually did just make a little mistake, but for the most part you can take things at face value and trust your gut. Stop trying to force things or make a crummy situation less painful by telling yourself stories that justify bad behavior. There are too many fish in the sea to pardon the ones who aren’t swimming in the same direction as you!
  2. Cut out the commitmentphobes. If you’ve been “talking to someone” for months with no signs of settling down, stop waiting for them to change their mind about the status of your relationship. A guy will know if he likes you pretty soon after y’all have started dating and if he doesn’t see what a great catch you are it’s his loss. Don’t try to show him what he’s missing out on or try to create scenarios where he’ll begin to fall for you. Your time is absolutely valuable, so move on to find someone who will recognize your worth without even trying.
  3. Stop chasing after indecisive guys. If you’ve been seeing someone for a little bit and he is still conflicted about how he feels about you versus another prospect, make up his mind for him and let the other girl have him. You do not want to be with someone who can’t see your worth, and it’s not your job to make him miss you once you’re gone. Block him everywhere and get excited about eventually meeting a guy who only has eyes for you and can’t wait to try to steal your heart.
  4. Don’t settle for behaviors that don’t show you respect. Yuck! People who aren’t respectful of other humans make me feel sick. If he pressures you physically, exhibits any signs of emotional or physical abuse, or throws cruel words at you, get rid of him. I hate hearing people say that gentleman don’t still exist because they absolutely do. Look for role models in your family or friend circles and remind yourself of them when you’re feeling a little defeated in the dating world. Even though these are all platonic examples, they will be great partners for another girl one day, which means there are people out there for you, too.
  5. Steer clear of people who don’t have the same values as you. If you want to date someone who is the same religion as you, wants the same kind of family, and prioritizes the same important things in life, don’t date the guy who is a polar opposite. This is wasting time on both ends of the relationship and will only end in heartbreak. Unless he changes his views — which is unlikely (see #1) — your heart will either be crushed by a breakup or a deep sadness in the relationship. It’s worth holding out for someone who will be your partner in the important parts of life.

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If you give up these five little destructive thought processes I promise your dating life will become much more bearable and efficient. Getting rid of duds seems tough in theory, but when you know what you’re looking for it becomes quite a bit easier. I always like having logical and practical actions to follow in the dating world because it can be really easy to let your heart take over and run away with your brain. By having a certain standard set for yourself, you eliminate some of the unnecessary heartache that comes along with dating the wrong guy. This may not be the most romantic blog post in the world, but it is so, so important and is definitely some of the best advice I’ve given on here. Let me know what your biggest dating frustrations or victories are, and I’d love to write more about that in my next post!

Does He Care For You?

Did anyone else listen to Dr. Laura growing up?

My mom and I would turn her on in the morning, and she’s all about the “tough love” approach, and tries to help young women realize their worth. Something she used to say to callers stuck with me.

She used to always tell women that they should not marry a man who wouldn’t “swim through shark-infested waters to bring her lemonade.” Though this example is extreme, I remember questioning things with an ex boyfriend of mine who didn’t seem to care about what I wanted — even with the little simple things in life. I particularly remember thinking of this quote when I lived in the city and I had this gentleman come visit. I was bummed because I had been PMSing, and I really wanted an Insomnia cookie. Now, this situation is dire even if you are just a regular person craving the best cookie in the world, but during “that time of the month” you won’t stop thinking about it until you have one… Or ten. Girls, you can relate, right?!

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Anyway, the bakery was six blocks from my apartment and we were walking there on a chilly winter night. After about three blocks, my suitor said he was cold and wanted to turn around. He decided it wasn’t a good night to go, as we would have to double our walk home. I was bundled up and though I was cold, I was just happy that we were together and getting out of the house. I playfully suggested we just finish the trip, but he was insistent — and I was a pushover. We turned around and although I didn’t really care about the cookie anymore, I did care about the way my boyfriend had been treating me lately. He wasn’t attentive and though he was fine inconveniencing me, it was never alright for me to do the same in our relationship. Things weren’t even.


I have no doubt that Robert would do whatever it takes to get me what I need in life. Part of me even thinks that he’s someone who would actually swim with sharks if it meant making me happy, but I don’t plan on ever testing that theory. The point being, I encourage you to find someone who cares about your desires — big and small! Maybe it’s my experience with a chronic illness, but I do want to be with someone who will take good care of me. I want to be with a man who doesn’t just do the minimum amount of work he needs to in order to make the relationship work, but instead I’d like to be with someone who enjoys seeing me happy and doesn’t feel like doing kind things in our relationship is always a big chore.

Today’s lesson: Be with someone who knows what sacrifice looks like and is willing to make them for you sometimes. You are absolutely not being unrealistic in thinking that you can find someone who will give in the same way you will in a relationship.