Whoo boy am I furious. I don’t actually remember the last time I have said something like that. When was the last time I was furious? I honestly don’t even know.
So let me set the scene.
There’s a guy in the area I’ve been going out with for awhile now.* I went over to play chess with him (Seriously, what is my life? I am beginning to accept the “nerd” label my dates have bestowed upon me) and we got to revisiting some about what our relationship looks like. After telling me things like he liked that I was a wholesome and sweet girl and that he wasn’t sure he could still just be friends, I reiterated I didn’t want to date, but would respect whatever he wanted to do from that point forward. He admitted that I have been very open about my intentions and that he appreciated the honesty, but that his feelings had changed.
We then started talking more about why we work better as friends anyway, his main reason being that we don’t have a lot in common when it comes to activities — fair enough — that, in my opinion, is a great reason to not want to date someone. You need to be able to enjoy going out with one another and bonding over activities.
What he said next, though, completely caught me off guard. This is the way the conversation went:
“Well, I don’t want to sound like a douche…”
“What is it?” I asked.
“Well, I don’t want to be a jerk…”
I sat silently waiting for an explanation, as I wasn’t sure what he could be thinking.
“But maybe we should just put everything on hold until you’re better…”
I was floored.
Was he talking about my POTS? My chronic illness that he has known about for months now? I sat on my armchair, looking at him as he casually reclined on the couch.
After processing everything he had just said, I realized that was exactly what he was talking about.
Oh. My. Gosh. You sure meant it when you said you would sound like a douche!
Honestly, I totally get it if someone doesn’t want to date me because of POTS. I do believe we all have our own flaws we bring to a relationship, but mine is more confusing than most, and I will never fault someone for wanting something simpler.
But here’s why I think this statement is unbelievably jerky.
He essentially thinks I should work my ass off and shed blood, sweat, and tears (All literally) until I am all better, and then when that day comes this guy — who left me — can have me in all of my fixed glory? Hell no.
I stared at him blankly until I could come up with the right response to what he just said. I chose my words carefully, as I knew at this point I just wanted to leave and we had absolutely nothing to figure out.
“Okay. That makes this decision really easy now,” I said. “We’re all done here, and I’m going to get going.”
I grabbed my shoes as he said, “I think you’re really mad right now. I think I made you mad.” No shit, Sherlock.
I gathered my things in silence as I marched to the door, knowing fully I would not be coming back.
I honestly didn’t know how to react in a situation like that, but I felt like Beyonce and Taylor were cheering me on as I grabbed my things and left. I can do better than a guy who is going to tell me I’m not good enough for him right now and have the nerve to ask me to come back again later once I’m all fixed. It felt really good standing up for myself and realizing just how much I have grown. It also didn’t hurt that I had smoked him in chess in the very last game we would ever play together. 😉
Do you agree or disagree with my opinion of what this gentleman said to me? Feel free to let me know in the comments!
*Please don’t make assumptions of who it is, as I am dating around right now.