Hooking Up Is Easy

Dating is easy, hooking up is easier.

In a world that finds sex before it looks for love, we find ourselves settling for mediocracy. I can’t tell you how many young women I have spoken to who feel broken and confused from the dating world. They have tried desperately to find “the one,” but keep getting chewed up and spit out by the vicious cycle that is the hookup culture.

Neither men nor women are solely to blame for what dating has become. We have both played an integral role in shaping this new reality. If you want to have sex, you can download an app. Maybe the first few matches won’t oblige, but there are endless possibilities of people who are looking for the same casual encounters.

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Something that bothers me is the way people don’t have to work for intimacy anymore — at all. You can find someone you’re attracted to and swipe right. If you have a match who is on there for the same reasons, you have a near immediate hookup. People don’t have to court each other or even know each other to use each other to have a few minutes of pleasure. Our generation has been conditioned to want things quickly and with ease. When it comes to sex, we have both of those things. Whether it’s at the tip of our fingertips with porn or a “dating” app, this generation knows that sex is accessible for anyone at any given time.

You know what sucks about all of this? Something that is common and easy to get isn’t special. 

Sex isn’t special anymore because our virginity isn’t something that’s cool to hold onto, and because we’re taught that watching men and women have an intimate moment on a computer screen is normal and okay. We are taught from movies that even the goofiest of comedians who make a living on playing “social outcasts” on the big screen can get in bed with a sultry actress. Instead of alluding to the fact that couples have slept together, we watch it all play out on screen. We watch drunken hookups, naked women prance around the bedroom playfully, and lots and lots of casual sex.

When did this kind of media become the norm? Why does something with a story line as incredible as Game of Thrones feel the need to fill it’s airtime with nudity and excessive sex scenes? Like I’ve said before — it’s because sex sells. People lust over the flawless bodies they see on screen and are desensitized to this being an intimate, special act. Instead of sex being saved for someone you really care about, it’s thought of as a purely physical act of making both parties “feel good” temporarily.

Having sex so available in the world hurts real life relationships. Instead of seeing your partner for how perfectly imperfect she is and having eyes and a heart only for her, other bodies are tossed around like confetti. They are stuck under the glow of faux candlelight, flaunted in front of a captive audience, and teach that it’s okay to look and lust, just not touch.

I strongly believe your body is your own, and you should be able to do what you want with it. I’m not buying the bullshit that casual sex isn’t hurting the greater population, though. I think it leaves us brokenhearted, confused, and hurt more than anything. Casual sex might not be something that you think hurts you until it’s already affected your life. Whether you meet someone you love more than anything and wish you hadn’t given so much of your own body to others before, or you realize that sleeping with someone didn’t fix the problems in the bond you have with someone, regret is often a symptom that comes with casual sex.

I want to encourage you to make decisions for yourself. Don’t buy in to the fact that “everyone” is hooking up, don’t listen to the man who tells you that if you were into him you would want to give him pleasure, and hold tight to your own morals — even if everyone around you appears to be doing the same things. It isn’t easy living differently in such a sex-saturated world. I promise you, though, at the end of the day you will never regret not having a casual encounter with someone, whereas the regret that can come after a hookup can be life-changing. Our hearts are built for love, they’re created to attach, and it’s normal to want to have a personal connection with the person you’re sleeping with. Don’t let society tell you that you’re weird for wanting these things. Sex is such a beautiful thing, but if it’s given away at every fleeting desire, it becomes something that, by definition, isn’t special anymore. How different would life be if we thought more about the really incredible person we are going to end up with, rather than giving in to the temporary desires of our bodies? What would the world be like if instead of saying its “just” sex, we taught the next generation that it’s actually an incredibly intimate and special action that should and does have feelings attached to it? I might be in the minority, but this is something I think we should start teaching our children and encouraging in our peers. Sex is a special thing, and you aren’t wrong in saving it for someone who means something to you.

A Very Sleepy Friday

I’ve been really tired the past week or so. I think part of it is because I haven’t gotten my B12 shot in two weeks and I’m supposed to get them every single Friday. Whoops!

Having a chronic illness is exhausting in itself, but remembering to do everything to keep myself up and running is also a full-time job. I try to keep writing for my blog on a regular basis too, but life sometimes gets in the way.

I have, however, kept up with my Instagram account! I’ve been doing the “30 days of thankfulness” challenge, which has been pretty entertaining. It’s sometimes hard to come up with an idea and a picture. Today I decided to be a little silly but share a message that’s close to my heart. Being a teenager is one of the hardest things we do in life. You really could not pay me enough to be that age again.

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I think it’s important to share some of the things we’ve learned with people who maybe are still trying to figure things out. Whether that’s sharing your story of a struggle you’ve gone through or talking about how you became successful about something, we can all learn something new from one another. I think that’s one of the coolest things about life; everyone has their own neat little story and you can always find something new to take away from a conversation.

Anyway, this is my little ramble of the day because I wasn’t really feeling any of the drafts I have saved and I’m not in the mood to write about anything super-feelingsy today. Can this just be an acceptable post since this is, after all, a lifestyle blog?

Letters To My Seventeen-Year-Old Self: Be Confident With Your Crush!

As I mentioned before, I am doing a segment for teens now by writing letters to my seventeen-year-old self. This week I wanted to focus on one of my favorite subjects — dating! This definitely would not have been a favorite of mine in high school, though, as it was actually very nonexistent.


Dear Krista,

I know all about the crush you have on that guy on the swim team. Yes, you were spot-on that he is a kind and good person, but he isn’t too good for you. Always remember that we all have our own strengths. You don’t believe that you are better than anyone, but no one is better than you either. We can’t compare apples to oranges and everyone has their own beautifully unique gifts and talents to offer the world. Stop being shy and pretending to text your friends when you would rather talk to talk to him instead. You’ll both be gone from this town one day and moving on with your lives. He’ll find someone great, but so will you.

Maybe you just aren’t meant to have a high school sweetheart, but just making a new friend shouldn’t be such a frightening thought. You will date plenty of guys when you’re ready (Trust me; you’d laugh if you knew one day you’d have a dating blog and are actually exceptionally good at navigating through the dating world). Stop trying to push yourself to grow up. Keep enjoying the free time you get to have fun with your friends and be silly; life comes at you fast, and one day you’ll have fond memories of being young and carefree.

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You’ll have your heart broken by your first love one day, and you’ll break plenty of hearts too. Just because you are a late bloomer doesn’t mean you’ll never find love. You’ll find it a few times and in different ways. Some people will love you for superficial things, others will love you for your personality, and you’ll get lucky and meet a few people who love you for your soul. Each love is great and special in its own way, but you only need one to stick. Who you choose to love last is the most important, and one day he’ll be the only one of the string of boys who really matters. Love deeply, love fearlessly, and most of all, learn to love yourself. No matter what happens with the guys you date you are the one person who will be there for the rest of your life.

Love,
25-year-old Krista

Letters To My Seventeen-Year-Old Self: Being Different Is Cool

Before I got sick I was hoping to move to New York City to turn my internship at Seventeen magazine into a full time job. Working at Seventeen was a dream job for me, as I absolutely love to write and feel like it is my calling to somehow share my experiences with teen girls in particular.

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This was my favorite cover we worked on during my time at Seventeen.

I think a big influence for this was my own high school experience. Looking back I realize how wildly insecure everyone was, and I remember struggling with my own image in so many different ways when I was that young. I have noticed my following with teenagers really growing lately, so I decided to start a new throwback segment dedicated to teens all about the advice I would give to seventeen-year-old me if I could go back in time.


Dear Krista,

I know you don’t particularly love high school and that you don’t feel like you fit in. You often feel invisible and like your presence doesn’t add anything to your school. Hang in there. High school hardly lasts forever; in fact, the 4 years you’ll spend there will seem so minuscule in the grand scheme of things. Despite what your best friend says, you’ll never regret not going to prom or missing a football game because you’d rather stay in and watch Netflix by yourself — and no, that doesn’t make you lame.

Now that I’m 25 and ten years (!!!) removed from my first year of high school, here are a few things I’ve learned.

The popular crowd doesn’t have it all figured out. I know they all seem like they’re having the time of their lives — some of them might be — but high school parties won’t play a role in the rest of your life. Most people don’t peak in high school, and that’s a good thing. You’ll have so much more to look forward to in life and won’t feel stuck wishing you could come back to this moment. Furthermore, high school popularity doesn’t translate to anything in the real world. Some of the popular kids will do amazing things with their lives, but others will feel lost and unsure of what their purpose in life is long after graduating. Stay true to yourself whether or not your peers love you for it. In the grand scheme of things, different is cool. Being different is what will help you get some kickass internships in college, and it is how you will learn to be content with your life even through the curve balls it throws at you.

You are young and innocent. No, not everyone has your best interest at heart, and there are plenty of people making decisions you never would have even known existed at your school. It’s okay that everyone tells you you’re “cute” instead of “hot,” and don’t feel bad when people whisper about things around you to preserve your innocence. Lots of people lose this far too early and can’t go back. You’ll make a few in your lifetime, but the most important thing is that you will learn from your mistakes. One day you might just write about them too, in order to save others from the heartache that you have been through.

In the meantime, have fun. Don’t worry about fitting in; keep prank calling Toys R’ Us asking for goofy violent Care Bear movies that don’t exist, dancing through the aisles in Walmart and laughing at people’s reactions, and TPing your best friends little sister at sleepovers. These are memories that you will cherish for years to come. Being cool is overrated, instead just be you.

Love,
Your 25-year-old self (Who, by the way, is still figuring out the way this thing called life works… I’m beginning to think adults don’t always know what the “right” thing to do is either)