I’d Say It’s Fall Right Now

Have you ever heard that life comes at you in seasons?

This is comforting, as anytime you are stuck in a “winter” you know spring is right around the corner and that things will have to get better soon enough.

I was lying in bed last night feeling a little bit lonely. I was thinking about how nice it would be to have someone to snuggle up to and just fall asleep with.

Once I thought about it a little more, though, I realized the next few years (Or however long it will take me to date, and then get married to my future Mr. Right) are the only ones I’ll have left as a single lady. Even being exclusive with someone is completely different than being married. I’ve already decided that I don’t want to live with anyone until after my wedding, so I’ll essentially be living up to my “Single in The Suburbs” title until that day.

This is the only time I’ll get to spend every evening at home with my entire family and have my own room. This is kind of the beginning of the end of the first major stage of my life.

Thinking about my life in this way makes my loneliness subside and makes me want to appreciate every day I have left here. Don’t get me wrong; I’m still so incredibly excited for the day I realize I’m spending the rest of my life with someone, but I also cherish the present time I have with my friends and family. Right now I don’t have anyone I need to plan my schedule around, I can easily make plans with friends on a whim, and I can go to bed as early or as late as I want without worrying about another body in my bed.

Life isn’t about just making it through the more difficult seasons; it’s about learning from them and choosing to put on a coat and gloves when it’s winter and brave the cold to still get the most out of your days on this earth.

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Today’s lesson: Having chronic widespread pain has made it really difficult to see the bright side of things sometimes, especially when I’m having a particularly bad day. Even just looking at my little puppy and seeing how she depends on me makes me realize that I have a beautiful purpose for my life, though, and that hopefully one day I can use my pain and suffering to glorify God.

He Was A Runner

The crisp weather signifying the end of winter reminds me of him.

The fall before I got sick we trained for my half marathon together. We would run for hours or meet at the campus dining hall after a long run. He encouraged me and pushed me to do better. If it hadn’t been for his love of the sportĀ I’m not sure that I would have found my new love of distance running.

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It was a way to quiet my mind and enjoy the peace that nature had to offer. Nothing could touch me as I ran for hours.

Little did I know this would be one of the last times we ran together. Later I would find myself chasing someone who didn’t want to be caught — he couldn’t be caught. His heart belonged to himself and didn’t have room for another.

Chasing someone is exhausting, especially after you do it long enough. You can be the strongest person in the world, but you will eventually become emotionally drained.

Find someone you don’t have to chase. Be with someone who wants to hold your hand and walk through life with you. Someone who will stop to smell the roses and enjoy the beautiful scenery life has to offer.

Let him run alone if that’s what makes his heart beat fast. I will be with the man who’s heart races for me instead.