Krista Lauren

I miss my grandma. Big life events and changes can do that. We used to talk almost every day; she would have been so much fun to gush about the baby with.

I’ve written a lot that I haven’t published yet. One thing I wrote is that I think people need to talk out loud to loved ones who passed away. I don’t know much about death, but I am a Christian and fully believe in an afterlife. I think when people become angels that they can come visit us some. I do not think, though, that they are mind readers. I can pray to God in my head, but my grandma doesn’t know when I’m thinking of her. For this reason, I think we should speak to loved ones who passed out loud some. Maybe there’s an “angel television” where they see little replays of relevant snippets of life on earth. Or maybe they come to visit somehow and can hear us talking.

This is why I sometimes talk to the angel version of my grandma. I told her the other day that I miss her and wish we could talk. Later that day, I saw a great blue heron in our neighborhood. This was my first time seeing a bird of this size. My grandmother loved birds and I always say she sends them to us sometimes.

The very next day we found that a nest with eggs in our yard had hatched. I think Mommie Chris knows I’m having a baby, and I think she’s really happy.

It might sound silly, but these little birds are giving me a small taste of what it will be like to be a mom. I worry about them a lot. I want to protect them and keep them safe. Their nest is in an upsetting spot — on the ground under our deck — but all we can really do is watch and pray for the best outcome for these little buddies. We check on them from afar often, and are on high alert all day in case we hear any commotion outside. I think that’s all we can do right now, along with praying for them.

I’ll write more updates as we go. It is 3:30 in the morning, and I cannot sleep. This has been life for me lately. Pregnancy insomnia is very real — and also a strange phenomenon, as you would think my body should be trying to rest up right now. Nope! Six months in and I’m sleeping worse than ever.

I’m going to try to sleep now. My mind has been running marathons lately, but I feel comforted that all the special people in my life are here for me — or at least watching — during this really wild, beautiful stage.