Krista Lauren

I am wiped out! Yet still cannot sleep.

When I first got pregnant and started feeling the beginning signs of exhaustion, a friend told me, “Well that makes sense! You might be growing another pair of kidneys today, or another heart.” Your body does not stop working while pregnant, even if it doesn’t look like you’re doing anything.

I have had a different last few months than usual. I have felt less social and not been super active about making plans. Some of this is due to being tired, the other part may be because of the insane heat. I also feel like I have seven million doctor’s appointments again. POTS prepared me well for this, and I will say, it has been a lot easier being pregnant 1) because even though I feel sick some (and it’s exasperated my POTS), it’s not the worst thing I’ve been through, physically, and 2) I get something really special from being pregnant. There is a reward at the end of all of this.

I remember a friend who was in medical school explaining to me that although childbirth is incredibly painful, women often forget about much of this because there is a sweet baby at the end of all of it. There isn’t a reward — or sometimes even an end date — to chronic pain due to an illness, like there is to pregnancy. So while I am struggling somewhat, I am overall still very happy.

One day I want to talk more about the very silent strength people with chronic health issues often have. But tonight, I need to lie awake in bed, cramp, and feel my baby’s wake and sleep cycles for hours until I, myself, can fall asleep. It is time to continue my tossing and turning. I am training for something big, I must focus!