Childbirth stuff is starting to hit me hard. I am sitting in Baby’s nursery right now just thinking about things and I do not feel calm or at peace. I just feel anxious and afraid. I know it’s all very normal, but it’s weird because my whole pregnancy I’ve felt good mentally. I just rolled with the punches, but now even my very laidback birth plan has become hijacked and I feel a little uneasy.
I wanted to just go into labor, go to the hospital, and get an epidural. I fully believed this would happen at the countdown that all my apps celebrated with me every week.
Now there is a chance Baby will come early and not brought on by natural labor. I also don’t want to go into labor this week but I suppose it happens at 38 weeks. I’m not ready, I haven’t packed my bag or taken my baby class. I am having a lot of Braxton Hicks now that hurt, but supposedly pale in comparison to labor. I want Baby to be healthy and happy and I want to feel like life will be easy again after he is born, but I’m afraid it will be harder. My hormones are really hitting me and I am scared of postpartum depression. I know it’s common and normal, but I don’t want to have to deal with anything difficult, I just want to fully enjoy Baby.
Anyway, I know my writing has been odd lately, but I cannot really hold a laptop because of my belly, so I blog on my phone. I will write an update when I have one. I just am having a night.
But I love you, Baby, and I am so incredibly excited to meet you out here. You are already my little love, and I’m going to do the best I can to be a great mom. ❤️
Krista Lauren 
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