Krista Lauren

The past 5.9ish months have been a whirlwind. I’ve written when I can, and just found a post I had done in the thick of the newborn stage. As a Mother’s Day treat, enjoy this little blurb of a much more chaotic Joey. Here is a small peek into my brain a few months ago.

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“1, 2, 3, 4 Splenda’s in your coffee, Stanley…”

I am in the nursery, rocking Joey back to sleep. Well, stand-rocking. Kind of twirling my hips and gently bouncing, which is a technique that seems to be productive at getting a burp or two while lulling him to sleep.

It can be hard to stand in the dark for 20 minutes without a phone or anything to really “do” after feeding your baby. Imagine what my grandparents’ generation must think about a statement like this. I am complaining about no electronics for 20 minutes. Also, though, our baby is colicky, so the middle of the night feeding for him is much appreciated. Very little drama in a 20 minute stand after feeding!

It’s kind of crazy that I don’t wonder about things like the JonBennet case anymore. Will I ever subscribe to true crime again?

I do not know. My whole world changed when I had Joey. I can’t handle a lot of this now. I also don’t have the time for it. I’m almost always with our son, and we listen to Moana and Frozen on repeat in this house! I tell people to get AirPods if they have a baby so they can listen to him with one ear while enjoying a podcast with the other. Do as I say, not as I do. I do not even own a pair of earbuds.

Okay, why the hell did they put a light on my nursery chair? The Babyletto Kiwi is supposed to be a top chair to have in the nursery but it’s a freaking nightlight. I don’t want a nightlight. We don’t need a nightlight. I should have gotten the manual one, but no. Everyone said, “You need a power rocker for postpartum.” “You’ll love the power rocker.” “You HAVE to have the power rocker!!”

Well what about a few months post-postpartum? What about when your baby stares at you in the middle of the night and tries to get you to smile back? Ugh, okay, it is cute, but we don’t aim for cute in the dead of night! We all need sleep.

Don’t you dare sneeze.

Did you know that it is possible to hold in a sneeze? Whoever said it’s not is a liar, and clearly didn’t have a newborn. In a world where your sleep depends on it, you can suck in a sneeze.

Is he asleep?

This is it. My time to shine. It’s time for the crib transfer; this can make or break my night. I need to stick the landing so I can go pump and then get some sleep.

7/10.

I think I got it, but my elbows clicked when I bent to put him down, and I wasn’t as smooth as I could have been. Certainly not bad by any means, but he was stirring a little when I left.

I watch the monitor, hopeful to see a sleeping Joey. He stirs, he wiggles, then he relaxes.

“Free at last, free at last!”

Now I can pump and go to bed. At least Instagram can keep me company now.

ACHOOOOO!

I guess maybe you can’t hold in a sneeze. You can just delay it.