I told you all I was going to be very open about my journey with God on this, but I haven’t had much to write about lately. I hadn’t thought too much about things and then got a little spooked about writing about the doubts and concerns I have on here. After all, my thinking was that just because I am struggling in my journey with Jesus doesn’t mean I should force doubt into other people’s minds who might be wondering about Christianity. I don’t want to stall someone else’s journey by bringing up questions that make them re-think anything too. Then a few things dawned on me. Maybe other people have the same questions I have. Maybe I’ll get some of the answers I am looking for and can be an example in the future of someone who once really stumbled — after all, the proof is right here in ink. I won’t be writing in the cheery “I have things figured out now, so can preach my story with enthusiasm and strength” tone. Instead I will range anywhere from angry to excited or confused. My emotions in a journey to find everlasting love are going to be very fresh, raw, rough, and genuine. I’m scared, but I also feel a twinge of excitement and hope.
One of my best friends who I really look up to told me the other day that she didn’t know the answer to one of my questions but that
“God is bigger than our questions and He can handle them, so keep asking!”
It took everything I had to not cry in relief. I have been afraid to ask so many questions for such a long time because I felt like they might take a hit to the little bit of faith I do have left. I felt like I couldn’t afford to lose any of the beliefs I was clinging onto so desperately, and that I didn’t want to risk anything by asking very tough, very real questions.
I know some of you aren’t as interested in reading about my faith as the goofy dating stories I like to tell and that’s fine — you can come back when I have other posts up or I can lose you as a reader today. This blog was initially created in order to make people laugh, but as many things do, has grown. It’s become a much more personal blog about my life, which does still include dating. I’ll still have a wide variety of stories, but this is something I am going to include from now on too, as it’s very close to my heart.
Hopefully I’ll begin getting the answers and security in my relationship with Jesus that I so long for. I am hoping the desire to have it is at least a good start.