Once upon a time I dated someone who meant the world to me. We often talked about the excitement of conquering our dreams together, hand in hand. We were young, in love, and unsure of a lot in life — but we were certain that we wanted each other around.
After we had been together for some time he told me that he realized he wanted me to be his forever and always. He said that he wanted to hurry up and put a ring on my finger so he could snatch me up before anyone else had the chance. It was romantic thinking about how badly this gentleman wanted to be with me, especially since I felt the same way about him.
We were both at transitional points in our lives, and we had lived with a looming uncertainty as to where we would end up and when we could be together again. His solution was that he would find a job near me. There were so many options thrown out, and we excitedly talked about how he could even bartend for a few months until we had made a decision about school or a career move. Nothing mattered as long as we were together. Until he left. Or rather, never came back. Nothing happened. None of the words that were used in our conversations ever materialized, and instead of creating our love story together, he had a new one with someone else as the lead — himself. We were no longer partners in crime, but instead I became a sidekick in his story.
I held on to his words when I felt confused by a pile of broken promises and I begged for more when I was heartbroken about our stagnant relationship. Words were what kept me around even when his actions didn’t match up. I felt like the promises being made were all I had left of him; I was fine with taking any of the scraps he was willing to give me since I had been hungry for more for so long. The very words that I would swoon at had they been written from a stranger to his love became my source of torture. It was a constant roller coaster of “he loves me, he loves me not,” and I didn’t know how to get off because every time I tried he reeled me back in with sweet nothings about our wonderful future together. I just needed to wait around a little longer to see them materialize. Everything he was doing appeared to be selfish, but he reasoned that it was all for us. He was doing everything “for me.”
Some people tell you they love you. If you’re lucky, though, you’ll meet someone who shows you that they love you and don’t stop once they have you. They’ll keep showing you that they care through their actions, words, and by demonstrating forgiveness in every day life. Love isn’t always easy, but it is absolutely always worth it.
Today’s lesson: Words are beautiful, powerful things. They are what I use to express myself and part of the way I show people I love them. When actions don’t match up to the words that are used, however, the characters become meaningless. Someone could have the best intentions in the world, but if they don’t have the hustle and determination to back them up the beauty is taken away and they just become bland poetry from a stranger.
6 thoughts on “Actions Speak Louder”
This is a lesson I myself had to learn the hard way. (Sadly, I think that most people have to learn this lesson the hard way.) It’s soo easy for some one to say all the right things and exactly what you want to hear. But it is a really great thing when you find that person whose actions match their words.
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Yeah, I agree with you completely. I like that I learned this lesson on my own too because moving forward I’ve been able to pay close attention to what people say and recognize when they’re not being genuine. It’s a lot less painful now to realize they’re not going to change and be able to move on quickly.
I always liked living by a “3 strikes and you’re out” rule. I think it’s good to draw a line in the sand and once it’s crossed, then the decision is made. Being strung along is not a good place to be.
I think that is a GREAT rule of thumb!! Then you can still be friends with the person, but keep them in one of your outer circles and know what to expect moving forward.
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Great advice. I think you cannot count on someone, until they repeatedly show you, they do what they say. Its too disappointing to count on someone and have them suddenly, change their mind or do something else. Then, I guess at least you know, not to have those expectations of that person.
YES, so well-said, I agree completely! It’s so easy to say you’re going to do something, but putting in the time and effort is a whole other story. Thanks for reading and commenting. 🙂
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