Intentionally Intentional

“Wait, is this a date?”

As a girl, I have wondered this a few times in my life when a guy asks me to “hang out” somewhere. Depending on the situation, I usually err on the safe side and assume it isn’t if I’m unsure.

Dating can be awkward enough as it is, so why make things like simple communication difficult? I have been asked countless times by guys how to ask a girl on a proper date, and so many of my girl friends have called me confused with whether a male is interested in her or not. There is a very simple answer to all of our communication problems. Be clear in stating your intentions with someone!

You don’t have to be all weird about it, but by simply saying, “I would love to take you out to dinner,” you are making it very clear that you want to take the person you are asking on a date. First, if you already know them, I think dinner is a great option for date #1, as it’s a little nicer than just coffee or drinks. You can always change the wording around to do something else for a first date, however I would definitely make the activity one that is very clearly a date. Going on a run with someone is nice, but hardly leaves room for any sort of romance. Second, by using the words “take you out,” you are making it incredibly clear that this isn’t just an outing between friends.


On the flip side, if someone asks you to “hang out,” I’d say it isn’t a serious date, so take things slow! I’ve had relationships grow from friendship, which can be a great foundation for something wonderful. Don’t put your life on hold for someone who isn’t ready to date you or isn’t interested, though. Keep doing your own thing whether that is dating around or accepting an invitation from someone else you are possibly interested in. The best lesson we all learned from He’s Just Not That Into You is that if someone wants to be with you they will eventually try. If they don’t ever get the guts to ask you out they care about their pride more than they care about being with you! You want someone who will fight for you, right?

Today’s lesson: It’s better to be overly clear and upfront with your intentions than to be ambiguous when you ask someone out. Getting turned down sucks, but it’s so much better to find out sooner rather than later that someone isn’t interested in dating you… That way you can move on to another person who will totally want to go on a date!

9 thoughts on “Intentionally Intentional

  1. I’m with you on this. “Let’s hang out” sounds like something you o with friends… “Hey, I’m heading to a concert, wanna hang out” means there is no expectation of romance or exploration to see if there might be romance…it means, “let’s hang out”. Granted, I think a lot of guys try and test the water, and that’s fine, but you can’t have expectations if you’re testing the water…literally means that, now that I really think about it.

    No, I think it’s so much better to say, “I’d really like to take you on a date” or “May I take you out?” or something similar is so much more obvious.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes, I completely agree with everything you just said! It’s totally fine to test the waters, but I think you can’t expect someone to think they’re going on a date if you’re just chilling with them like you would a friend. Then you can eventually move to saying you want to take someone on a date. šŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  2. This is so true! It’s something I really aspire to do. I have had guys I really like keep leading me on and then I find out they have girlfriends or just liked the attention. In which case they are *$&holes. It’s a hurtful thing to do and not right. Some guys don’t care though.


  3. Love this! People are so afraid of getting rejected or scaring someone away that they aren’t upfront about their intentions or feelings. Like you said, getting rejected sucks, but it’s so much better to know where you stand as soon as possible.


  4. In my experience, hanging out is platonic. Or, at least, the intention is platonic. Under the right conditions, though, in the moment that can unexpectedly change. Also, feelings can be nebulous or like Schrodinger’s Cat (in both platonic and romantic at the same time).

    For instance, there was this girl Amy. She worked in the department on the other side of my building. Wicked smart, pretty, and fun. She wanted to hang out. So she joined me for dinner at my favorite place. We played a game of pool at a quarter table and she expressed fun about playing. So I suggested later we play on real tables at a bar I liked. The next weekend we did. She ran into a guy she knows and intense feelings of jealousy welled up with me. In that moment I knew that even though these were not dates, that I wished they were. We never actually dated as I think I found out she was living with a boyfriend. Though, when I moved far from home, she happened to move a bit over an hour away and occasionally would hang out with me to get away from home.

    Another instance was Cassandra. I made a joke about a coworker saying I needed a girlfriend to make me go on vacation. She asked where would I go, so I talked about my favorite beach. She said I should take her and got me to make all the reservations and plans. Only she revealed that she had a bachelorette party and could not go. I realized on the beach that I semi-treated her like a girlfriend which led me to be manipulated in this way.


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