Does He Care For You?

Did anyone else listen to Dr. Laura growing up?

My mom and I would turn her on in the morning, and she’s all about the “tough love” approach, and tries to help young women realize their worth. Something she used to say to callers stuck with me.

She used to always tell women that they should not marry a man who wouldn’t “swim through shark-infested waters to bring her lemonade.” Though this example is extreme, I remember questioning things with an ex boyfriend of mine who didn’t seem to care about what I wanted — even with the little simple things in life. I particularly remember thinking of this quote when I lived in the city and I had this gentleman come visit. I was bummed because I had been PMSing, and I really wanted an Insomnia cookie. Now, this situation is dire even if you are just a regular person craving the best cookie in the world, but during “that time of the month” you won’t stop thinking about it until you have one… Or ten. Girls, you can relate, right?!

Anyway, the bakery was six blocks from my apartment and we were walking there on a chilly winter night. After about three blocks, my suitor said he was cold and wanted to turn around. He decided it wasn’t a good night to go, as we would have to double our walk home. I was bundled up and though I was cold, I was just happy that we were together and getting out of the house. I playfully suggested we just finish the trip, but he was insistent — and I was a pushover. We turned around and although I didn’t really care about the cookie anymore, I did care about the way my boyfriend had been treating me lately. He wasn’t attentive and though he was fine inconveniencing me, it was never alright for me to do the same in our relationship. Things weren’t even.

I have no doubt that Robert would do whatever it takes to get me what I need in life. Part of me even thinks that he’s someone who would actually swim with sharks if it meant making me happy, but I don’t plan on ever testing that theory. The point being, I encourage you to find someone who cares about your desires — big and small! Maybe it’s my experience with a chronic illness, but I do want to be with someone who will take good care of me. I want to be with a man who doesn’t just do the minimum amount of work he needs to in order to make the relationship work, but instead I’d like to be with someone who enjoys seeing me happy and doesn’t feel like doing kind things in our relationship is always a big chore.

Today’s lesson: Be with someone who knows what sacrifice looks like and is willing to make them for you sometimes. You are absolutely not being unrealistic in thinking that you can find someone who will give in the same way you will in a relationship.