Exhausted

Guys, I’m really tired. In so many different ways.

First, I’ve been fighting something off and on for awhile now. I’m so thankful it hasn’t been anything bad, but it really is draining my energy. You know when you just feel weird, but can’t put your finger on what’s up? That’s where I am.

Second, this project I’ve been working on is so tiring! When I want something I really put my whole heart into it, and I want nothing more than to have an incredible surprise for when Robert is home. He isn’t that fond of surprises (He tried to talk me out of it when I told him I was doing a little Valentine’s Day planning and that he would need to delete his social media accounts, but I suggested it was in his best interest), but I think this one would be something he’d LOVE.

Third, having a chronic illness means I’m almost always mildly to incredibly exhausted. I can’t sleep at night and it’s physically and mentally exhausting getting through the tough POTS days.

Lastly, I’m just so darn tired of waiting. This deployment has drug on and on and on (times a million), and I’m just really ready for Robert to be home. I will have to write about the stages of going through a deployment so those who haven’t done one can better understand, but I feel like the final chapter would be titled “endless.” Like, when I found out it was just over a month until he would be back I was STOKED. I felt so excited and like it was actually real that he’d be back soon! Now that it’s been awhile, I’ve settled back into my normal routine and don’t feel the same sense of excitement. I feel like if I could knock it into my brain somehow to realize that he will, in fact, be home soon, I would be overjoyed! I just feel like it’s been such an up and down, crazy journey that it doesn’t feel very real that he’ll ever be back. I love him very much, and I love just getting to talk on the phone, but I miss being able to go out and have experiences together. I think that is an important part of a relationship, and it’s been a really long time since we’ve been able to do that.

Just a little bit longer, Krista. I’m going to keep telling myself that until I believe it. Maybe I never will until he’s actually home, but I at least have that to look forward to!