“Don’t Settle” Isn’t Always Good Advice

I think something we’ve all heard from our friends and family is don’t settle for a mediocre relationship. Some of us have friends who haven’t really been in a relationship before because they haven’t found anyone worth spending time on dating. I was that girl for close to two decades. Granted, I don’t think the first thirteen years of life are typically reserved for dating, but you get it — I was definitely a late bloomer.

Today I’d like to play the devil’s advocate, though, and pose a different argument.

Could you possibly be too picky in the dating world?

I am a firm believer in not dating someone who clearly goes against one of your deal breakers. I am also a firm believer in only having a few of those, though. Things that you absolutely cannot live with — or without — constitute as deal breakers. Religion, priorities, lifestyles, and location are all things that are very real deal breakers.

I have seen some really amazing people pass over potential dates for really superficial or minuscule traits. Whether it’s a hairstyle and something about a person’s looks, or an unrelatable hobby, I see great people get ditched for small differences all the time. I’m a huge advocate for the “it’s just a date” philosophy, and I think you are far more likely to miss out on a wonderful person by being incredibly strict with your dating criteria, rather than being open to going on a few potentially bad dates.

The reality of the world is that you are never going to find someone who is absolutely perfect. Every single person on this earth is going to be different than you in one way or another, and if you say “no” to everyone who has some sort of quirk, you’re never going to find anyone who is exactly the same as you are. To be honest, if I met myself I think I’d be bugged by plenty of things. I am chronically late (but working on it!), I can be high-maintenance — especially with my medical needs — I need words of affirmation to feel like my work is valid, and I have a fairly sensitive heart with the people I love most. When you can overlook my flaws, though, I have a good heart. I am patient, I love deeply, I know how to put someone else’s needs above my own, and I try to be there for anyone who needs a friend. My purpose feels like it is to make others feel less alone in the world,  which is why I write so often about my honest thoughts and feelings.

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I want to encourage you to look at your deal breakers and reevaluate what you find is important in a relationship. If you swipe left on people for their fashion sense or because they seem to have one or two different interests, I challenge you to change your ways for just one month. Give guys you ordinarily wouldn’t a chance, and go on a few dates with people who aren’t quite “your type,” and just treat dating as a fun little activity with no pressure to find Mr. Right. There’s a reason people so often say they met their significant other when they weren’t looking — it’s so much easier to date when you don’t feel pressured to find your perfect match. Your heart becomes open to finding beautiful love when you don’t have your guard so high up and when you can just relax, be yourself, and have fun.

If you decide to start dating around, please let me know how it goes! I love hearing all of your stories. 

14 thoughts on ““Don’t Settle” Isn’t Always Good Advice

  1. I think I just shared this with 10 people via text today! I love your philosophy of “it’s just a date.” I try to set up friends with each other and one of them always replies, “He/she is not my type.” I’ve branched out a lot since dating in college. It was hard but it was so worth it 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Hi Kristie, great post! I particularly like the last two sentences. I met my future wife after returning from backpacking overseas for a year. I wasn’t looking for her, but I was relaxed and my heart was open. The timing was right. Good advice!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. What a great read! I think your post is spot on about the superficiality that can come with dating, especially in your 20’s! I have friends who I see this happen with all the time. I also love the part where you describe your imperfections. I felt like I was reading a description of myself! LOL. You’ve gained a new follower SingleInTheSuburbs !

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Very good advice! Sometimes, we pass on people for the smallest and inconsequential thing, when the primary deal breaker is whether they are Christian or not.

    Enjoyed your post! Thanks too for following me!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yeah, it’s so true! I think people can be too quick to move on to the next person for little things sometimes. Religion is a huge thing in relationships, though, and is totally a valid deal breaker in my opinion!

      Liked by 1 person

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