Thank U, Next

Ask Krista


A guy I’ve been seeing for a month just ghosted me. I’ve called a few times and reached out, but he hasn’t replied to any of my messages. How do I get ahold of him? We had great chemistry and I think we would be great together.

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Short answer: Don’t.

Okay, here’s the thing. If someone ghosts you, you should not want to get ahold of them. Let me try to convince you to come to my side if you’re not here already. Ghosting is a cowardly move in the dating world. When I was doing the whole online thing it was difficult to reply to every single message, but if I had any level of meaningful connection with someone and chatted with them long enough to know their last name, social security number, and what kind of dog they had, I made sure to at least reply to their message if they asked me on a date — even if I didn’t feel like we were a match or didn’t want to go. It’s really difficult turning someone down, but if you see something that is on your list of deal-breakers it is so much kinder to gently let someone down than it is to keep them holding on to hope that maybe, just maybe, your phone got lost or you got kidnapped and that’s the reason you’re not replying to their messages.

I guarantee if someone ghosted you, more than 9 times out of 10 it’s because things aren’t going to work out between the two of you. Whether they have rekindled a romance with an ex, aren’t ready for more of a relationship, or just don’t see it working out with you, none of that is your business or even matters. This just means you get to move on faster to find someone who could be the right fit for you. Ghosting is actually often a blessing in disguise because it puts you in a situation where you absolutely have to get over someone who isn’t going to be a long-term fit. Moving forward, don’t lose sleep over the people who aren’t texting you back or don’t follow up after a great date. You just weren’t a match, and you deserve someone who knows your worth without having to explain it to them.

The one time I do think ghosting is healthy is if someone isn’t treating you well or during a breakup. For example, I ghosted someone I found out was good friends with an accused murderer after some of my own FBI-grade research, and I stopped talking to anyone who made me feel uncomfortable or like their intentions weren’t pure. I also don’t think it’s typically a good idea to stay friends with your ex right after a breakup while some sort of feelings are still there, and if you want to revisit getting to know them as a friend at a later date, you can do so, but for the most part I think blocking and deleting exes after a breakup is a good way to go.

So next time someone up and disappears on you, turn up the volume, channel your inner Ari, and move on to the next one.

Should I Drive To Him?

Ask Krista


I met a really great guy online, but he lives in a different city than me. Should I offer to drive to him for our first date? I don’t want to seem high-maintenance. 

Absolutely not! My situation was a little different in that I physically cannot drive further than a few miles from my home, however I never drove to a guy for the first date. I believe guys need to step up and be a gentleman, especially in the beginning stages of a relationship. It can sometimes be hard figuring out who to go out with when there are so many options, however the driving rule is a really good way to weed people out.

Let me ask you a question. Are you worth driving for?

My answer to this question was “yes” because I know that I am caring, thoughtful, and often selfless in a relationship. I know that whoever ends up dating me is getting a good deal, and that someone who is willing to put in extra effort to meet up with me is likely caring and will be a gentleman, which is a great base to build a relationship upon. You often get more out of the things in life that you have to work for, and by setting the standard a little higher you could be weeding out people who aren’t ready for a relationship just that much easier.

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The dating culture is a bit strange now because anyone can get a hookup anytime they want. You may not be able to find love at the flick of your finger, but you can find lust, and you can find physical intimacy. There’s a reason Tinder is known as a “hookup app,” even if there are plenty of people who use it for dating, too. By creating standards for your dates before you meet up, the dating world becomes a lot less stressful because you are able to recognize who is — and isn’t — looking for the same things as you. If you are looking for a long-term relationship, odds are that the guys who want the same thing will be more likely to drive further to meet up than the ones who just want a one night stand.


Guys — What do you think about this advice? How far would you drive for a girl on a first date, and do you think this is a reasonable thing to ask? 

Girls — You’d be surprised at how many guys don’t bat an eye at driving distances to meet up for a date. It’s not because they feel obligated to; it’s because they want to go on a date with youThis means we should treat them well and be honest after a date if we aren’t feeling it, rather than ghosting or leading them on. Respect and kindness are a two way street, and I think that this is fair.

Texting Templates

Ask Krista


I swear I should have a job replying to people’s romantic interest’s texts. I love that my friends trust me with something as important as using words for communication, and I have become a pro to texting guys back. Today I decided to write about some of the most common kinds of messages my friends need help replying to and how I would answer them.


What do you text a guy after he tells you he had a nice time on a date and asks when he can take you out again, but you aren’t into him?

It’s important to be respectful but honest about your feelings so he can move on. Something simple like,

“Yeah, thanks so much for dinner, Steve, it was great meeting you. I actually don’t think things are going to work out for us, but good luck and I know there’s a great girl out there for ya!”

is perfect because it’s gracious, yet firm. If you try to be too nice you aren’t doing your date any favors because he might keep reading into your words and wondering whether he still has a chance with you. By saying something like, “Take care!” or, “Things aren’t going to work out with us,” you are making it crystal clear that he should move on and find someone more compatible.

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How should I reply if someone I met online wants to pick me up for a first date? I don’t feel comfortable riding in the car with a stranger.

Um, that’s because you’re smart! There are very few things that haven’t changed in your life since you were five, but the stranger danger factor still remains in place for a reason. I was always very jokey in my texts back to guys, so I would always say something like,

“Sorry, but I don’t know that you’re not a serial killer yet. Meet there at six?”

Any rendition of this is great, but hold your ground and don’t hop in the car with someone you can’t trust. I found out recently that one of my mom’s friends was hitchhiking when she was young and got in the car with Ted Bundy! She realized he was a dangerous guy when they stopped at a gas station and she saw a giant knife and rope under the backseat, but she didn’t know exactly who he was until she saw his face on the news later that week. YIKES! 


I had such a great time on a date, but the guy isn’t asking me out again! I’m tired of making smalltalk, and I don’t want to have another virtual pen pal. 

That makes complete sense. To find what you’re looking for when it comes to a relationship in online dating, you have to be quick to decide whether someone is looking for the same things as you. Dating can become exhausting really quickly, as there are so many different options and a lot of people who aren’t ready for a relationship or even to casually date on apps. If you went on a date with someone and aren’t getting asked to go on another but he keeps messaging you mindlessly, move on to the next person. If he realizes he wants to see you again when the texting thread dies off, great! You can make a decision on whether or not you want a second date then. In the meantime, there are so many other people who will be straightforward with their feelings and ask you out in a timely manner after your first date. Look for people like that who will be trusty and reliable.


What do you tell a guy who says something disrespectful to you?
Absolutely NOTHING. Block and delete that sucker! He doesn’t deserve your time or energy, and silence speaks volumes. You don’t need a clever response and it’s not your job to put him into his place — it’s your job to leave him and find someone who will treat you right. 


What do you think of my texts? Guys, how would you feel being on the receiving end of these messages? Girls, what would you do instead? Sound off in the comments!

Where Do I Begin with Dating?

Ask Krista


Hi Krista, how would you respond to someone who doesn’t know where to begin with dating? It’s a big, scary world, and there aren’t any manuals on starting at square one.

Oh my gosh, I loved this question so much that I wanted it to be the very first of my new “Ask Krista” series. So many people reach out with dating questions that I decided I need to start featuring the ones that I think might be more common and could help others.

The dating world is so big that it’s hard to figure out where to start and can feel overwhelming. Starting all the way at square one, I’d say you should first give yourself a mini pep talk. Or better yet, I’ll write one out for you.

Dating isn’t very different than any other interpersonal interaction you have with someone on any given day. It’s all about getting to know people on a deeper level and figuring out whether or not they’re someone you want to keep seeing. Don’t overthink it too much. Enjoy putting yourself out there and realize that there are so many people in this world that if a date goes poorly you’re just going to move on to the next person. You are unique and special in your own way, and someone out there is going to absolutely love you for that.

After you’ve given yourself a little push it’s time to figure out where exactly you want to start. There are apps, websites, and networking events that are all dedicated to finding love. It’s difficult to sift through the dozens of options, but it’s definitely not as daunting as it seems. My advice is to start small. Begin with one or two dating techniques. For example, choose two dating apps that seem to be good for you. You could do one swiping app like Bumble that is built for more casual dates, and add one profile app such as OK Cupid. I’d refrain from spending money on a site at least the first few weeks so you can just adjust to how the online dating world works, then you can better navigate the other sites with a little more ease.

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Be yourself online. Don’t worry about being “cool” or impressing your suitors; you’ll have more long-term success in the dating world if you don’t pretend to be someone you’re not. If you aren’t naturally witty or clever, don’t try to come off that way on your profile. One thing I noticed when I was dating was that everyone seemed to love camping and the outdoors. I haven’t been into that since I got sick with POTS, so I actually made a joke about how much I hated hiking and that didn’t know a lot about sports. Guys messaged me and thought my transparency was funny. I also met more people that I actually got along with since I was open about the fact I am not into hooking up, I am a Christian, and I have a natrually silly personality.

When you’re talking to people to go on dates with proceed with confidence and know that you are a great catch. Realize your worth and know that you are doing an amazing thing by putting yourself out there and trying to find love! You are brave, you are a catch, and you are doing your best to find the relationship you are looking for. At the end of the day as long as you are trying you are being productive in your dating life.

Lastly, don’t let the dating world get you down after one — or even a dozen — bad dates. The odds of you meeting someone to settle down with after just a few dates are so incredibly slim. If you really don’t hit it off with someone or do something to embarrass yourself (it happens to the best of us! See hereherehere, and here), just laugh at the situation and move on. You probably won’t have to see your date around again, so don’t even give it another thought!

The more you date the closer you are to finding someone who is right for you. In the meantime you will learn so many different things about yourself and other people. Just keep your heart and mind open, and don’t give up hope. Dating works differently for each individual and sometimes it takes people kissing a lot more frogs to find their Prince Charming than others. You can be excited and think about what you are working towards, but don’t forget to enjoy each day of your life. One day you’ll be married and settled down and might look back on your twenties as being one of the most confusing and lonely times, but you can also make it one of the most adventurous and freeing times of your life. Make the most of your youth while it’s still here, and create fun and beautiful stories to tell your spouse about later when you meet them. Good luck, and remember that persistence pays off.