Should I Drive To Him?

Ask Krista


I met a really great guy online, but he lives in a different city than me. Should I offer to drive to him for our first date? I don’t want to seem high-maintenance. 

Absolutely not! My situation was a little different in that I physically cannot drive further than a few miles from my home, however I never drove to a guy for the first date. I believe guys need to step up and be a gentleman, especially in the beginning stages of a relationship. It can sometimes be hard figuring out who to go out with when there are so many options, however the driving rule is a really good way to weed people out.

Let me ask you a question. Are you worth driving for?

My answer to this question was “yes” because I know that I am caring, thoughtful, and often selfless in a relationship. I know that whoever ends up dating me is getting a good deal, and that someone who is willing to put in extra effort to meet up with me is likely caring and will be a gentleman, which is a great base to build a relationship upon. You often get more out of the things in life that you have to work for, and by setting the standard a little higher you could be weeding out people who aren’t ready for a relationship just that much easier.

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The dating culture is a bit strange now because anyone can get a hookup anytime they want. You may not be able to find love at the flick of your finger, but you can find lust, and you can find physical intimacy. There’s a reason Tinder is known as a “hookup app,” even if there are plenty of people who use it for dating, too. By creating standards for your dates before you meet up, the dating world becomes a lot less stressful because you are able to recognize who is — and isn’t — looking for the same things as you. If you are looking for a long-term relationship, odds are that the guys who want the same thing will be more likely to drive further to meet up than the ones who just want a one night stand.


Guys — What do you think about this advice? How far would you drive for a girl on a first date, and do you think this is a reasonable thing to ask? 

Girls — You’d be surprised at how many guys don’t bat an eye at driving distances to meet up for a date. It’s not because they feel obligated to; it’s because they want to go on a date with youThis means we should treat them well and be honest after a date if we aren’t feeling it, rather than ghosting or leading them on. Respect and kindness are a two way street, and I think that this is fair.

28 thoughts on “Should I Drive To Him?

  1. I guess I’m old-school, but I’d pick her up. The only way that wouldn’t be the case if she preferred to meet me someplace, 1/2 way or at whatever place we were going on the date. I’d open her door, hold doors open for her, and pay for the date too. Chivalry is how I was taught, and how we’re teaching our boys. I haven’t been on a date with anyone but my wife in 25 years though. May not work like that anymore. 😃

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes I agree with that completely!! Minus the pick up, only because often first dates are with complete strangers from the Internet, haha. If you know each other that’s totally the way to go!

      That’s so great you and your wife have been together for 25 years! Marriages like that give me great hope. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I love your answer and I think it’s understandable for both parties involved, but a part of me disagrees. I’m personally a fan of the new rule that whoever suggests the date pays the tab, so why not use the same logic? Whoever suggests the date first is then (somewhat) obligated to make the hall. Just like in a functioning relationship, there needs to be compromise. If he is the one who is driving a great distance for the date, then she needs to at least pay for part of the date whether it’s coffee or dessert afterwards– at the very least, make an offer/effort. But then again, I’ve never been one for traditional roles and practices…

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thanks so much for sharing girl!! I always appreciate hearing different ideas and perspectives. I definitely think dating can work so differently for each individual and finding your own stride is so important. My advice won’t always be perfect for everyone because dating doesn’t fit into a cookie cutter mold, so I really loved reading your answer! ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I definitely agree with your advice. There could be certain situations that possibly meeting halfway might make more sense depending on how far the distance is between the two daters. Being up front and communication from both parties seem like the smart but often forgotten way to go.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Unless I am bedridden, have a running stomach or I just died, there’s no way a girl will drive to meet me for the first date. Unless she wants to get laid only and I am in too, she’s not driving, at least not between cities (maybe our Kenyan cities are just too far apart😊). What if she meets a guy at the fueling station and runs away with him?
    All I am saying is if a man is really into a girl, he’ll make an effort. It’s the first date for heavens’ sake!

    The flip side, no guy wants to be in the list of the many suitors who turn the world upside down for a girl only for another ninja somewhere to turn it back. If we’re to drive in between cities or planets even, we want it to be real. We want to the only one you’re focused on. Not to drive and have to wait because you had other plans in the morning and meeting us in the afternoon.

    Do I agree/disagree with your response, be the judge😂

    Sorry for the long post. I just realized I am blogging here 😂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Wow do you live in Kenya? I always see people from all around the world on my stats, but it’s cool chatting with people who are somewhere else.

      You made the exact point I was trying to convey! If a guy is excited about a girl he’s willing to put in the effort in the beginning. It saves a lot of confusion and back and forth from both parties.

      Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts with us! I appreciate you taking the time to read and reach out.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Omg, a guy who actually drives?! Does that exist anymore? I don’t drive, I can but I don’t – sold my car a few years ago and I don’t need one in the city. Which is fine, I rent if I need one and I drive my employer’s vans all the time for work. Transit is much easier in the city anyways. But guys I talk to don’t even seem to have a license at all. And if he lives an hour away via bus, that is sometimes an issue…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh that makes sense if you live in a city; I never had a car when I was in New York because I took the subway everywhere. What city do you live in?!

      Transit is definitely easier in cities. I think that offers a kind of fun way to explore new places too! Distance can always play a role in whether or not you go out with someone again. I got ghosted once by a guy who later told me it was because it took him a lot longer than he had expected to meet me in my neck of the woods, haha.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. I would say that the lady need not offer to drive and that a man should be servantlike enough to come get her.

    However, I would sound a caution against JUDGING. We may be dealing with a thoughtless, lazy cad, or we may be dealing with a clueless guy who just needs to be told what’s chivalrous in this category. We’re way too judgmental these days (and, to be sure, we guys have played a role in that). How many older, successful married couples look back and joke about how clueless the man was in a couple of matters in his dating years, but the two turned out fine?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hahaha!!! I agree that both parties can be clueless in the dating world sometimes! It’s kind of hilarious to see the disconnect between men and women in the dating world, too. Things one gender finds obvious the other might not know about at all. Obviously these are great generalizations, but in my experiences and observations people are a lot more similar than we’d care to admit sometimes. I love hearing stories from longterm couples, especially about one person being clueless about the other’s intentions. Such a great point, Brandon!

      Liked by 1 person

  7. I love this, and I love the fact that you know yourself and love yourself enough to know what you want and what you deserve. I think you are 100% correct. We can see through the bullshit if we don’t delude ourselves by our desire (or often times desperation) to find someone. It is a painful waste of time to invest in someone who will never treat us the way we deserve. Thank you for writing this… and yes, a seemingly trivial thing life driving the distance is very telling… if they won’t put effort out in the beginning, they certainly won’t down the road!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much!! I definitely agree with what you said; if someone isn’t putting effort in the beginning they’re definitely not going to step up to the plate when they get more comfortable with you. Thanks for reading, and I’m excited to be new WP friends! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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