Monday, Day 40

~ kristalauren ~ Leave a comment

Mondays are always the ones where I feel a mild sense of panic. I’m not really sure why, because all the days blend together a little and I space my work out throughout the weekend as well, but I always look at the calendar when I start to overthink and notice that it’s the beginning of the week.

It’s been just over 5 weeks since I have been out in the world, and I’m still trying to take everything day by day. I see good and bad news every day, and have been able to keep busy for the most part. I currently enjoy having work to distract me, picked up playing Call of Duty — a game I never in a million years would have thought I would like — and ordered a few little crafts to do at home in the coming week. I also decided I need more energy, so since I’m no longer able to get my routine B12 shots, I got some vitamin B12 and vitamin D to start taking. I’m lucky enough to live in the suburbs, so can still walk outside some, and enjoy evenings on the back porch.

I’m going to get through a little more work then go do some yoga to try to relax and calm myself a little. I know we’re all cooped up and in this together, and I’m going to try to use this week to catch up with a few friends and see how everyone is doing. I hope you’re having a good week, and let me know how you’re keeping busy while staying inside!

Small Business Saturday

~ kristalauren ~ 4 Comments

I want to start writing a little more about other people, and how we can do our part helping from home, if at all possible. I set up a few interviews with nurses — friends and strangers alike — to tell us about what it’s like in the COVID units, but today I want to write about some small businesses worth supporting. It’s been surprisingly difficult for me to find places to support, as I think a lot of them aren’t circulating on social media platforms as much as they could be.

visa

Barrel Oak Winery
While other businesses pushed to stay open and keep selling their products no matter what, Barrel Oak Winery quietly closed and said that their customer’s health was their number one priority. I absolutely love a company that genuinely cares about its customers, and this winery is particularly amazing because of the love they have for dogs! It’s my favorite winery in Virginia because of all the pups you get to meet when you go to the winery. They’re currently offering free shipping and some pretty good discounts when you buy in bulk. Check out their website today to stock up for the coming weeks of quarantine.

Buskey Cider
This is one of the first places I found strictly from social media. I had been looking for a place to get a few nice summer drinks from, and Busky Cider looked promising, as they had fun flavors of hard cider like tart cherry and peach iced tea. They were super accommodating with delivery, and very friendly and appreciative of business when I called them to set something up. I later learned that they had so much business in my area that they were going to make regular trips back, which is fantastic. If you live somewhere in Virginia, check out their schedule and they are probably delivering near you at some point. They’re really hustling and deserve some good business!

Grocery Delivery
Notice how I didn’t put a company name here? I have found some people on Facebook who have done grocery runs for me, or referred them to friends and family. This is fantastic because the individual gets to keep 100% of the profit, plus the tip. It’s a difficult time for everyone, particularly people who’s livelihood has been affected, so this is a great way to really reward someone for their hard work. I also have looked into it, and it seems like certain big retailers have stepped up during this time to provide hundreds of thousands of jobs, and companies like Walmart are offering good benefits to working during the pandemic. If you use these services, just be sure to tip the best you are able. People who are working out right now deserve hazard pay, and we can provide that by offering generous tips.

All Good Things
I am obsessed with letter writing, journaling, gift giving, and everything of the like. This is the cutest website I found that opened in July 2017. It’s normally open for business in Dallas, TX, but in the meantime you can shop online and follow them on Instagram for some really fun, creative posts.

Pronto
The sisters who created Pronto opened shop in January, and have been still selling online throughout the pandemic. In short, their work does print, ship, design, social, and event branding. Their Instagram is bright and cheery, and offers a little taste of what they do in their feed.

Finally, I know some really fantastic girls who own their own boutiques. If you’re feeling like you want to dress up a little more — or find cute, comfortable loungewear — during these quarantine times, check out each of these and support a small business to update your wardrobe.

August Bay
August Bay is currently having a sale, giving 25% off cozy clothing items that are perfect for relaxing indoors while staying cute. I’ve been conflicted some days of wanting to feel cute and be comfortable, and cute sweats are a perfect marriage of the two. August Bay offers free shipping and returns for all purchases, so there’s no harm in shopping up a storm on their website.

Clothed in Strength
Clothed in Strength is the cutest etsy shop around. From inspirational phrases to Christian messages, these tees are well-made and affordable. There is currently a 15% off discount on the site, too!

Ever Row
Ever Row was created and owned by sisters, and gives the best summer vibes on my Insta feed. It actually usually has 2 stores in South Carolina, so it’s really important to shop online until they’re able to get back to selling things like usual. Right now there’s free shipping on any order. The site is super easy to navigate and fun to shop through.

Mini and Mine
This is the CUTEST site for mommy daughter matching outfits. Mini and Mine was actually started back in February, right before all the COVID-19 stuff started escalating in the United States. It’s a monthly subscription service — that you can start and cancel at any time — that sends you a set of matching tees for your child and you to wear together. It’s such a fun idea, particularly for quarantine pictures in the coming months. Follow their Instagram page to see the last couple of sets — and some pretty cute mother daughter duos.

The ML Edit
The homepage says, “Cabin Fever: shop the chilly day essentials,” which feels perfect for this crisp April day. Check out the company’s Instagram feed for a good feel on what their vibe is, and feel good about your purchases, knowing you’re supporting someone’s livelihood.

Thursday, Day 36

~ kristalauren ~ 6 Comments

I probably started my quarantine before you, but mainly because I was one of the people who was skeptical of whether COVID-19 was really just “not as bad as the flu.” We just didn’t have enough information to know one way or another, which was why I decided to err on the side of caution and make one last run to the grocery store for the two weeks I anticipated we would be inside.

Now it’s been a little longer than that, and I’ve had a few rough days, but am holding up better than expected. I’m mainly just being careful trying to up my fluid and salt intake so I don’t have as many POTS issues pop up.

Yesterday I went for a run because I was feeling cooped up. There weren’t any people out, as our neighborhood has been very quiet lately, and I knew I wouldn’t be going far. I ran for my newest record — 5 minutes — but I likely only went about a quarter mile. I decided to try for endurance, rather than speed, but could not push myself to go longer than one round of Kanye West’s song, Stronger. That’s always been one of my favorite songs to run to, but sadly I never thought it would be my entire workout playlist, rather than just one song out of twenty.

Anyway, I’ve decided that every single weekday I want to do at least one workout. I have been taking yoga and Pilates classes online, and am really enjoying them. Getting my blood flowing has been really good for my physical health, but it also makes me feel refreshed mentally. Staying in this much is really weird and definitely makes you feel cooped up, but I’m really thankful for the technology that’s keeping me connected right now. Online classes are definitely something I hope to continue long after all of this is done.

Nothing else interesting to write for now. Gotta get back to work, but I want to keep my countdown going on here (is it a countdown if we don’t have a number we are counting down to, but instead are just counting up?).

Thursday, Day 22

~ kristalauren ~ 2 Comments

This morning I wrote about how shockingly well I am handling all of this. Tonight, I’m crying about it. I think this is kind of typical of everyone right now.

I’m sick of being stuck inside and am dying to go on a normal date, missing my family and friends, and would love to be able to look forward to the beach this summer — or even just spending some time outside. I am scared for the health and well-being of loved ones and strangers alike. I am dying to go to Trader Joe’s to get my usual favorite snacks, and I don’t want to keep seeing how different life is by watching the news. It all feels like a weird dream. The beginning of this feels so long ago now.

All of this is incredibly confusing. Like, how did we get to a point where people can’t go outside? Anyway, this morning I wrote a much more lighthearted draft, and want to still offer some of that sentiment, even as a comfort to myself right now.

First, I have done the whole quarantine thing before — or at least it felt similar to me. When I first got sick with POTS I could barely sit upright, much less go do my normal activities. I created a new normal that gave me as much joy as I had in my 22 years before getting sick. It wasn’t always easy and I often missed things about having a healthy body, but I was still able to be happy, despite the earth-shattering change. This change was actually even bigger than the pandemic feels because I was so used to being an athlete and out in the world, but literally could not leave the couch or go from floor to floor in the house more than once in a day. Now I at least can stand up to cook, go to the basement to exercise, and play hide and seek with my dog. Lesson one, you can have joy in the face of adversity.

Another thing POTS taught me is that circumstances change. That’s lesson two of learning to deal with a life-shattering change. The first year I was so sick even going to the grocery chore was a difficult to impossible task (read: me lying on the aisle floor until I could stand again without passing out). Over time I was able to run errands. Then I could go out to dinner. Then I worked my way up to doing things like trips with friends or walking around the beautiful city of DC. I still can’t run or anything, but I can walk for an incredibly long time without feeling dizzy, my pain is decreasing astronomically, and I can drive for an hour at a time! I’ve really come a long way. My new normal did keep changing, and I’ve been able to work with it every step of the way. Things change, and even if they’re slower than you’d like, you learn a lot of lessons along the way and can still be joyful.

Finally, the most important thing in life will always be your loved ones. For this I am sure (Insert Nunzio voice here, Robert).

I’ve always known this, but having any kind of health scare definitely changes your outlook. It’s funny because I do definitely think taking things for granted is in our nature. When I was really sick I always thought I would never take little things for granted if I was lucky enough to get better, but sure enough, things like going out on walks with my dog weren’t aren’t appreciated and I haven’t taken advantage of the fact that I can do yoga now. It’s weird being so separated from everyone, and I think this experience will change the way we spend time with others. I hope we are more present and cut more time out of the day to be with people, and take the time out of the year to travel and visit our long distance friends and family.

Anyway, I think we all need to remember that this is going to ultimately be just a blip in our lives if we can all come together and support each other. I pray that we can get things under control sooner rather than later, and that we can all be tough together. I know this isn’t easy, but I feel like it will be similar to my past experience in that we will appreciate more in life, worry less about trivial things, and learn to be joyful through every stage in life. There are a few things I’m incredibly grateful for right now, and I know I’m being looked out for and taken care of, which is really comforting in this strange time. I hope you can find some things you’re thankful for in this transition time, too!

Monday, Day 19

~ kristalauren ~ Leave a comment

You know what bugs me? People who remember things well.

I know, I’m just being an enormous jerk because, as you may have seen on my SnapChat or Instagram story yesterday, I have the worst memory of all time. Like, possibly the worst. I’m trying to be proactive by fixing it, and restudying some good old elementary school history and geography, though — including perfecting the map of the United States by not getting Arizona confused for Nebraska. Yes, that happened.

Anyway, part of being like this includes a very strange confusion about how long we’ve been doing this. I actually don’t remember what day I started staying inside, but I know by March 10 I didn’t go out to eat and was hesitant about being anywhere fun because I had a bad feeling about what was coming. This was a date friends were still saying that the media was freaking out about nothing, and that the Coronavirus was “less deadly than the flu.” It’s funny how there can be a narrative that starts, just because one person starts saying it, then more and more people pass it along until it seems to be the cold, hard truth.

Last night my anxiety spiked again. Not because I’m having a hard time personally being inside — I keep reminding myself this is just a season and to make the most of it — but more so because I’m feeling on edge for all of my loved ones. I hope they’re all doing okay and aren’t scared or having a hard time. Today I’m feeling a bit better, but am still on edge worrying about other people. I know from Facebook posts that a lot of people are having a hard time managing, but I also think social media is doing a great job reminding people that none of us are alone in all of this. We’re all going through so many of the same emotions and uncertainties, but it really is so freaking encouraging how uplifting everyone is being. We know that one day this will be a distant memory, and maybe if you’re like me you won’t forget the way you felt during this time, but you will forget just how many episodes of shows from Netflix you watched, how many Sour Patch Kids you shoveled in your mouth while anxiously scrolling through the news, and how many days exactly you were quarantined. This will be a very interesting story to tell the next generation, and in the meantime we’ll all just keep pushing forward.

Sunday, Funday

~ kristalauren ~ 4 Comments

Today is Sunday, but it feels like Saturday or Monday or Wednesday! Let’s face it — they all feel the same at this point.

Yesterday I decided I need to have a little more of a routine through all of this. I woke up at a reasonable hour today, and started my morning with some of the new assignments I have. I’m going to learn new skills in the kitchen a few times a week — two days ago I learned how to use the InstantPot, and tomorrow I’d like to learn how to make a quiche or other breakfast food involving spinach and eggs — and have a set workout routine that I must stick with. I decided to take up Pilates again, and found a good little YouTube video yesterday to begin. Something I really like about Pilates is that your workout just feels so dang good while you’re stretching. It’s composed of such tiny movements that Pilates work some muscles that you don’t even realize are there, and the next day you’re shocked with how sore some of your little muscles are.

Some things on my to do list this week are:

  • Finish cleaning out my closet, and find someone to donate all my clothing to.
  • Bake a healthy dessert that doesn’t taste healthy at all.
  • Find one new small business to support.
  • Spend 10 minutes/day refreshing my memory on some good, elementary US history.
  • Try a new food. This week I discovered that I do, in fact, like Caesar salads, despite refusing to try them for 29 years.
  • Call one friend or family member every day, just to catch up.

These are all super doable and will make some of the time spent indoors feel more productive. What are you doing to make your day feel worthwhile?

It Is Saturday

~ kristalauren ~ 4 Comments

It’s hard to keep track of the days when every one is the same.

This is such a strange time in our lives. It’s kind of crazy to think that no matter what country people live in, we can relate to the fear and uncertainty of the exact same thing.

As I mentioned in my last post, I’ve felt a surprising amount of calmness throughout all of this. I am being incredibly careful and not going out or anything, but I also am not living in constant fear or anxiety. I think a big part of this comes from my time at home with POTS. I now have the experience to know that even with incredibly drastic changes that are completely out of your control, you can still have joy in your life, and perhaps just as important, things can and will get better. Staying at home when I have the physical capability to go out is new, but I know what it’s like to lose your functioning body and be stuck on a couch and still feel happy and make really great memories from it. Surely we can still have joy in days at home with loved ones still — or if you are quarantined by yourself, with people from afar. Thank God for technology.

A lot of this Coronavirus quarantine feels kind of like getting sick suddenly with a chronic illness. This time, though, we can all relate in one way or another. We are lucky to have each other, and all the help and support I’ve seen online has been heartwarming to say the very least. I love that people are staying inside despite being so incredibly bored, and that we’re looking to support small businesses in this time (As a side note, please message me any and all businesses that need some support — at the very least I’d love to follow on social, but if it’s a product I’d use I want to start buying from people directly, if possible!).

Something that I’ve learned with anxiety and having a chronic illness is that periods of time seem to have lots of different chapters that make up your life, but none of them last forever. This is really good for the tough chapters, and sometimes sad when the amazing ones come to an end. Nothing in life lasts forever, though, and I think we need to remember this as we keep moving forward the next few weeks and months. I know that days will sometimes drag on and uncertainty can be daunting, but one day this will all be a distant memory and we’ll remember the happier things more than the things that were hard. We’ll remember playing Nintendo Switch with our families, eating at home every night in front of the television, relating to a million of the memes that are online, and having walks around the neighborhood be our daily outings. We’ll all probably also have difficult stories to remind us of harder times too, but hopefully something good will come out of those, too.

I guess the only point I have in writing this is that if you’re having a hard time with everything right now, keep pushing through. This is a temporary time in the grand scheme of things, and I know we’re going to come out of it with new empathy and understanding for others. Also, don’t be afraid to ask for help if you need it. We are all trying to learn how to fight this in whatever ways we can, and want to be able to lean on each other. Many of us are looking for ways to help, but may just not know how.

Have a great Saturday! I’m incredibly sleepy and a bit loopy from lack of exercise. I didn’t particularly feel like writing at all today, but am trying to as often as I can. Going to find some sort of yoga class to take online in the basement now!

Quarantine Day, Like, 14?

~ kristalauren ~ Leave a comment

I’m not really sure what day we’re on now of this quarantine, but I started a few days ahead of many of my peers. I did my big apocalyptic shopping trip (read: a generous week’s worth of food) a couple of days before grocery stores began buzzing, and bought one multi-pack of Lysol wipes from Costco. I was actually excited to do a blog post on a big Trader Joe’s shopping trip a few weeks before, but looking at those pictures just makes me sad now. I love TJ’s dearly, but my only complaint is a lack of delivery service during these quarantimes.

Here’s one weird pro to all of this, though: I learned how to spell “quarantine.” There are two “a’s,” and one “e.” I don’t know why I kept spelling it with 2 “e’s,” but I did. I hate seeing spelling mistakes in articles, but have been surprised at all of the errors that I keep seeing in things I am reading on very reputable news sites. I guess all of this staying inside is getting to everyone! I’ve felt fairly prepared for it, though.

I’m enjoying cooking a lot right now. Granted, I don’t always have all of the ingredients necessary for a recipe, but it hasn’t resorted to a Chopped situation yet, but the boredom might create this for me. In fact, I’ll gather some ingredients later and take a poll on my Instagram to choose some items for this task. I feel like hot sauce definitely has to be one of the items. I have Rice Krispies, marshmallows, sesame oil, and lots of chocolate. I’ll have to brainstorm to see what weird items people can pair together for me.

Other than yesterday, my anxiety has been shockingly kept at bay. Sure, I’d like to go out, but I’m also lucky enough to have a lot of blessings at home, so I am trying to keep that perspective as long as I possibly can. I know there are people who are sick and in hospitals, and there are nurses and doctors who are being overworked and underappreciated. For all of these people, I am trying to be thankful.

Anyway, I have some work I need to do, but am hoping to write more for fun this weekend. Stay healthy and safe. ❤

Hello, Anxiety

~ kristalauren ~ Leave a comment

Hello, anxiety! I’m surprised you haven’t been lurking around this entire week.

I’ve had some moments in these quarantined times, but been surprisingly calm throughout. I may not look calm with wiping down furniture and Lysoling the light switches and door knobs at night, but I haven’t had the pit in my stomach and tightness in my chest that manifests on even just a normal Tuesday sometimes. I’ve just been taking necessary precautions to stay healthy if possible, and trying to take everything day by day.

Last night I had my first mini panic as I was trying to fall asleep. This morning I woke up with a pit too. Not because I didn’t take things seriously before, but because I’m just feeling a little scared today. I thought a little more about the future, rather than the present, and feel frustrated with the way so many people are still handling things. I don’t understand why we didn’t do a mandatory shutdown a lot sooner, and am still wondering when everything will actually be forced to shut down. I see pictures of idiots in Florida all going to the beach, and people flocking to all the same areas. I hear about teenagers thinking it’s funny to make a video coughing on produce in the stores, and am thinking about all of the innocent nurses and doctors who are being exposed because of other people’s actions. I’m sick of seeing posts in groups that say, “You gotta live a little,” accompanied by pictures of crowded walkways and gatherings. These posts get shamed, but I don’t think the OP understands that those of us who are quarantining ourselves are not doing it because we don’t want to have lives or are shaking in our boots — we’re doing it because it is the easiest, most obviously clear way to flatten the curve and make life easier on every single human who is out fighting this right now. If we can stop the Coronavirus spread, we will have time to go out and live our lives more normally, much faster. It will still require so much patience and cooperation, but one day we’ll be able to go out and see our friends and family again.

My anxiety is usually brought upon by things I cannot control, and other people often fall in this category. This time, strangers are causing the restlessness in my chest. I think it will probably ebb and flow over the course of the next several months, but I’m going to do some deep breathing and be grateful for what I have today. I didn’t have much of a purpose to this post, other than just documenting feelings each day to see how they change. My journal is getting a little break, and in the meantime I’ll keep this updated.

Dying of Boredom?

~ kristalauren ~ 2 Comments

I kind of think the definition of “privilege” is worrying about what we can do to be entertained while being forced to stay inside. Trust me, I know it sucks being cooped up inside when there’s a great big world outside to explore, but it will not kill you to stay inside for a few days, weeks, or however long it takes to get a hold of this situation. There are people who are sick, dying, and in a lot of pain right now. There are people who are losing their jobs and livelihood. If you have a roof over your head, food to eat, and are healthy, you are blessed.

I can offer you a little personal experience about being stuck at home for a long period of time. Six years ago when I got sick with POTS I did not go out at all unless it was to a doctor’s appointment or my daily trip to the gym for my rehab. I tried going on small errands, but always found myself lying on the cold tile floor as I propped my feet in the air to pump blood back to my brain. Having the room spin in circles around me while I frantically tried to stay standing or avoid fainting in front of strangers was not fun, so those trips to the grocery store were cut real short.

I spent well over a year in really bad shape and on the severe spectrum of POTS. Research POTS a little and you’ll find that POTS patients’ quality of life is “comparable to patients on dialysis for kidney failure.” Before all of this I was active and played just about every sport, had a very busy social life, and was working hard to begin climbing the ladder in the journalism world. I hated sleeping in, and could rarely be found just sitting around at home. In 2013, my world flipped upside down and I physically could not do anything because I always felt awful. I very slowly got better and better, and now have added many more normal things back into my routine. I still am not “normal,” but am close enough that I am so happy and grateful for all of the wonderful freedoms I do have.

So, what does any of this have to do with the Coronavirus pandemic?

A lot, actually. I know what it’s like to be stuck at home for a long period of time, but the only difference is that now 1) I do not feel insanely sick literally all the time, and 2) we are all in this together. I remember crying when I looked at my Facebook feed because everyone was out in the world pursuing their dreams, and all I could do was monitor how my health was and celebrate the tiny joys in life. Nobody my age could relate to what I was going through, and I couldn’t participate in anything a normal 22 year old would enjoy. I watched friends go out dancing, get promoted at their jobs, and support themselves like a normal twentysomething. I wanted so badly to be able to function normally and be able to take care of myself the way they all were.

Now, we are all stuck inside, and I feel like you can relate to my 22 year old self in a way. I know you’re not asking for advice, but I’m going to share some of the things that helped me be joyful throughout every stage in my life — even when I couldn’t go out or really “do” anything.

The first piece of advice I have is to surround yourself with loved ones. Not physically this time, though — emotionally. We need to take this “social distancing” stuff seriously. A big reason for this is so that hospitals are able to treat every single person who comes to them — whether or not it’s Coronavirus-related. Italy is moving towards 1,000 deaths/day. We absolutely do not want to get to that point, and by staying home we are helping to flatten the curve so that hospitals can treat people who need help. A good option for keeping in touch with people is FaceTime, Zoom, Skype, or even an old fashioned phone call. The biggest thing I enjoyed when I was home for such a long time was just sitting on the couch and visiting with friends and family. That will look different now, as I am staying home and not seeing anyone new until we have gotten everything under control, but I still look forward to chatting with my friends and family every single day I am stuck at home. Experts are now recommending only interacting with the people you have been at home with, so if you’re lucky enough to have someone at home with you, cherish the time you have with them. If not, utilize technology to the best of your ability to have as much — or as little — company as you’d like. Luckily it is not hard to find someone to talk to during this quarantine.

Second, find something little to look forward to every day. During my POTS recovery time, my favorite thing was watching MasterChef and MasterChef Junior with my family. I loved learning more about cooking and having a steady show to watch. Now that I can stand up again, I love to cook and use some of the techniques I learned from the show in my kitchen. I actually have really fond memories from every stage of my illness, whether or not I could actually get out of the house and do anything.

Third, remember that this is temporary. This is not a luxury I had six years ago. I had some doctors speculate that I might grow out of POTS, and others who told me to get used to my new life. It turns out, there was a little truth to each of those perspectives, but it is best to remain positive and know that things can and will get better. One day all of this isolation will be a weird story to tell, and we will all be able to relate to the giant quarantine. In the meantime, finding little things to make you happy is important. There are lists all over the place of ideas of things to do indoors, and we are smart enough to get creative about this. We also have so much technology that being stuck at home is easier now than it would have been a decade ago. The worst thing to do is always self-pitying or constantly complaining about things we can’t control. We are lucky to be alive and healthy, and have access to so much, even from our living room couches.

The reason I keep talking about POTS is also that being at home with a chronic illness is something I wouldn’t wish upon anyone. I don’t think it’s easy for a healthy person who hasn’t ever had complications to realize just how difficult it is to adjust to having a dysfunctional body. I appreciate the fact that this quarantine hasn’t begun to drive me insane because of my past experience, but I wish everyone else could feel this sense of gratefulness too. All I can do to help is say it will get easier, and any of us who aren’t currently sick can really appreciate the fact that we still feel well while being stuck at home.

I know I ranted a ton in this, but I decided my blogging right now just needs to be a little journal of this time spent at home. Not only does it give me another activity, but it will also be interesting to read back on years from now. I encourage all of you to journal at this time so we don’t ever forget what it was like all being in the same boat during the 2020 quarantine.