My Proposal To The Bachelor Franchise

There is plenty of footage from The Bachelor, The Bachelorette, and Bachelor in Paradise that we never see. We all know there’s a lot of editing done so that the producers can make people look however they want to add to the drama each season. My guess is, though, with a house filled with people all trying to date the same person, there is probably enough drama that you don’t really have to do that much to curate it. If the casting directors step up their game and really choose people wisely, problems will ensue, drama will happen, and the audience will eat. it. up.

Did you know football is on Friday, literally all day on Sunday, and Monday nights? That’s just the NFL. College football is probably on every day of the week, so you’re pretty much screwed if your significant other cares about all the sports. There’s also baseball, which feels like it’s on every day except Christmas, and the NBA preseason games start in the beginning of October. Like, what is the difference between preseason and the regular season? They’re all 2+ hour games that you want a specific team you’re rooting for to win, whether or not it counts. Hockey starts sometime in the next few months, and again, baseball is on basically year-round, so there is always something taking up space on the television at home.

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Something I think is VERY problematic, is the timing of the bachelor franchise. Football started this week and on Tuesday Bachelor in Paradise ENDS. Like, who even comes up with this?! WE NEED YOU NOW MORE THAN EVER, BIP. I was looking forward to having my own game nights where all my friends come over for pizza and baked goods to cheer on the Nicoles and Clays of the season, and wonder what the heck Caelynn is going to do with Dean coming back when she’s already begun a new relationship with Connor.

Honestly, life isn’t fair in a lot of ways, but this is something human beings can change. We can fight to get ABC to play more of the trashy TV we have grown to love and leave other networks to host sports. I tried to create a petition that people could sign. to get The Bachelor on our television screens on football nights, but I guess Change.org only really accepts petitions for things that really matter.

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I’m sorry, but I need this every night football is on. I want someone to cheer for, and people to root against when they’re sleeping with a handful of the franchise girls at Stagecoach. I want to find out if Hayley and JPJ are meant for each other and can somehow make things work, despite all this inner conflict about falling for Tayshia first.

If Fleiss and friends are scared of the competition of sports, I say, bring it. The franchise has a big enough following that dedicated fans like me will turn on ABC instead of ESPN, and even if they lose a few people along the way, at least the diehard fans are happy, right? We’re the ones who will keep the show going, even through the Arie Luyendyk and Jake Pavelka’s of it all. We stick around during the boring seasons so that we know everyone going into the next show and can root for our next bachelor or bachelorette to find love.

Please consider my plea. I seriously need some sort of break from watching men hurl an oval ball back and forth, and would appreciate all the drama I know you can create for me. Take a page out of the Big Brother handbook, and have live feeds for us. If nothing else, at least put The Bachelor on a few nights a week whenever there are big sporting events. PUT MY ENTERTAINMENT ON MORE OFTEN! It only seems fair to add an emotional competition to all the physical ones we have on television every night, right? Will you accept this proposal, ABC?

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TJ’s Tuesday feat Cotton Candy Grapes

Trader Joe’s is one of my favorite places on earth. I’ve been going since I was a kid, and I think just about every single one of my friends in college was forced to try one thing or another from this divine grocery store.

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I text friends on a pretty regular basis what all of my new Joe’s finds are, so I figured I might as well make a weekly blog post about it. This week we’re in for a real treat too, because they happened to have my favorite fruit in the entire world. You guessed it:

1. Cotton Candy Grapes
I tell everyone about CC grapes. They literally taste exactly like what you would get at the circus or the fair, but aren’t unhealthy! The coolest thing is that they are still organic, despite being some sort of weird hybrid grape. I eat them by the pound, and hope they’ll still be around in a week or two so I can get another giant box.

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Protip: Freeze them for an extra special summer treat!

2. Sea Salt & Turbinado Sugar Dark Chocolate Almonds
That name is a mouthful, and you’ll definitely want to take one of these dark chocolate almonds once you try them. I got hooked on these when I was in college, and they were a great breakthrough to how amazing dark chocolate can be. Even my husband — who hates dark chocolate — eats these by the fistful. They have a perfect sweet and salty mix, and are wildly addicting.

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3. Movie Theater Butter Popcorn
Speaking of college, you could always find me studying with a snack, particularly the perfectly buttered bagged popcorn from Trader Joe’s. It’s almost as good as the real thing, and is way too easy to eat an entire bag in a sitting. I still always keep a bag or two in our pantry because my chocolate lab, Jax, and I enjoy splitting it while watching Big Brother or a goofy Hallmark movie.

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4. Sparkling Watermelon Juice
PLEASE make this a staple, TJ’s!! It breaks my heart that this is a seasonal item because I would like to have these year-round. There came a point where I stocked up on 6 boxes of juice, but sadly I am down to one can now. Hoping they’ll bring it back soon, but if not I’ll be stocking up a lot better next season so they’ll last me at least a few months.

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5. Vitamin E Oil
This is a very recent discovery, but I’m already obsessed with it. You can get this serum for about $5, and it’s amazing to create hydrated and smooth legs after shaving. It felt really great and I would never use it on my face, but it’s really nice for a little extra body shimmer. Just be careful about how much you put on, because it becomes a little greasy quickly.

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Well, that’s all for now, friends. Next week I’ll be posting five new pumpkin things to try at Trader Joe’s, in honor of them bringing out their fall collection. Last year I bought a bunch of pumpkin pancake mix at the end of the season so we could enjoy them year-round. You never know when seasonal items at TJ’s might sell out, so it’s always good to stock up when you can.

Am I Worth Less?

One of the hardest parts about having a chronic illness is feeling like I have less value because I am not contributing as much to the community as my peers. Before I got sick I was working toward pursuing a career in journalism. I took internships, worked part time at a newspaper, and was excited to continue my journey working at Seventeen magazine to hopefully impact young women in a positive way. I have always felt that words are one of the most powerful tools we have, and all of us have a wonderful opportunity to lift others up and make them feel less alone in this big world.

I always dread the question, “So, what do you do?” when I meet someone new. I hate explaining right off the bat, “Well, I got sick when I graduated from college, so I’m trying to get back on my feet and am working on getting my health in line.” Over five years later now I have made leaps and bounds in progress, but I still am figuring out how to manage what I’ve begun to accept as my new normal. Not only is my answer incredibly awkward, but I also just feel so lame not having a cool job or anything to show for my life. I worked so freaking hard before I got sick and have absolutely nothing to show for it anymore. The internship I had at a national news company isn’t relevant anymore, and my job at Seventeen wasn’t able to materialize into what it could have because I couldn’t even walk down the driveway to the mailbox when I first got sick. My illness didn’t just take my body away from me; it took away every sense of normalcy I had ever worked to create. I have nothing to be proud of, and feels like I can’t make an adequate contribution to society anymore. I have relied on others to take care of me, when all I have ever wanted to do was be able to take care of others.

If anyone who had a chronic illness told me they felt worthless, my heart would feel completely broken and I would try as hard as I possibly could to show them what an enormous, ugly lie that was. People shouldn’t feel like they don’t have worth in this world just because their body doesn’t work the way it’s supposed to. Our value does not reside in what we do — or don’t do — for a living, and people can still change lives when their bodies don’t work properly.

Whether or not you are a Christian, I think the Bible has a really beautiful sentiment about our worth as human beings. Psalm 139: 13-14 says, “For You [God] formed my inward parts; You knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are Your works; my soul knows it very well.” This doesn’t say that we have value because of our job or what we do; it says we were born having value. We are made in God’s image, and He only creates beauty for the world. I think it’s very powerful knowing that even before ever doing anything in the world we have irreplaceable value. Just ask a mother of a newborn baby; she will say that her child means absolutely everything to her, and that is merely for existing, it isn’t anything he has done to make her feel this way.

I am a firm believer that everyone has a purpose in the world and can make a difference in a way that no one else could. Just because you are bedridden or need to be taken care of absolutely does not mean you don’t have value in the world. You have qualities to offer people that make you absolutely irreplaceable in their lives, so we need to stop telling ourselves the lie that we aren’t as valuable because we are different.

On the other hand, I understand the ache that is in your heart for the opportunities you have missed and feeling like some of life has passed you by. I don’t have the resume I would have had if I hadn’t gotten sick, and there are a lot of experiences I missed out on. It’s weird listening to my friends all talk about what they’re doing at work and how comfortable they are there. I still remember working at the magazine’s office like it was yesterday, but I also think that experience was so different because you’re the lowest on the totem pole. Dealing with an illness does teach you what is important in the world, though, and gives amazing perspective people often don’t have until much later on in life. It teaches you to hold on to all the amazing blessings you are given, because sometimes they can be fleeting, and to be thankful for the people closest to you. It teaches lessons of patience, hard work, and resilience. You learn what it’s like to be empathetic with people, rather than just offering sympathy, and you are given an opportunity to be a light for others who go through the exact same things you deal with on an every day basis. Chronic illness builds beautiful warriors who have such important lessons they need to share with the world.

I understand questioning your worth as much as anyone else with a chronic illness, and I am right there with you trying to find my own purpose. The words I wrote on this page make sense to my brain and I know that my life has incredible value, but my heart sometimes has a hard time making the connection. I feel lost in a big world that doesn’t understand me, and I am getting swallowed up in the lies I tell myself at night. Being sick has taught me I’m a fighter, though, and I’m not going to stop searching until I figure out what I’m here for. Deep down I know I have an important role in the world. I just might take a little longer to figure out what it is and that’s okay.

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5 Things My Husband Doesn’t Know About Me

Yesterday Robert grilled some hot dogs for lunch, and he actually asked me if I wanted mustard on mine. Gross! How did he not know I am not a fan of condiments, particularly bright yellow mustard? It got me thinking about how funny it is when you learn new things about someone you know really well. I really racked my brain to think of a few other things he might not know about me, and here is a short list:

  1. When I was a preteen I had a bright blue bellbottom tracksuit. No, bell bottoms were not in style or cool in the 90s, but I loved the comfort and style of this getup, and it would be a miracle if I dodged getting pictures in this, because it was seriously my favorite thing ever at the time. This is to date my worst fashion faux pas, and I’m certain I’ll never be worse off than I was back then.
  2. I. Will. Not. Try. Cottage. Cheese. I’m sorry, but the texture freaks me out so much that I cannot bring myself to try a bite. Why are there lumps in it? Is it more like cheese or yogurt? I’ll try pretty much anything, but cottage cheese is a no-go. I’m borderline scared of it. cheese.png
  3. I won the school science fair twice — once in elementary school, and then in the bigger pool of competition in high school. The first was testing out properties of bubble gum which were, in hindsight, not all very scientific, and the second was an experiment with photosynthesis. I don’t even remember what all the findings looked like, but I still have a medal from it.
  4. Ryan Seacrest was my first celebrity crush. I thought he was charming and funny on American Idol, my favorite show at the time, and thankfully this was before social media so I didn’t have to be a Ryan stan defending him against Internet trolls.
  5. I was a weird little kid. I’ve always loved the English language, but I also have made up words since I could talk. A name for something I love? Teedlehopper. That little dip that’s right below your nose and above your lips? Well, I’m glad you asked, that’s a Parison!

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Now I’ll have to post this and wait to hear back from Robert if he knew any of this, or if I’m correct in thinking we’ve never discussed any of it before. I honestly can’t think of anything else he doesn’t already know, particularly about me now, but I’m sure there will be plenty more mustard moments in the rest of our lifetime together. ❤

Friday Favorites

Man, it’s hard keeping up with writing on here! Not because I don’t have the time or even the energy, but more so because everything I write I end up wanting to keep private or don’t have the heart to finish. Today I figured I’d go back to writing about a few of my favorite things. I was tempted to post five different dogs, but I thought this list would be a little more helpful.


Tony’s Chocolonely. I honestly haven’t had anything better, and they’re a really cool company because they focus on making chocolate humanely. Did you know that slavery is still a huge problem, particularly on cocoa farms? It’s crazy to me that one of my favorite foods is actually hurting others, and I love that Tony’s is committed to making all chocolate become slave-free. Go get a bar of the milk chocolate sea salt caramel today. It is a new necessity for me “that time of the month,” and I’m happy to add it to my survival kit.

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Jax is obviously my favorite chocolate thing on earth, though.

Billie Eilish — specifically “Bad Guy” featuring Justin Bieber. I didn’t know if I should put him as a favorite too because honestly his lines are so darn catchy and remind me why I liked the Biebs so many years ago. Billie is an interesting entertainer because she totally breaks the mold of anything we really see in the pop music world. I like that she seems to be unapologetically herself and hasn’t conformed to what Hollywood thinks sells albums.

 

Colorful flowers. I love having them to brighten up our home, and Robert got me some really bright and fun ones from a summer collection a few weeks ago. I used to always say Gerbera Daisies were my favorite kind of flower, but now I like pretty much everything under the sun.

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Crime Junkie. I am a huge fan of podcasts, and Crime Junkie happens to be one of my favorites. Granted, it’s made me a little wary every time I go to the basement to do laundry, but overall the mild paranoia is worth listening to Ashley and Brit tell us about famous — and not so famous — cases. It’s a great thing to listen to during a commute or while doing household chores; just don’t listen late at night when you’re by yourself unless you want to be up all night listening for intruders.

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Finally, Taylor Swift released her song “Lover” last night and I am OBSESSED. She’s back to writing her beautiful love songs and I couldn’t be more here for it!

Checking In

I haven’t written a lot lately because I’ve either felt exhausted or haven’t been in the mood to share anything feelings-y. That seems to be what I write best, but I have had six million different things on my mind, so I have just decided to write about none of it. Years ago when I was in school for journalism, my professors always stressed that the very best way to become a good writer is to do it consistently. Even if you don’t have anything to write about, just put pen to paper and ramble — the good stories will eventually come. I suppose even though I don’t feel like it, I should keep writing little updates here and there. After all, I see so many of you coming here day after day without getting anything new. It’s nice to have people who actually care about what I have to say enough to check in on me! Thank you for caring.

Okay, so here’s what I’ve been up to. First, I became a dog walker for Wag. I’m obsessed with it and will write a separate post all about what that’s been like and how great all the little angels I get to meet are. Dogs are one of the best thing God created, and I kind of can’t believe I get paid to hang out with them!

I’ve also been keeping up with Big Brother, and then not keeping up with The Bachelorette because I’m just kind of bored of the whole premise of the show. I’ve been a fan since at least high school, so that’s a really long time to keep watching the same thing happen season after season. Apparently Luke P is pretty bad though, and I’m sure the finale will be “Something we’ve never seen in the history of the show.” I’m looking at you, Chris Harrison.

Hmm what else. I made really good gluten-free fried chicken for dinner last night. I’m going to be experimenting with a few new recipes later this week, and am excited to get back into the routine of cooking a little more again. I keep meaning to post my General Tso’s chicken recipe for y’all too, as I got a million messages about it on Instagram a few months ago and never delivered. Like I said, I’ve been pretty tired lately. Anyway, I think I’ll go ahead and start drafting something else for tomorrow. This post was written about a week ago, and I need to get better about being consistent with posting on time.

Can I Have Your Cobblestones?

I got a glimpse into one of the most hilarious corners of adult life this week — the Facebook Marketplace.

Being a homeowner has been fun because I love our place, but it’s also a whole lot of work. We are redoing our back yard right now, and dug up about 400 cobblestones that must have been put in as some sort of underground patio by the last owners. These things are easily a pound each, and it would not be fun taking them all to the dump, so I listed them on Facebook Marketplace to get rid of them. Guys. My phone blew up. 

“Hi, is this item available?”

“Hello, I’d like to come take a look at the cobblestones.”

“Hey, when can I come pick up the stones?”

“I can come get them today, give me your address.”

I got dozens of messages in the matter of minutes, and they just kept coming. It was amusing, but also stressful enough that I didn’t check my Facebook messages for a few days after creating my listing. When I finally had the patience and courage to sort through everything, I signed on to weed through all the people who wanted our cobblestones. My method was pretty simple. Women got priority because I would rather have a woman come to my house than a man (Why? Check out my last post). Then they got eliminated from the list if their profile picture wasn’t of them. I love dogs more than just about anyone, but I’d like to know whoever is coming over doesn’t mind putting her face out there for me to see. Finally, the easiest part was that I just gave whoever reached out first the priority. This whole week I’ve been bombarded with more messages that I could have ever imagined, been ghosted by people who claimed to want the stones, and finally met up with a really nice couple who is going to use them on their horse farm.

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As anxiety-inducing as the Facebook Marketplace is, I’d definitely recommend it to anyone trying to get rid of any sort of home goods. People on there are sharks just waiting for something to chomp down on, and if you don’t feel like hauling something away, your trash could be another person’s treasure.


What do you think one of the most hilarious things about being in your late twenties or early thirties is? Do you have any experience with the crazy world of Facebook Marketplace? 

True Crime Podcast Reviews

I love podcasts.

I’ve been writing about entertainment stuff lately because somehow I haven’t been wanting to write about feelings and deeper topics, but seeing I studied journalism and was headed toward the path of an entertainment journalist, I think this is fitting enough.

Dirty John 5/10

I liked listening to Dirty John, and got through the series in just two days. It is a short series with only 6 episodes, 7 if you include the live questions after the season ends. I was surprised about the nature of the show. I have heard it’s a really good true crime, but I expected it to be a little more filled with twists and turns. Instead, I found that it was more about emotional abuse, and the way John manipulated those around him. It was still very interesting, but not worth quite the hype I felt was surrounding the show.

Serial 8/10

Serial is an interesting series because there are currently 3 different seasons, and like Dirty John, there was a television show created as a follow up. The first season of Serial follows a murder trial, the second follows the investigation of Bowe Bergdahl, a US soldier who was held prisoner of the Taliban for almost 5 years, and the third season has a lot of smaller stories in each episode to show a “behind the scenes” peek into the court systems in the United States. I liked each of the seasons, but surprisingly preferred the last two. I felt like the first season showed way too much of a bias and almost as though the convicted murderer, Adnan, charmed Sarah, the woman who did the interviews for the show, a little too much. I think he basically convinced her he was innocent, and she justified too many of his actions or explanations after seeing very blurry facts.

I liked the third season because it was so interesting to get to see a full case play out in the criminal justice system. I love shows like Law and Order SVU, so getting to hear some real stories play out and see how the police and court handle criminals was fascinating. If you haven’t listened to Serial yet, this should be one of the next podcasts on your list.

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Crime Junkie Podcast 10/10

Currently OBSESSED with this pod. So much so, that I even heard my husband humming the theme song the other night, and he hasn’t even listened to an episode with me. I think it’s because it’s super catchy and I’ve been listening nonstop since I discovered it. The hosts, Ashley Flowers and Brit Prawat, are super entertaining and such good storytellers. They find interesting crimes to talk about and have some solved and other unsolved mysteries. I like being able to research afterwards, and there are dozens of episodes for me to catch up on. I like this one so much I think I’ll sign up for their Patreon account after I finish everything!

Confronting O.J. Simpson with Kim Goldman 7/10

The new podcast about O.J. is interesting, especially since I didn’t live through this trial, so don’t know as much about it as I could. I’m a little bit of a KUWTK fan, so listening through some of the details that made the family famous is quite interesting. I kind of zoned out a little, though, and wasn’t interested enough to rewind and hear what I had missed, so it’s not as captivating as other podcasts. This is just airing now, so there are only 3 episodes out, but it’s worth a listen if you’re even just remotely interested in this murder case.

Man in The Window 10/10

This is my favorite podcast that is currently going on. It’s #1 in the charts right now, and for good reason. Man in The Window is about the Golden State Killer, and although his crimes took place in the 70s and 80s, Joe DeAngelo was arrested recently for these crimes, and it is all so fresh that he hasn’t even entered a plea yet. It apparently might take years for the trial to begin, but it will definitely be more interesting following along after listening to this show. One of the episodes gave me goosebumps, and it’s definitely not something you want to listen to unless you’re in the mood for some heavy true crime.


What are your favorite podcasts? I clearly like true crime and am currently hooked on it, but I’m game for pretty much anything. A few more lighthearted favorites include The Morning Toast, Reality TV RHAP-ups during the Big Brother season, How I Built This, Off The Vine, and a political podcast that will remain nameless.

Friends: S1, Episodes 2 And 3. Ross Is Still A Creep.

I’m on the second episode of Friends and ready to laugh a little tonight. I think I’ll be doing quite a few recaps during the end of the basketball and hockey seasons. Thank goodness we aren’t one of those families who watch a lot of baseball or I’d be screwed!

The episode starts off fast. The friends are all talking about how important kissing is to women. Relatable.

Ross is at his job right now. He’s with some cave people and his boss and oh my gosh he is boring with a capital “B.” Here comes his ex wife! (Or at least one of them anyway) He hates that she looks great. OH MY GOSH wait she’s pregnant. Is it Ross’ baby?! This show doesn’t waste any time.

Monica is really freaking out about her family coming. Now Rachel lost her engagement ring. I’m a little bored. The jokes just aren’t landing with me right now, and the fake laughter is getting on my nerves. Chandler isn’t being very funny but put his hands on his hips and tried so hard to deliver some of his jokes.

Rachel thinks her engagement ring is in the lasagna Monica made. Now I’m craving Italian food. They’re digging through it and Phoebe found it just as Ross announced he’s going to be a father. He’s also wearing a buttondown shirt made of jeans material and a purple striped tie. Was this ever a normal look?

Is it just me or does Ross stare off into the distance a lot? I’m sorry, but he’s so annoying. I digress.

I just zoned out for a few minutes while Monica and Ross had dinner with their family. It was kind of boring, but Ross had to announce that he got his ex wife pregnant, so I guess that was maybe pertinent to the show.

Now he’s sweeping for Rachel at the coffee shop. He’s trying to be cutsey and it was annoying at first, but it’s very back and forth for me. Okay, I lied. I’m just trying to be nicer about Ross, but it doesn’t feel authentic.

Rachel is just chilling with Dr. Farber now. She’s wearing overalls and looks kind of cute. Weren’t those supposed to come back into style this season or something? I would be all over that tbh. Doctor Farber is a weird dude. He went on his honeymoon to Aruba (yay!) with Rachel’s best friend.

Ross is at the OBGYN with his ex wife and her girlfriend now. They’re trying to come up with a name for the baby. Now they’re seeing her in the sonogram.

I’m still bored.

Let’s just power through to the next episode. Season 1, Episode 3: “The One with The Thumb.”

Okay, Ross just landed his first joke with me and he’s charmed me enough to make me laugh out loud. He’s talking about his childhood dog going to live on “The Milner’s farm,” which obviously doesn’t exist. I like his hilariously pure innocence in this instance, and he’s moved up maybe a point in my book.

Friends S1E1 Recap

Welcome to my first recap of Friends! There will be spoilers, but since everyone and their mom has already seen this show a thousand times over, I don’t feel the need to say that before every review. Soon, everyone in America will have seen the show Friends, and I’ll feel a lot less alone in not getting normal 90s references. Okay, starting my live recap: NOW.


Wow, what the heck is up with everyone’s hair?! I am literally 20 seconds into the show and they all have insane volume and shine. I’ve never seen anything like it! I don’t think their hair is normally like this, but I could be wrong. Go back and watch the episode because this is crazy and they all have to be wigging out. Joey looks like he’s in a 90s punk band or channeling Pete Wentz.

Courtney Cox and Chandler are sitting next to each other and don’t even know they’ll be married one day. Ew, and what the heck is up with the way Courtney treats her brother?! I remember them being all creepy in another episode. “You OK, sweetie?” she asked as she gently touched his hand. I do not like the chemistry between these two actors. They make Friends have a hint of Thrones, if you catch my drift.

OMG. Ross is already complaining about being single. “I don’t want to be single, I just want to be married again.” What is his deal?! He’s already blown through a wife (or two, or three) by the first episode?! Yikes. I know he’s known for getting married a bunch, so I guess they needed to get the first out of the way before the series even begins.

Rachel just walked in in a wedding dress! Ahh I don’t know anything about this storyline. Was she married once already too? She might be perfect for Ross if she can knock out a couple others before she and Ross get together.

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Photo Credit: NBC

Courtney Cox’s name is Monica! That’s right. I don’t know why I forgot that. Now she’s wearing an outfit with suspenders. I feel a little weird about them.

We’re watching the friends watch television while Rachel shrieks on the phone with her dad. It’s kind of boring right now tbh, but I’m hoping this episode is all just telling us about the characters and stuff.

Joey is hitting on Rachel. I have a feeling these characters will all kind of cycle around dating each other. It’s not very realistic that they’d all be able to be friends after that, but I think it’s going to be one of those kinds of shows.

Phoebe is my favorite character right now. She pulled out a bunch of her eyelashes on accident and then sang a song from The Sound of Music while Rachel was having a panic attack. I think she’ll be a pretty funny character, but not everyone’s cup of tea.

Rachel is crying on the phone now. I honestly am so annoyed at the show and it’s not very funny yet. Since it’s the pilot I’m going to keep pushing forward, though. I think it’ll get good.

Monica is on a date with a guy who looks really familiar. Some sort of nineties dad or something who is kind of a doofus in a show. I can’t for the life of me remember what movie, but it was something along the lines of The Parent Trap.

Ew! Ross is complaining AGAIN. He’s so whiny. I know I’m being harsh because his heart is broken, but I told you it was going to be hard for me to give Ross a chance. Ok, calm down Krista, he’s grieving. Ew!! But now he’s talking about wanting to ask a girl out again right after ending his marriage. “Even if I had the nerve, who would I ask?” ROSS. TAKE A BREAK FROM WOMEN AND LET YOUR HEART HEAL. Goodness gracious; he really cannot just be by himself.

Monica is kissing the 90s dad in front of everyone now. They all watched creepily and it felt like they were acting for a play on Broadway with their exaggerated stances. Then Joey of all people tries to act cool when she comes back to the table to join them. I think he’s a player and supposed to be the “cool guy” on the show, but he’s just giving me brunette Draco Malfoy vibes. His outfit is really cringeworthy too. Black pants and some sort of jeans-y fabric muscle shirt. I need to keep in mind this is the 90s and maybe he was cool and stylish. I just have a hard time believing it.

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Same straight side swoop.

Now Monica is upset that it turns out the 90s dad is a player. Phoebe decides to offer to rub her feet in a coffee shop, and Ross stares at her longingly. SHE’S YOUR SISTER, ROSS. Please don’t act like the Lannisters.

EW!!! Ross is trying to flirt with Rachel. Get away from her!! He’s making me so mad right now guys. I can’t. NOW HIS ARM IS AROUND MONICA. NOW SHE KISSED HIM BEFORE BED LIKE IT’S NORMAL. I wish I could make this font bigger because I was just double shocked and am not well.

Ew. He’s splitting an Oreo with Rachel now. Okay actually he’s being a little cute. He’s saying he used to crush on her in high school. I didn’t really realize they knew each other before. Wait, no, he ruined it. He just asked if it would be okay if he asked her out sometime. Ross, you need to take some time for yourself, don’t bring Rachel into your messy life right now! No wonder he has been married six million times; he forces himself to move on way before he’s ready. He was literally just talking about how he didn’t know who he’d ask out and that was when it was obvious it could be Rachel.

Chandler was barely in this episode and I think I remember liking him in a few episodes. He was just kind of boring, but got a dumb joke at the end.

Hmm overall not impressed with this first episode of Friends, but I think most of us usually feel this way about the pilot of a TV show. To their credit, they need to set all the characters up and start the storyline somewhere. In my defense, they made Ross really freaking annoying in the first episode, so if this trend continues it’s maybe not my fault for knowing spoilers. Who is your favorite character on Friends, and if the answer is Ross, please explain and defend him. I’m going to give this show a season and see what it’s all about, then we’ll go from there.