Awhile back I remember praying several times every single day the exact same thing,
“Dear God, please, please, please save this relationship. I’ll do anything in the world to keep him; just please help us to find our love again and help us to actually be happy together. Please…”
I would trail off and start to cry. I wanted nothing more than for my boyfriend to love me again the way he once did. I even remember thinking if I could have one thing in the entire world it wouldn’t be for my chronic illness to be fixed. I wouldn’t ask God to help me with any of my dreams or goals, but instead I just wanted us back.
One day I told my ex this thought and that I missed the way we once were. I said I wanted him to work with me to get back to the beautiful partnership we once had together. I tried everything to fix our relationship — including compromising several of the core things that make me the person I am. I began giving away small pieces of myself until they piled up to make a mountain. I didn’t even recognize myself anymore and found I was never the best version of myself when I was with him. I became short-tempered, wildly insecure, and lost sight of what I wanted in life in order to attempt to please him.
As you know, we broke up.
I have told this story to countless people who find their own relationships crumbling. I use it when I hear people are in despair about a job, school, or anything else that doesn’t seem to be going their way. Why?
Because what I feared most not only happened, but it ended up being the greatest blessing in my life. Really.
We broke up and although that was literally the most terrifying thought I could come up with at the time, not only did I make it out alive, but I found myself again. I am no longer the miserable, frustrated, depressed shell of a girl I was when I was with him. I no longer mimic those impatient and pessimistic behaviors I was used to seeing with my family and friends, but I am able to be the joyful optimist I have always been at heart again.
The dreaded breakup was the greatest blessing God has ever given me, and it made me completely redefine the way I look at things that happen to me in life. I’m lucky to have a very solid example of a way God was protecting me in the long-term by letting me go through short-term pain; not everyone has such a concrete example of this. Moving forward, though, I remember and share this story, as I see how redirecting my path away from what I thought I wanted ended up allowing me to dodge a really big and painful bullet in the end.
Today’s lesson: You don’t always know what’s best for yourself. Sometimes you just have to take what life gives to you and trust that God has a better plan for you than you do for yourself. I pray for my future husband often, and even though I may not know who he is yet, I know God is protecting his heart for me.