I talk to a lot of people who really want a boyfriend but don’t think going on a bunch of dates sounds very appealing. This is a tough predicament, as I think the most surefire way to get a bomb bae is going out with a handful of people and then making an educated decision on who you should commit to.
Dating is essentially a numbers game. The more people you go out with the more crappy dates you go on, but the more likely you are to meet someone who is a really great fit for you. Think about it this way. If you go out with 4 people and try to pick one, you could find that person, but the chance becomes better when you up the number of people you go out with.
I’ve asked friends why they don’t want to spread out and date more people, and here are some of the most common answers I’ve gotten (And my reasons why I think they can ignore them):
“I don’t want to lead anyone on.”
Okay, I agree with this 100%; leading people on isn’t nice and doesn’t feel good when you’re on the receiving end… But honestly the first few dates you go on with someone is just a very surface-level “getting to know you” stage, so you can’t possibly lead someone on by agreeing to a first date with them, as there aren’t huge expectations from a first date. There aren’t many people who go on a first date and are immediately like, oh my gosh, she’s the one for me! If he does do that there’s likely something a little bit “off” and he should probably re-evaluate the way he’s approaching dating. A first date is really just very similar to going into a job interview — you ask and answer questions to see if you would even be a good fit for one another.
“First dates are so awkward.”
This can also be very true. The more dates I go on, though, the more I get comfortable with sitting through the awkwardness. “Practice makes perfect” rings very true for dating. If nothing else you are just collecting data about people and learning what you do and don’t want in a future relationship. There are so many different people in the world that you should know what’s out there before committing to something for the long-term and wondering then.
“It’s not fair to date a bunch of guys at once. I like to focus on one person.”
Umm, I don’t think a lot of guys look at dating this way. Dating around is a completely normal and healthy thing. This gets skeezy when you are exclusive with someone and seeing other people, but before you are in a committed relationship you are able to test the waters with a few people at the same time. Keeping communication open and honest with all parties is important, but odds are if you are going out with multiple guys at once they are doing the exact same thing with other girls. That’s not because they’re a “bad person,” but they, like you, are trying to find the best fit for them. This is great for both of you, as you want someone who will fully understand and appreciate the incredible person you are — sometimes it takes going out with the wrong people to appreciate the right one.
“The right person will come into my life when the time is right. I’m just waiting on God (or fate) to bring him my way!”
So. Much. No. I agree that God has a great plan for me, which totally includes a wonderful significant other, but just like my dream job a guy is not going to plop right into my lap out of nowhere. I have to put in work to get results and just because I am working towards a goal does not mean I am not trusting God to put the right people in my path to get there. I understand some people meet their significant other as a complete fluke and I think that’s totally amazing, but the vast majority of people have to put in some sort of effort to meet someone. Not only is it rare for a guy to ask me out organically, but it all goes back to the numbers game of dating more people to get to meet the right one. I do believe God has a plan for my life, but some of His plans for me have been things I have received as a result of an action I took to get there. He is so much more powerful than I am, and if I’m going in the wrong direction I trust Him enough to steer me back on the right track in a different way.
All of this being said, the best way for me to date may not be right for you. What do y’all think? Do you agree or disagree with me? Sound off in the comments!