The Highs Match The Lows

~ kristalauren

Sigh, I have been going through a rough patch lately. I know life definitely has its ups and downs, which makes me feel optimistic that some beautiful sunshine is right around the corner, but it doesn’t always make the downs easy to manage in the moment.

I’ve been super-sick on and off for just over a month now. I know that sounds goofy, especially since I’ve been chronically ill for almost four years now, but it makes everything a lot more complicated on top of just dealing with the symptoms I’ve become used to. My bright side to all of this? Thank goodness my immunity has been stronger than ever the past couple of years and that I’ve stayed away from sick people enough that I rarely have episodes like this.

It’s made writing infinitely more difficult, though, as well as going to the gym. I haven’t had my normal routine which has thrown me off, and I would be willing to bet that most girls can relate to my whole “I’m a lot more emotional that time of the month” talk.

Truth is, right now I miss my old “normal.” I miss running more than anything. I miss going outside to play volleyball with my friends — even when I didn’t have a good setter to help me hit — I miss being able to go grocery shopping by myself, and I miss baking. I miss always being the one to offer to drive because my car is more roomy and because I enjoy driving. I miss having the freedom to drive places just because I want to, not because I have to be somewhere, and I miss relying on myself for most aspects of my life.

It’s been really, really hard for me to get to a point where I can ask people for help. In fact, I’m still not there yet. I still have a lot of trouble telling friends that I can’t drive as far as they’d like me to in order to hang out, I hate dropping the “the Metro makes me nauseous” bomb because yes, I know nobody wants to drive into DC, and I miss being able to go to DC whenever I want.

My parents were out of town last week, which made life infinitely harder. I didn’t have someone cooking and cleaning for me at home, and I had to take care of my little puppy by myself. I don’t think I can really emphasize how much I hate to admit that I need other people to help take care of me.

At just twenty six years old losing some of your independence is a really tough thing to come to grips with. I want to make my own money, I want to have freedom to travel, and I want to be able to drive all over the place whenever I want to! I like spending some time by myself, but it can be difficult to do that outside of the house and when I can’t drive myself around to go on little “Krista dates.”

My bright side today is just going to be that I know there are a lot of blessings to come. Something that is giving me comfort today is Deuteronomy 31:8, where God promises that He will be by my side no matter what I have to face in life.

“The LORD Himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave or forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”

I also got some messages from my best friend, who knows I’m dealing with a lot, and will be sharing some of her wisdom in the near future. I guess I can count that as a major blessing today — along with the many other people I sometimes forget are my friend, despite my life changing so drastically. In the meantime, I’m really excited that it’s almost the weekend, and I am going to make the most of the evening by watching an episode of The Office and eating some unhealthy microwave popcorn before bed.

Published by kristalauren

15 thoughts on “The Highs Match The Lows”

  4. Ever since I began following your blog, I have been absolutely amazed at your tenacity, your resilience and your faith. As someone that truly struggles with faith, I remember a certain someone who offered to pray for me, and I readily grasped hold of that offer and I truly believe it was meaningful. Because that person is such a wonderful woman, I know that she’ll make it through!

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    1. Thank you so much, you are always so incredibly kind! I definitely struggle with my faith a LOT though. It isn’t something that comes easily or naturally to me, and I still stumble a lot more than I’d care to admit. I do think God has to understand, though. He knows I’m only human and that I make mistakes and can’t really always grasp what an invisible, almighty being looks like. Thank you so much for your encouraging words, though, they always brighten my day!

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  5. I’m sorry about this hon. As I’ve said before I know a great deal about how it feels to not be as independent as you would like. You should be proud you can do a lot living on your own most of the time as for me that hadn’t been something I’m able to do yet, though really want to. I hope you feel better and can return to your daily activities. I think for me missing a lot of events with friends and not being able to do cardio has been the biggest things along with the lack of independence I feel. It’s okay though you are right God is with us and has a plan.

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    1. I’m so sorry girl. I know it’s hard still living at home with our parents (or whoever takes care of you!) and I’m sorry you’re not able to go out very much. It took me a couple of years to be able to enjoy time out with friends again, so I hope that offers some hope for you! I am going to start praying for you on a regular basis, and I’ll be here cheering you on every step of the way! Thank you for sharing some of your story with me. ❤

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      1. I do get out. I’m much better than a few years ago but there were times. Thank you I will pray for you too 🙂

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