Sigh, I have been going through a rough patch lately. I know life definitely has its ups and downs, which makes me feel optimistic that some beautiful sunshine is right around the corner, but it doesn’t always make the downs easy to manage in the moment.
I’ve been super-sick on and off for just over a month now. I know that sounds goofy, especially since I’ve been chronically ill for almost four years now, but it makes everything a lot more complicated on top of just dealing with the symptoms I’ve become used to. My bright side to all of this? Thank goodness my immunity has been stronger than ever the past couple of years and that I’ve stayed away from sick people enough that I rarely have episodes like this.
It’s made writing infinitely more difficult, though, as well as going to the gym. I haven’t had my normal routine which has thrown me off, and I would be willing to bet that most girls can relate to my whole “I’m a lot more emotional that time of the month” talk.
Truth is, right now I miss my old “normal.” I miss running more than anything. I miss going outside to play volleyball with my friends — even when I didn’t have a good setter to help me hit — I miss being able to go grocery shopping by myself, and I miss baking. I miss always being the one to offer to drive because my car is more roomy and because I enjoy driving. I miss having the freedom to drive places just because I want to, not because I have to be somewhere, and I miss relying on myself for most aspects of my life.
It’s been really, really hard for me to get to a point where I can ask people for help. In fact, I’m still not there yet. I still have a lot of trouble telling friends that I can’t drive as far as they’d like me to in order to hang out, I hate dropping the “the Metro makes me nauseous” bomb because yes, I know nobody wants to drive into DC, and I miss being able to go to DC whenever I want.
My parents were out of town last week, which made life infinitely harder. I didn’t have someone cooking and cleaning for me at home, and I had to take care of my little puppy by myself. I don’t think I can really emphasize how much I hate to admit that I need other people to help take care of me.
At just twenty six years old losing some of your independence is a really tough thing to come to grips with. I want to make my own money, I want to have freedom to travel, and I want to be able to drive all over the place whenever I want to! I like spending some time by myself, but it can be difficult to do that outside of the house and when I can’t drive myself around to go on little “Krista dates.”
My bright side today is just going to be that I know there are a lot of blessings to come. Something that is giving me comfort today is Deuteronomy 31:8, where God promises that He will be by my side no matter what I have to face in life.
“The LORD Himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave or forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”
I also got some messages from my best friend, who knows I’m dealing with a lot, and will be sharing some of her wisdom in the near future. I guess I can count that as a major blessing today — along with the many other people I sometimes forget are my friend, despite my life changing so drastically. In the meantime, I’m really excited that it’s almost the weekend, and I am going to make the most of the evening by watching an episode of The Office and eating some unhealthy microwave popcorn before bed.