Looking at The Bright Side

Resilient. 

This is my word of the past 4 years.

Today I was given a very important reminder to be thankful for what I have, and not sweat the small stuff. 

My laptop broke very unexpectedly last week. It was really frustrating 1) because all of my writing is on there 2) because it took months of working to be able to afford a new one and 3) I need it for work. 

I had the same laptop for almost 6 years and it just wasn’t doing it for me anymore, so I had to invest in a new one. It’s been so nice writing on something that doesn’t freeze or delete my documents, so I’ve been grateful for the little laptop since the day I got it just over a year ago. 

Right now as I’m building my business I can’t afford to treat myself to luxuries. I’ve had more bills than I’m used to as I take over some of my own life from my family, and I have relied heavily on technology for just about everything in my day to day. Needless to say, for a split second I felt super sick when I heard my laptop was d-e-a-d. 

Here’s the thing, though. In my short 26 years I have experienced a lot. I’ve lost the use of my normal body (very significantly in the first year with POTS), done a deployment with a loved one, and watched people I care about deal with difficult health problems. This has all drastically changed my perspective of what’s really important in life. Yes, I have material needs to be able to keep working toward a better life for myself, but thankfully the loss of a laptop — though super-inconvenient and frustrating — is such a tiny thing in the grand scheme of life. It’s not a person or a pet, and it isn’t something my heart is heavily attached to. 

I’m still figuring out what my next move is going to be (goodness knows I can NOT keep writing on my phone like this, ha!), but I feel at peace that everything is going to be taken care of. Today being “resilient” is going to be easy because it’s just remaining positive when I want to feel a bit frustrated. It isn’t anything serious that’s going on, and just a minor test of my patience. I think I have a plan of what I’m going to do, and I’ll keep y’all posted when I find the silver lining — if nothing else, at least it’s just a laptop

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