Date Smarter, Not Harder

Dating is something I would definitely say I was super-good at. I’m not the best mathematician, I am terrible at remembering everything I learned in history class, and I don’t know anything about camping or surviving in the wilderness, but I’m really good with people and feelings.

Just because you’re great at feeling things and reading others, though, doesn’t mean dating will be easy. There are a million different things that go into this process, some of which is circumstantial and just plain luck. A big part of dating is being able to control your emotions and think logically. When you can sync your heart to your brain and make them work together, you become so incredibly efficient in weeding out the people who aren’t right for you while keeping around someone who might be a good fit to be your forever and always.

Getting into a healthy relationship is so much easier if you have the right tools and cut out the bad habits that are holding you back from meeting people. So if you feel like you’ve had a hard time dating and letting go of crush after crush, I am going to give you a little dose of tough love and list a few behaviors to give up for 2018.

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  1. Realize that most people are not the exception to the rule. Sure, sometimes a bad boy can make for a great husband, the guy who plays hard to get can be a good catch, or the one who ghosted you on Bumble only to message you five weeks later on OK Cupid actually did just make a little mistake, but for the most part you can take things at face value and trust your gut. Stop trying to force things or make a crummy situation less painful by telling yourself stories that justify bad behavior. There are too many fish in the sea to pardon the ones who aren’t swimming in the same direction as you!
  2. Cut out the commitmentphobes. If you’ve been “talking to someone” for months with no signs of settling down, stop waiting for them to change their mind about the status of your relationship. A guy will know if he likes you pretty soon after y’all have started dating and if he doesn’t see what a great catch you are it’s his loss. Don’t try to show him what he’s missing out on or try to create scenarios where he’ll begin to fall for you. Your time is absolutely valuable, so move on to find someone who will recognize your worth without even trying.
  3. Stop chasing after indecisive guys. If you’ve been seeing someone for a little bit and he is still conflicted about how he feels about you versus another prospect, make up his mind for him and let the other girl have him. You do not want to be with someone who can’t see your worth, and it’s not your job to make him miss you once you’re gone. Block him everywhere and get excited about eventually meeting a guy who only has eyes for you and can’t wait to try to steal your heart.
  4. Don’t settle for behaviors that don’t show you respect. Yuck! People who aren’t respectful of other humans make me feel sick. If he pressures you physically, exhibits any signs of emotional or physical abuse, or throws cruel words at you, get rid of him. I hate hearing people say that gentleman don’t still exist because they absolutely do. Look for role models in your family or friend circles and remind yourself of them when you’re feeling a little defeated in the dating world. Even though these are all platonic examples, they will be great partners for another girl one day, which means there are people out there for you, too.
  5. Steer clear of people who don’t have the same values as you. If you want to date someone who is the same religion as you, wants the same kind of family, and prioritizes the same important things in life, don’t date the guy who is a polar opposite. This is wasting time on both ends of the relationship and will only end in heartbreak. Unless he changes his views — which is unlikely (see #1) — your heart will either be crushed by a breakup or a deep sadness in the relationship. It’s worth holding out for someone who will be your partner in the important parts of life.

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If you give up these five little destructive thought processes I promise your dating life will become much more bearable and efficient. Getting rid of duds seems tough in theory, but when you know what you’re looking for it becomes quite a bit easier. I always like having logical and practical actions to follow in the dating world because it can be really easy to let your heart take over and run away with your brain. By having a certain standard set for yourself, you eliminate some of the unnecessary heartache that comes along with dating the wrong guy. This may not be the most romantic blog post in the world, but it is so, so important and is definitely some of the best advice I’ve given on here. Let me know what your biggest dating frustrations or victories are, and I’d love to write more about that in my next post!

12 thoughts on “Date Smarter, Not Harder

  1. Great points thanks for sharing. These are very realistic and doable goals. There’s a dating book ten years ago or so “He’s just not that into you” and although I didn’t agree with the entire book, the premise is quite practical and what your saying here. I guy who is the right ‘fish’ for you or ‘fish’ for you to try dating a while. is going to be interested in you and make an effort b/c he’s interested and sees your value. One who strings you a long, won’t make up his mind, or his a disrespectful perv, is just not that into you, at least not in the way most women want.

    Thanks for the advice. I’m doing the dating thing again and trying to put more effort into it. It’s really hard b/c in the last year I’ve had a lot of guys who are rude/disrespectful or string you along and are the type that only call/text at midnight. Seeing some of my besties and the great guys they’ve married has given me hope there are some good ones still out there. Your post helped to reinforce this for me and that I dint have to put up with bad behavior.

    Cheers

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Ahhh I haven’t read the book, but I’ve seen the movie before. I loved it and should rewatch it soon!!

      And yeah I agree with you completely; the right guys are going to be putting in effort because they’re excited about you for sure.

      Girl, I’m so glad you have some good examples in your life, though! I think that is so important to have while you’re single and dating around because it DOES give you hope that there are winners out there. I’m glad you have that mindset too, because I think it makes life so much easier and the dating world not quite as scary. Keep me posted on how everything is going; I am cheering for you! From all of our conversations on here I know you’re a smart girl and will find someone really, really great. ❤

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Thanks I appreciate it. The movie is goos But if u ever want a quick interesting read, even online from the Library, The book is an interesting perspective on dating. It was written by one of the writers/directors of the show ‘Sex and the City.’ The movie is totally different lol. But I like the movie 🙂 Thanks so much and I’ll let u know how it goes 🙂 Have a wonderful week. Hope where u live it’s not as cold as here right now!

        Liked by 2 people

      2. Ahhh, that’s so cool! I’ll definitely check it out, thanks so much for the recommendation! And DC has been pretty darn cold lately, but today it’s actually pretty nice. I hope you stay warm; hot chocolate is a great cure for cold! 😉

        Liked by 2 people

  2. I love and agree with all of these points. I have a friend who has been having a really hard time dating lately. 2017 was not kind to her. I told her that her mantra for 2018 should be to cut the dead weight, which I think is a lot of what these points are saying. People spend way too much time on “relationships” that are going nowhere. You’re never going to change someone. In most cases, it’s better just to move on.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. So I will say after my divorce I got together with someone. Older than me (way). But in that I have learned so much! Older and wiser. Not a jerk, not full of drama, not a narcissist. I just wish I would have dated SMARTER to begin with. Hindsight is 20/20.

    Liked by 2 people

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