Dating In A Technology-Saturated World

Love is difficult enough on its own, but when you add our little black screens to the mix, things become just that much more complicated. First, let’s talk casually dating. There are a million different apps and websites you can use to meet people. Making a choice — or three — of what you want to use can dictate the kind of people you will meet. There is a dating app for everyone, whether you are looking for a farmer, a fellow vegetarian, or someone who loves Disney just as much as you do. This is great because it takes searching high and low out of the equation and sets you up with a partner who has at least some of the same interests that you do. Even using the more standard dating websites makes finding a partner a little easier because there are usually questions to answer that calculate what percent of a match you are with someone, which saves the smalltalk and goes straight for some of the biggest deal breakers like religion, smoking, or even what kind of family someone wants.

The dating culture now is different than it ever has been before because we have endless options. It is so easy to go out with a person, see a flaw you don’t like, and think, “Well, on to the next one!” when you have access to thousands of profiles online. Odds are there’s someone who fits the bill of exactly what you want, right? The problem with this rationale is that there is no such thing as a perfect person. We live in a time where if something is broken, we don’t fix it — we just get rid of it and upgrade. It isn’t worth the effort of learning how to jump over a hurdle or adapt to a new way of using something; it is far easier to just throw away a broken object than it is to put the time and effort into making ours work again. The same goes in the dating world. Far too often, as soon as someone learns about an issue, they decide to move on to find a different person without said problem. This turns into a vicious cycle in embarking on the search for perfection which, in this world, does not exist.

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Now let’s touch on solid relationships. The little black box certainly doesn’t make finding a partner easy, but once you’ve gotten one they work their little plastic butts off to make everything a little more complicated, despite their initial intention of making life easier for us. Instead of reaching to hold their partners in the morning, people reach for their phones. Rather than sitting together at the dinner table they sit on the couch in front of a television. Hours upon hours each week are spent on Facebook and scrolling mindlessly through Instagram. This whole new age of technology has greatly changed the course of our lives — for better and for worse.

At the end of the day, despite what it sometimes seems, we own technology — it does not own us. We can make our own decisions on how to use it to better our lives and enrich our relationships instead of harming them. I like using my little silver laptop to type words onto a screen and share them on here with you all. I like playing Super Smash Bros and Fortnite with my husband, and I like that I can shop no matter how I’m feeling and that there are people who will drive to my house with a piping hot pizza if I use my phone to order one. Technology is great as long as you know when to use it and how to continue to connect with your loved ones in person. This is why I harp so much on the importance of quality time spent with loved ones, rather than just time. It can be so easy to think you are pouring into others when you spend so much time with them, but if that time isn’t spent wisely it won’t really make an impact on their heart.

I still haven’t finished making my resolutions for the year, but one of them is that I am going to be more cognizant of how often I am using my phone and to put it away more when I am with my loved ones. I am going to invest more time in journaling and having heart-to-heart conversations, and be more productive about reaching my goals for this year. What are your resolutions for 2019?

12 thoughts on “Dating In A Technology-Saturated World

  1. I got rid of my smartphone for the first six months of 2018. I eventually went back for Google Calendar, Google Maps, and WhatsApp – to stay in touch with my family. I also try to stay off my phone in bed too – I might read a book, but hardly ever the phone. I think that might have to do with the knowledge that back-lit screens keep you awake though, rather than any kind of addiction or obsessive behaviour 🙂

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  2. Happy New Year Krista.Great Post. I do think people (including myself at times), under estimate the value of ‘quality time,’ and as my one friend notes, “just being there,” for someone. It’s true most of the people you might date once or twice online, may not be for you, but I think we need to be nice about it.

    Some potential relationships with others are terrible ideas, but sometimes we miss out on just being human and helping someone. Being understanding and listening. Maybe we miss out on a new friend or potential individual to network with for a variety of reasons (not only work). We never know who will pop back up in our life later on, or who could be come meaningful to us or are loved ones later on.

    In essence mak8mg connections and being a good person, is at the heart of this, even if you can’t wait to leave a date. It happens, sometimes you have to go, but sometimes we may meet someone who plays a latter role in our lives or in the lives of people we know. It’s somethimg to thin’ about.

    Hope you are feeling well these days and enjoyed the holidays with your new husband. Hugs

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    1. Happy new year girl!! I hope you had a fun time celebrating and have an amazing 2019. I definitely agree with you and think people usually have to go on a million dates before finding the right person, but it’s all about learning more about yourself and what you want (or don’t want!) in a future partner.

      Thanks so much for your insight and I hope you’re having a great weekend and feeling well too! 💕

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  3. Happy New Year! This is something I am always working on. I don’t use my phone as much as some people, mostly cause I don’t post on social media aside from the occasional Instagram post. But I still find myself aimlessly scrolling between the same 2-3 different apps. I have started to give myself a phone curfew. I am not allowed to look at my phone after 9pm. It helps a bit.

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  4. I don’t have phone issues at home or when I’m with friends (in fact I’m always leaving it places) but when I’m bored at work I am constantly itching to check it. I started putting it in a drawer last year but that doesn’t really help much. I still notice the craving. That said, I’m not checking social media when I’m on it. I keep ebooks on my phone for my commute and I’m usually jonesing for the next chapter!

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    1. Ahhh good for you for the friends part though. I think that’s an amazing step already!

      And I feel like ebooks shouldn’t count for using your phone since it’s basically like just picking up a paperback copy or something. Do you have any really good book recommendations for me this year? I am trying to read at least just one a month, but I need suggestions!

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      1. All a little different, but just going off my favorites from 2018:

        You Bring The Distant Near by Mitali The Crown’s Game by Evelyn Skye
        The Mothers by Britt Bennett
        Asking For It by Louise O’Neil* (trigger warning but a hugely powerful story)

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  5. Good Post. I have written about the ills of Modern Phone technology in the past. I try not to rely on it too much as I tend to lose/break/dropintheriverthames my phones a lot! My 6 year old likes Pokemon Go as well which means weekends he often runs my bettery down pretty quick.
    I’m a bit older, I remember the first half of my life was pre-mobile phones and we didn’t have a problem. But the point is new technology used right does enhance our lives and people are growing up now with different expectations, be it good or bad.
    I like your blog, you central point about learning when to use.
    As a parent in this new world you have a hard job, trying to balance what you understand to be the individuality of people, and the interconectness that has become almost a drug to so many now. I guess its my job to show my children life from as many perspectives as I can.
    I have to say though, for all the resentment I have for not being able to be off the map anymore, I love google and having tht at my fingertips 24/7.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Just a heads up, AT&T has an amazing insurance program that covers basically anything that happens to your phone. I switched providers recently and was shocked that they even cover theft and stuff! That’s adorable that your 6 year old likes Pokemon Go, though. I remember the days of Pokemon when I was a kid! 🙂

      That’s so interesting that you can compare pre and post phone relationships. I feel like it definitely can make things more complicated at times!

      Being a parent nowadays must be so darn hard, so I applaud you. I can’t imagine what it’s like being a parent, especially with a million things on the Internet you have to sort through to figure out what your child can and can’t do.

      Thanks so much for your comment and sharing your perspective! ❤

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